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Why Children Steal, Hide or Hoard: The Real Story Behind ‘Difficult’ Behaviour
In this solo episode, behaviour specialist Andy Baker explores one powerful scenario that reveals the truth behind so many so-called “challenging behaviours”: they are not defiance, manipulation or greed – they’re survival strategies built in the past and carried into the present. Whether you’re a foster carer, teacher, parent, support worker or dementia practitioner, this episode gives you a clear lens for understanding why people repeat behaviours that no longer fit their current environment, and how we can respond with curiosity rather than judgement.
Andy breaks down his motivation climate framework – unmet need, stress, and strategy – and shows how meeting needs and reducing fear leads to safer, calmer, more adaptive behaviour. You’ll hear real examples, practical steps, and trauma-informed approaches that work across education, care settings, parenting, learning disability support and dementia care.
🔗 Resources Mentioned
Andy’s Book – “Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge”
A practical guide exploring the Six-Stage TARGET model and the Able Target System.
Able Target System – A trauma-informed, strengths-based behaviour support framework used across care, education and family settings.
Atomic Habits – James Clear (Referenced concept: making habits obvious, easy, attractive and rewarding.)
🔑 Three Key Messages
1. Behaviour is a strategy, not a character flaw.
Before reacting, ask: What need is unmet? What fear is present? What strategy kept them safe in the past?
2. Safety, certainty and control drive more behaviour than consequences ever will.
When we remove shame and build predictability, behaviour improves because fear reduces.
3. Real change happens when we make old behaviours unnecessary, not when we punish them.
Meeting needs, reducing stress and offering adaptive alternatives creates lasting change.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapter Guide)
00:00 – The misunderstood behaviour: stealing food
Why survival strategies look like “bad behaviour”.
00:25 – Introducing the scenario: Claire’s story
How early neglect shapes unconscious responses long after safety returns.
01:28 – Yesterday’s logic vs today’s logic
Why children (and adults) don’t simply “turn off” old coping strategies.
02:04 – The danger of labels and assumptions
Greedy, manipulative, controlling? Or scared, uncertain and adapting?
02:48 – Confirmation bias in behaviour support
When we decide the narrative too early, we start hunting for evidence to support it.
03:38 – Andy’s Motivation Climate Model
Unmet need → Stress → Strategy (adaptive or maladaptive).
04:48 – Why some maladaptive behaviours were once perfectly adaptive
Context is everything. Behaviour makes sense in the world it was born in.
05:47 – Proactive strategies that actually work
Meeting needs, reducing stress, adding predictability, offering safe control.
06:39 – Reducing shame triggers
Why calling out, teasing or “catching them in the act” backfires dramatically.
07:59 – Adding friction, not punishment
Small adjustments that turn unhelpful habits into less appealing options.
09:11 – Broadening the lens across settings
Schools: pencil stealing, avoidance, reassurance seeking
Parenting: sneaking food, lying
Adult care: swapping items for certainty
Dementia: rummaging, packing, hiding items
10:06 – The key question: how do we make the behaviour unnecessary?
Stopping isn’t enough – replacing is essential.
11:01 – Atomic habits and behaviour change
Make the new behaviour easy, obvious, attractive and rewarding.
11:48 – The Able Target System
How to apply these principles across any care or education environment.
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?
This episode is for you if:
You’re tired of behaviour being labelled “naughty”, “attention seeking”, or “manipulative”.
You want a trauma-informed way to interpret actions before reacting.
You support children or adults with histories of neglect, trauma, learning disability or dementia.
You want practical, compassionate strategies that actually reduce behaviours rather than suppress them.
You want to improve connection, safety and trust in your home, classroom or service.
