This week we will talk about breaking a therapist’s trust and what to do, why we can always feel like a bad person, the signs of past sexual abuse, why we can get stuck in negative thoughts cycles and blaming ourselves for every misstep, and whether comfort is a need or a want. Let’s get into those questions! 

1/ II broke my therapist’s trust and she expressed that she felt angry with me. I totally agree that I crossed a line but for the rest of the session I don’t feel like she treated me very kindly. I felt pushed to...

2/ I hope you are doing well. I wanted to ask you why I always feel like such a bad person. I feel like there is something wrong with me, and that's why everyday I try to be nicer and nicer so that no one thinks I'm mean.

3/ I have several signs of having been sexually abused as a little girl. I don't have any memory of it and no suspicions as to who may have done it nor when it happened. I don't have body memories, I don't have flashbacks, and I don't have...

4/ I am often reminded of minor mistakes I have made in my life throughout the day. These personal small blunders from my past enter my stream of consciousness like...

5/ I am wondering about comfort: is it a need or a want? I know children need comfort, but I’m a 40-year-old adult! Meds plus 2.5 years of therapy have helped me get a little better at handling my feelings, but honestly, I still suck. I still crave comfort when my emotions get so overwhelming, which is often, but I don’t trust anyone…except my therapist. 

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Traumatized   https://geni.us/Bfak0j  
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Online Therapy:
I do not currently offer online therapy.  My sponsor BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: https://betterhelp.com/kati

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Please Read 
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"Why Do I Always Feel Like A Bad Person?" AKA 187

Welcome to Ask Kati Anything, the podcast where your mental health questions find real answers. Kati Morton, LMFT, brings 12+ years of experience as a licensed therapist, published author and trusted voice in the mental health community. Exploring topics like anxiety, depression, stress, self-esteem, trauma, and more. Join in for inspiration, motivation, and empowerment on the journey to better mental health.

PUBLISHED BOOKS
Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j 
Are u ok?   https://geni.us/sva4iUY  Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/support

Health & Fitness

Mental Health

Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 216 | This week Kati talks about what to do when a therapist forgets our appointment or has to reschedule us last minute, and why that can be so upsetting. She then explains why our self-harm behaviors can change over time, whether or not validation in trauma therapy is good or bad, and the connection between religious trauma and OCD or perfectionism. Then she talks about perfectionism, where it comes from, and why it can permeate our entire life. Finally, she talks about being a highly sensitive person (HSP) and managing our sensory sensitivities.
Audience questions:
1. My therapist who I have been seeing for 2+ years double-scheduled me and another family “in crisis” on the same day recently and I had to go home. She was going to meet me the next day (on Saturday morning) but I felt the need to push away and delayed it to next week. I am really attached to her in this push/pull way and I felt really hurt even though I know intellectually she just made a scheduling error. I also felt upset because it triggered my beliefs from childhood that I'm not as important and that I am always second because the other family had worse things going on. Also, what does family in crisis mean? I have had several times where she has forgotten my appointments. I can't tell whether it is my disorganized attachment or truly an unstable therapy relationship? 01:23
2. Can you talk about why self harm behavior changes? I’ve changed places and how I do it a lot since starting and I’m curious as to why that is? I still have my ‘go to’ spot for when there’s nothing more I need than to do it after flashbacks but it’s changed so much and I’m not sure why... 15:41
3. Lately I've seen several references from other therapists talking about trauma therapy, and that validation can sometimes be harmful in trauma therapy. I had a therapist (who had postdoc training specifically in trauma) who I asked for validation, or correction if I was not correct, because I was perceiving him as incongruent. Turns out he was being incongruent (which came out at the end of a 10 months rupture he would acknowledge existed but refused to talk about directly and openly). I spent months in limbo, operating from the perspective that it was my perception that was the issue, which really impacted my perception of reality and trust in myself... 23:29
4. Can you talk more about religious trauma? What effects does the fear of hell have on a child? I developed some OCD tendencies and extreme perfectionism. Is this common? 31:32
5. I seem to be a perfectionist not only when it comes to work but also in regards to every human interaction I have: Whenever I meet with friends or family, I try my absolute best at making them feel validated and comfortable in my present. I strive to be the perfect listener and friend, although I know that that's an unattainable goal. And I'm not very good at it, either. I get so anxious about making "mistakes" and upsetting someone or even... 37:03
6. I have a follow-up to your HSP video. How do I sort out sensory issues? I know I have some sensory sensitivities being an introvert and having social anxiety. But I also have migraines and don't know if sensory issues are because of the migraines or a cause of the migraines, or could I be an HSP, or could I even be on the spectrum. I've tested... 41:42


