Whore-oscopes

When I use the word “cozy”, I’m not doing so lightly. I’ve achieved maximum coziness in the devils hours of the evening after catching a quick chill outside smoking on some sour diesel. It’s earthy skunk with no citrus notes and sticky as hell so it’s getting better as it ages (and dries out a bit).

So as you listen to this episode where I make a rather impassioned argument about why monogamy is flubbing up the natural course of most of your relationships, know these are the vibes in the room where it happened.

I don’t profess to be an expert in relationships, but I would consider myself an expert in desire (full credit to the job) which means I so often see a longing no one is allowed to name fester until it degrades all the relationships that ill fitted one impacts. Sometimes the best friend you’ll ever have needed to want you in a different way first for you to arrive at the place that made you the best of friends. Sometimes, we earn our enemies after hubris or distance or lack of character leads to a falling out that makes a continued relationship untenable. When we’re married to restraint first and foremost, we’re not capable of showing up fully in any of our relationships because we’re not really allowed to play with the confines of them to see what the best fit truly is.

Monogamy as it stands currently, doesn’t reward your curiosity about all the ways intimacy, depth and consideration shows up in your life, it discourages this exploration. To commit to any public deviation from the belief that relationships are supposed to look a certain way forever is to admit to some deficit of character according to our current social contract. All of the tenderness and sincerity you ever expressed is called into question because real love, true love doesn’t question; it knows that this is your person and there are no doubts or questions when it’s real. This belief was the center of an essay I wrote in the spring.

Not only do I find the way we partner currently wholly unnatural, it’s also just far less fun. Dating became this bigseriousthing™️ when it stopped being fun and I’d argue the contradictions and guardrails of monogamy have left us restless, yearning for real fun and that restlessness is spilling out in all sorts of problematic and just generally messy ways. Maybe if we allowed relationships to spool out over time like threading a sewing machine, we can construct something beautiful together. Let the tapestry of life be filled in by many people in a myriad of ways we couldn’t predict. Give the origin story we tell folks who marvel at it on the wall some heft, let it be unforgettable.

If you enjoyed this episode be sure to leave a like, follow and comment. If you haven't tired of my musings and what to find more of them, consider subscribing to my substack, That Deep, tis my baby. https://thatdeep.substack.com/

For all my socials, merch links and other places you can check out, peruse my carrd. https://shakingsheets.carrd.co/

I hope you enjoyed this episode of Whoreoscopes. It marks the official end of hiatus so be on the look out for more episodes (some featuring guests) coming your way soon!

To keep up with me and to continue to support my work, consider subscribing to my Substack, Patreon and Youtube Channel.

https://shakingsheets.carrd.co/

If you'd like some Shaking Sheets merch, it can be found here. https://shakingsheets.shop/

Until next time,

Nia Òla

TikTok forced me to potentially doxx myself in order to “age verify” and I have almost coherent thoughts about it. It’s not pretty but it’s honest.

Welcome back to Whore-oscopes! We have an exciting episode because Nia, our saucy host, has a guest and fellow Substacker, Dana (@TaeHungz) of TikTok.

Dana is an astrologer specializing in political and liberation astrology and she's decided to spill all the tea on the pod about what we can expect considering what's already occurred. We discuss her astrology origin story, what transits and aspects are worth watching and how we can use this tool to better prepare for our future.

If you want to catch up with Dana elsewhere, make sure you're keeping up with her on social media (@TaeHungz) and subscribe to their substack Fourth World Oasis.

https://rahuvia.substack.com

If you'd like to keep up with me, I'm on most socials (@ShakingSheets) and on Substack was well.

https://thatdeep.substack.com

As always: like, comment and favorite the episode and show on your preferred listening platform.

Until next time!

On this episode of Whore-oscopes, Nia Òla (she/they) discusses the history of dating, it’s roots in sex work and why we need to be interacting with it (and its past) honestly, in order to get out of this discontent expressed by the masses.

Don’t forget to like, favorite and share this episode if you enjoyed it.

As always That Deep is Nia’s Substack and one of the ways this work is supported so if you’re not already over there… spare them a subscription. You’ve spent $5 on worse, don’t act silly now.