You will walk away with a new way of thinking – one that brings empathy, clarity and confidence to the most confusing behaviours.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able Training
Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast
View all episodes
By Able Training Support LtdIn this solo episode, behaviour specialist Andy Baker explores one powerful scenario that reveals the truth behind so many so-called “challenging behaviours”: they are not defiance, manipulation or greed – they’re survival strategies built in the past and carried into the present. Whether you’re a foster carer, teacher, parent, support worker or dementia practitioner, this episode gives you a clear lens for understanding why people repeat behaviours that no longer fit their current environment, and how we can respond with curiosity rather than judgement.
Andy breaks down his motivation climate framework – unmet need, stress, and strategy – and shows how meeting needs and reducing fear leads to safer, calmer, more adaptive behaviour. You’ll hear real examples, practical steps, and trauma-informed approaches that work across education, care settings, parenting, learning disability support and dementia care.
🔗 Resources Mentioned
Andy’s Book – “Targeting the Positive with Behaviours That Challenge”
A practical guide exploring the Six-Stage TARGET model and the Able Target System.
Able Target System – A trauma-informed, strengths-based behaviour support framework used across care, education and family settings.
Atomic Habits – James Clear (Referenced concept: making habits obvious, easy, attractive and rewarding.)
🔑 Three Key Messages
1. Behaviour is a strategy, not a character flaw.
Before reacting, ask: What need is unmet? What fear is present? What strategy kept them safe in the past?
2. Safety, certainty and control drive more behaviour than consequences ever will.
When we remove shame and build predictability, behaviour improves because fear reduces.
3. Real change happens when we make old behaviours unnecessary, not when we punish them.
Meeting needs, reducing stress and offering adaptive alternatives creates lasting change.
⏱️ Timestamps (Chapter Guide)
00:00 – The misunderstood behaviour: stealing food
Why survival strategies look like “bad behaviour”.
00:25 – Introducing the scenario: Claire’s story
How early neglect shapes unconscious responses long after safety returns.
01:28 – Yesterday’s logic vs today’s logic
Why children (and adults) don’t simply “turn off” old coping strategies.
02:04 – The danger of labels and assumptions
Greedy, manipulative, controlling? Or scared, uncertain and adapting?
02:48 – Confirmation bias in behaviour support
When we decide the narrative too early, we start hunting for evidence to support it.
03:38 – Andy’s Motivation Climate Model
Unmet need → Stress → Strategy (adaptive or maladaptive).
04:48 – Why some maladaptive behaviours were once perfectly adaptive
Context is everything. Behaviour makes sense in the world it was born in.
05:47 – Proactive strategies that actually work
Meeting needs, reducing stress, adding predictability, offering safe control.
06:39 – Reducing shame triggers
Why calling out, teasing or “catching them in the act” backfires dramatically.
07:59 – Adding friction, not punishment
Small adjustments that turn unhelpful habits into less appealing options.
09:11 – Broadening the lens across settings
Schools: pencil stealing, avoidance, reassurance seeking
Parenting: sneaking food, lying
Adult care: swapping items for certainty
Dementia: rummaging, packing, hiding items
10:06 – The key question: how do we make the behaviour unnecessary?
Stopping isn’t enough – replacing is essential.
11:01 – Atomic habits and behaviour change
Make the new behaviour easy, obvious, attractive and rewarding.
11:48 – The Able Target System
How to apply these principles across any care or education environment.
🎧 Why Listen to This Episode?
This episode is for you if:
You’re tired of behaviour being labelled “naughty”, “attention seeking”, or “manipulative”.
You want a trauma-informed way to interpret actions before reacting.
You support children or adults with histories of neglect, trauma, learning disability or dementia.
You want practical, compassionate strategies that actually reduce behaviours rather than suppress them.
You want to improve connection, safety and trust in your home, classroom or service.
You will walk away with a new way of thinking – one that brings empathy, clarity and confidence to the most confusing behaviours.
📲 Connect with Able to Care & Able Training
Website: https://able-training.co.uk/podcast
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abletraining/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/abletrainingexperience
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/able-training-ltd-/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@abletocarepodcast