Johnny’s back alive with a brand new hairdo. He meets his biggest fan/copycat, Jimmy, but murders him when he finds out that Jimmy sexually assaulted one of his victims. Also because Jimmy is annoying. Johnny calls Devi and apologizes to her, but Devi, that beautiful, traumatized, rage filled angel, doesn’t forgive him because she shouldn’t have to and how dare he call her after what he tried to do to her? Johnny sneaks into Squee’s bedroom and has a heartwarming chat with him, wherein we realize that Johnny might be(?) the most positive adult force in Squee’s life (YIKES). Johnny ends up sitting on his car on a cliff, wanting to be “cold as the moonlight” or somesuch early Aughts emo nonsense. Which makes sense, since this book is the dark edgy catharsis Moon to the current generation’s cat video catharsis Sun.

While Johnny dies of his massive head wound, we follow 2 of his victims, including Tess, as they attempt to escape the house while fending off the tentacle monster that came through the blood wall (Maybe? If that was real? Is anything real? Will I feel like this forever? What even is life?). Tess is awful, but only marginally awful, which makes her one of the least awful characters in this series. EVERYONE IS AWFUL. Johnny goes to heaven and explodes some heads, then to hell, then gets sent back to Earth, because his existence on this plane is important for a… reason. The End. JUST KIDDING THERE’S ONE MORE EPISODE!

Johnny, a Homicidal Maniac, our protagonist, kills a bunch more people, but also saves his neighbor Squee from a pedophile, so is actually a good person I guess? He tries to kill his date Devi to preserve the fact that he’s happy hanging out with her, but Devi gets away and become the queen of our hearts. Johnny continues having hallucinations and soliloquizes some more. While dealing with her trauma (like the goddess she is), Devi calls Johnny, who answers his booby-trapped phone and gets shot in the head. Team Devi, y’all. TEAM DEVI.

Johnny is, as it says on the wrapper, a Homicidal Maniac. We follow him through a spate of violent murders, and even worse, soliloquies. We meet his neighbor kid, Squee, some victims, and a few hallucinations (RIP NailBunny). Johnny has to keep a wall in his house well-saturated with blood to keep “SOMETHING” from getting through from… somewhere else? Maybe? Or maybe he’s just imagining the whole thing? Or maybe it’s real? And maybe he can’t die? Or be caught? Either way, lots of murder done got did. We dive into the author a little, who it turns out is a pretty rad dude, which you wouldn’t necessarily expect based on these comics.

Episode 4: Sassy Volturi

Bella and Alice arrive in Italy just in time to save Edward; as a result we finally get to meet some cool characters. The Volturi -- vampire royalty so bored with life they amuse their sassy selves by collecting fancy vampires with powers -- make Edward promise to turn her one day. They get home, and Edward is a pouty brat because when he told Bella he no longer loved her and left, she believed him! Meyer continues to drill into the heads of her readers that marriage is "the ultimate," sex before marriage will ruin you, and women being sweet and calm can prevent them from “losing their temper." It's terrible, and the whole series should be set on fire.

Join us every week as we dive back into the "inappropriate" books of our youth and how they impacted our lives, exploring our fresh perspectives on these reads as adult women. In this week's episode (part 3 of 4), Laura Holterman, Sarah Wallisch, Andrea Roedel-Schraeder, and Michelle White review and react to New Moon (The Twilight Saga Book 2).

Part 3: Really, Alice?

We are back for the third week of our review of Twilight : New Moon, and things are finally starting to happen in the book, sort of. Edward thinks Bella is dead, so he decides to go to Italy to kill himself. Bella and Alice (oh yeah -- Alice showed up and her vague-ass powers kind of tell us all this) chase after him. The Shakespeare comparisons go from there, and you can't miss them since Meyer pounds you over the head with Romeo and Juliet.

Join us every week as we dive back into the "inappropriate" books of our youth and how they impacted our lives, exploring our fresh perspectives on these reads as adult women. In this week's episode (part 2 of 4), Laura Holterman, Sarah Wallisch, Andrea Roedel-Schraeder, and Michelle White review and react to New Moon (The Twilight Saga Book 2).

Part 2: Healthy relationship? JK

Welcome back to the second part of our review of Twilight: New Moon. Woooo weee, it’s a doozy. Bella has migrated out of her catatonic state and found a friend, Jacob, who seems to be a pleasant companion. Just kidding -- he has the hots for her and lets her know he will be waiting. So, that’s uncomfortable and high pressure. Bella discovers that dangerous situations make her hallucinate Edward’s voice, so that’s a fun choice for her. Oh yeah, and Jacob tells her in the most roundabout way possible that he’s a werewolf...And we spend 200 pages reading about nothing.

Part 1: Soooooooo In Love

Listeners, I hope you are ready for the emotional journey of Twilight : New Moon. Meet Bella and Edward, and they are SOOOOOOOO in love. Or codependent and controlling, whatever. Until Edward says he no longer loves her and leaves, because Bella is like a pie cooling on the windowsill and hes on the vampire version of Atkins. Bella is so sad she lies down in the forest to die. And somehow, Stephanie Meyer thinks it's appropriate to romanticize this behavior to teenage girls. It's terribly irresponsible and we rip her to shreds as a result.

To wrap up our review of Judy Blume’s Blubber, we are all dying for some redemption. For someone to learn a lesson and we really wish we could say that happens. It doesn’t. Jill’s punishment for Halloween vandalism is to simply rake leaves. That’s it.

And for her weeks of harassment and assault on poor Linda, Jill is subjected to 2 days of her own medicine before they leave her alone and is forced to make a new friend. THAT'S IT. Join us for the thrilling conclusion where we discuss all the moments, we pitched this book across the room.

Jill and her buddies continue to harass their classmate Linda for her weight and we start to see moments that could be learning lessons. A chance for Jill to redeem herself, to right her wrongs, for parents to intervene but NOPE! Let’s just keep plowing along not holding anyone accountable.