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Why aren’t we talking about this: The messiness of grief
Grief. There is no one way to do it.
And yet, when you’re in the thick of it, it’s so easy to feel like you’re getting it wrong - too much, too little, too emotional, too functional. Carrying on when you think you shouldn’t. Falling apart when you think you should be coping better.
Grief is messy. Layered. Multifaceted. No two versions look the same.
And the feelings it surfaces are often not the ones you expected - sometimes not even ones you knew you were carrying.
It isn’t always sadness. Sometimes it’s anger. Sometimes it’s relief. Sometimes it’s resentment. Sometimes you are not just grieving for the person but the idea of the person or what could have been.
Emotions that don’t fit neatly into the very narrow cultural script of what grief is “supposed” to look like.
So in today’s episode of Why Aren’t We Talking About This, I’m talking to grief coach Kate Nudds and we are shinning a light on grief - not the neat, sanitised, five-stages version we’ve all been taught, but the real, lived, complicated way it actually unfolds.
We talk about how grief changes you.
About anticipatory grief and how in many ways you are grieving twice.
About how grief can ambush you months or years later.
We unpack the silent “shoulds” and “should nots.”
How you give yourself permission to feel joy again without guilt.
And when, if ever, it’s the right time to remove someone from the WhatsApp group.
Because grief doesn’t follow a formula. It moves. It shifts. It reshapes you. And maybe the most important thing to say- however yours looks, it’s not wrong.
---
Why Aren’t We Talking About This? is a series of honest conversations about the stuff we rarely discuss but probably should - big feelings, weird thoughts, life, death, and all the messy, beautiful parts of being human.
Hosted by me, Carly Osman-Holme, on a quest to dodge a full-blown existential crisis. I’ve reached that point in life where I’m asking the big questions: How did I get here? What do I actually want? And why didn’t they teach us any of this in school?
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By whyarentwetalkingaboutthisGrief. There is no one way to do it.
And yet, when you’re in the thick of it, it’s so easy to feel like you’re getting it wrong - too much, too little, too emotional, too functional. Carrying on when you think you shouldn’t. Falling apart when you think you should be coping better.
Grief is messy. Layered. Multifaceted. No two versions look the same.
And the feelings it surfaces are often not the ones you expected - sometimes not even ones you knew you were carrying.
It isn’t always sadness. Sometimes it’s anger. Sometimes it’s relief. Sometimes it’s resentment. Sometimes you are not just grieving for the person but the idea of the person or what could have been.
Emotions that don’t fit neatly into the very narrow cultural script of what grief is “supposed” to look like.
So in today’s episode of Why Aren’t We Talking About This, I’m talking to grief coach Kate Nudds and we are shinning a light on grief - not the neat, sanitised, five-stages version we’ve all been taught, but the real, lived, complicated way it actually unfolds.
We talk about how grief changes you.
About anticipatory grief and how in many ways you are grieving twice.
About how grief can ambush you months or years later.
We unpack the silent “shoulds” and “should nots.”
How you give yourself permission to feel joy again without guilt.
And when, if ever, it’s the right time to remove someone from the WhatsApp group.
Because grief doesn’t follow a formula. It moves. It shifts. It reshapes you. And maybe the most important thing to say- however yours looks, it’s not wrong.
---
Why Aren’t We Talking About This? is a series of honest conversations about the stuff we rarely discuss but probably should - big feelings, weird thoughts, life, death, and all the messy, beautiful parts of being human.
Hosted by me, Carly Osman-Holme, on a quest to dodge a full-blown existential crisis. I’ve reached that point in life where I’m asking the big questions: How did I get here? What do I actually want? And why didn’t they teach us any of this in school?