PUBLISHED BOOKS
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Traumatized⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Are u ok?⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠   

A great way to support my channel is to visit our sponsors by using these links:
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Amazon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instacart⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠


⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ONLINE THERAPY⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://betterhelp.com/kati⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ (enjoy 10% off your first month)


SOCIAL
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PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney   linnea@underscoretalent.com

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"Why do I always feel unimportant?" | ep. 216

This week licensed therapist, Kati Morton shares some ways we can be more honest with our therapist about our depression, the difference between understanding something intellectually versus feeling it emotionally, and introversion versus social anxiety. She then offers some insight into the ways we can appreciate our bodies, how to get in touch with our emotions, and how to tell where you are feeling them in your body. 


Audience questions:

1. I find it hard to tell my therapist I feel like I am slipping into another depressive episode. We have done so much work and she has been so proud of me that I feel bad having to say I am slipping. I feel like she will be disappointed in me - even though she'd never admit to it. I want to be honest instead of mask but it's so hard. Why is this so hard for me? 01:10

2. Why is it that intellectually I can understand my adverse childhood experiences and trauma, but emotionally I am an absolute mess? I have been reading many books about ACE's and trauma including both of yours. I bounce between ah ha moments to being unregulated. I can understand why learning was so hard as a child/teenager, my teacher comments that I was "lazy," "not living up to my potential'' or a "daydreamer" are not true, or that I can tune out loud noises or someone talking... 10:46

3. I'm very introverted plus have social anxiety. How can I tell whether I actually need alone time at the moment or am just avoiding it because of the anxiety, but it would be good for me to step outside my comfort zone?  25:11

4. How can I learn to love and appreciate my body? I feel like my body is just this inconvenient attachment I have to lug around all day. I’m irritated when it needs something like food or the bathroom. Sexuality is a completely foreign concept. I’ve done the work to figure out how I got here and obviously there’s many reasons for this. But now I don’t know how to get myself back... 28:09

5. Hi Kati, my question is about getting in touch with your emotions and working through the difficult ones.. for example my therapist told me depression is anger turned inward but everytime I try and get in touch with my anger it doesn’t want to talk to me.  I try to work through it during therapy and it doesn’t want to come out. 34:37

6. My therapist tells me that I need to feel my emotions in my body but I can never pinpoint where in my body I feel my emotions, especially positive emotions. 37:38


PUBLISHED BOOKS
⁠⁠⁠⁠Traumatized⁠⁠⁠⁠  
⁠⁠⁠⁠Are u ok?⁠⁠⁠⁠     

A great way to support my channel is to visit our sponsors by using these links:
⁠⁠⁠⁠Amazon⁠⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠⁠Instacart⁠⁠⁠⁠


⁠⁠⁠⁠ONLINE THERAPY⁠⁠⁠⁠
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://betterhelp.com/kati⁠⁠⁠⁠ (enjoy 10% off your first month)


SOCIAL
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⁠⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠⁠


PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney   linnea@underscoretalent.com

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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/message
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“Am I an Introvert or is it Social Anxiety?” | ep.215

On Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 214 licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about trauma from a single event versus multiple traumas over time. She also explains why a therapist might ask you if you want to schedule your next appointment, how to stop ruminating, and why self harm can often be linked to a lack of validation. Then she discusses boundaries, why they can be hard to set, uphold, and why they can feel so bad sometimes.