If you’d like to submit a question for me to offer you advice on, the link to do so is the first in the sources of my show notes. Your question will be aired on the 25th in the Crystal Ball Talk episode. *I don’t answer questions regarding legal or medical matters.

Sources:

https://form.jotform.com/242464812784059

https://thatdeep.substack.com/

https://www.grandviewresearch.com/industry-analysis/online-dating-market-report#:~:text=The global online dating market size was estimated at USD,USD 10.49 billion in 2023

Weigel, M. (2017). Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating. Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

https://www.npr.org/2024/02/14/1231513991/tinder-hinge-match-group-lawsuit

https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/24427323-match-group-complaint

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/01/style/tiktok-dating-ghosting.html

In this episode, Nia Òla has Crystal Ball Talk, where listener submitted questions are read and answered. For the premiere of this segment, topics discussed include: media literacy, what taking accountability looks like, how to date when afraid, polyamory and more.

If you enjoyed yourself, don’t forget to like, favorite, share and comment.

That Deep is Nia’s Substack and one of the ways this work is supported so if you’re not already over there… spare them a subscription. You’ve spent $5 on worse, don’t act silly now.

Sources:

https://form.jotform.com/242464812784059

https://leavingevidence.wordpress.com/2019/12/18/how-to-give-a-good-apology-part-1-the-four-parts-of-accountability/

https://thatdeep.substack.com/p/a-chainsaw-of-lace

https://bookshop.org/p/books/more-than-two-cultivating-nonmonogamous-relationships-with-kindness-and-integrity-eve-rickert/20964103?ean=9781990869587

https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-ethical-slut-third-edition-a-practical-guide-to-polyamory-open-relationships-and-other-freedoms-in-sex-and-love-revised-janet-w-hardy/11368130?ean=9780399579660

https://bookshop.org/p/books/polysecure-and-the-polysecure-workbook-bundle-jessica-fern/18957281?ean=9781990869365

https://youtu.be/9IM1AEbnGX4?si=eHuLN1KFU-rbdd_l

https://youtu.be/01ZXMrPGMyA?si=FrZ8l_6Belaf0XIZ

On this episode, Nia Òla (she/they) explores infidelity as a recovering mistress using personal insights combined with anthropological and sociological study of why we slip and slide. She also regales you with the tale of her first time being a mistress, a story you wouldn't want to miss.

If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to like, comment, follow and share with your friends.

To be included in Crystal Ball (the advice column segment airing on the 25th of every month), don't forget to fill out this form attached. Note: They don't answer questions of the medical or legal variety.

⁠https://form.jotform.com/242464812784059⁠

Don't forget to subscribe to her Substack, That Deep for access to long form essays, narrative short stories and other written musings. The paid tier is currently watching Interview With A Vampire weekly with her so if you'd like to talk tv, this is a good time to get in!

⁠https://thatdeep.substack.com/⁠

Sources for this episode:

⁠https://www.statista.com/statistics/1367073/us-reported-to-infidelity/⁠

Jetha, C., & Ryan, C. (2014). Sex at dawn: How we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships. Harper Perennial. 

This is the premiere episode of Whore-oscopes, a Shaking Sheets Production starring Nia Òla (she/they).

On this episode she discusses loneliness, the building of the digital vigilante and how cyclical this behavior is across history.

Don't forget to like, comment, follow and share if you enjoyed so you don't miss an episode.

If you'd like to keep up with Nia elsewhere, you can find them mostly on TikTok (@ shakingsheets) or IG where she's mostly inactive (@ shakingsheets)

Subscribe to their substack, That Deep for: the Heaux's Know newsletter, essays and more! Paid subscribers also get access to an exclusive podcast episode monthly

https://thatdeep.substack.com

Music by Denys_Brodovskyi

Sources:

https://novaramedia.com/2022/02/14/why-is-gen-z-so-sex-negative/

https://www.economist.com/culture/2024/05/01/is-there-more-or-less-sex-on-screen

https://www.nature.com/articles/s44159-022-00124-1

https://yougov.co.uk/society/articles/48773-what-does-britain-think-of-sex-work-and-sex-workers

https://www.povertycenter.columbia.edu/historical-poverty-trends-and-measurement

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21328803/

https://stephenfollows.com/