audience questions:
1. How does trauma due to a single event (ex: a car accident or rape) differ from trauma from an extended period of time and multiple associated incidents (ex: a soldier in heavy combat during a deployment or being in an abusive relationship over years)? How do symptoms and the overall impact differ? How does the approach that a therapist takes to treat these two different scenarios differ? Is one easier to recover from than the other? 01:30	
2. Why, at the end of every session, does my therapist ask me if I want to go ahead and schedule the next appointment or reach out for one later? I know I’m reading too much into this but the thought of her thinking I don’t really need therapy popped into my head. 09:53
3. Please talk about ruminating! It’s brutal, but it’s helped me remember and process narc abuse and bolstered me in my nc decision. But I need to move on, too. Thank you, Kati. 13:46
4. Why is it that self-harmers across the board all seem to struggle with validation of their emotional pain and self-harm? It’s as if we are in an unspoken competition to prove who has the worst pain. I see this in myself, and my OCD accentuates it. So there can be an element of compulsion to my self-harm. The bar keeps moving higher as to what I have to do to myself to prove my emotional pain is severe and the degree of self-harm valid... 18:30
5. Kati I was wondering why you don’t see patients anymore. I know you are busy but you have such great advice. Also I have been wondering why boundaries are hard for me. I broke my boundaries with my therapist and it seems to be hard not to do it again. I think I have an anxious attachment to her and I... 25:26
6. Why does upholding my boundaries feel so defeating? To give insight- I'm in a toxic relationship where my partner is regularly passive aggressive and my boundary is "I cannot tolerate this behavior, I get really panicky and actually don't hear what you're saying, so- whenever you do x, I will leave our conversation and go to my room." I am saving up to eventually leave, because he doesn't see a fault in his behavior and it's getting really exhausting... 31:06


PUBLISHED BOOKS
⁠⁠⁠Traumatized⁠⁠⁠ 
⁠⁠⁠Are u ok?⁠⁠⁠    

A great way to support my channel is to visit our sponsors by using these links:
⁠⁠⁠Amazon⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Instacart⁠⁠⁠


⁠⁠⁠ONLINE THERAPY⁠⁠⁠
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: ⁠⁠⁠https://betterhelp.com/kati⁠⁠⁠ (enjoy 10% off your first month)


SOCIAL
⁠⁠⁠X⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Pinterest⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠


PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney   linnea@underscoretalent.com

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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/support

"What's the difference between PTSD vs CPTSD?" | ep.214

On Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 213, licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about what it means to be your own victim, and how that can be used as a way to victim blame. She then explains avoidant attachment and how it can affect our therapy process, what to do if we are an introvert but also lonely, and how to help a partner dealing with trauma nightmares. She discusses the difference between agoraphobia and complex PTSD, and the effects of having a parent laugh at our self harm struggles.
audience questions:
1. How can people say you are your own victim? I have depression and low to null self-esteem …I am trying to make better through therapy and CBT/DBT practices etc. However, recently my friend told me that I am my own victim which I kind of get because of my self esteem issues but my depression is not a choice. It is not like I wake up every morning and say I am going to feel shitty about everything today.  In CBT, we learn that you can only control your own behavior but what am I doing wrong to still feel depressed if I am following the so-called rule books and doing opposite action, thought questioning,etc and still feel depressed frequently?  I am on medications, have attended outpatient therapy and go to therapy weekly for almost 2 years.  So, how am I choosing to be depressed again?  01:33
 2. I struggle with avoidant attachment. I’m struggling with feeling like my therapist doesn’t actually care about me and I have a push and pull urge to cancel all my appointments but also I want to increase my appointments. Does this mean she’s not a good match or how do I work through this with her? 10:23
3. How do we cope with being an extreme introvert, but also being very lonely. It's a constant battle and I feel like a walking contradiction! There are often times when I want to go out. And crave connection. Yet as soon as I start to socialize I feel exhausted. I'm socially anxious, which I know may be part of it, but to be clear, I'm talking about the times when I'm calm and comfortable... 15:40
4. I’m hoping for advice on helping ground a partner with extremely severe night terrors/panic attacks. My girlfriend has quite a lot of compounded trauma from past SA, DV, & past life threatening situations. Unfortunately she suffers from these ptsd-esque attacks multiple nights a week. When I mean severe I mean during them she seems to think she is back in old abusive situations, seeing me initially as a threat. She cries, sweats, hyperventilates and trembles, begs “no” and for “it” to stop.  24:21
5. What is the difference between complex PTSD and agoraphobia? Also in terms of treatment? For example going outside makes me anxious because I fear getting kidnapped or harmed in any way but also staying at home alone gives me anxiety because I fear that someone will break in. And I get panicky when I am in crowds but only if I don't see a way out. All in all, I feel paranoid because I "need" to look over my shoulder to make sure, no one is following and I really dread going back to uni. I'd rather stay at home. 32:43	
6. Hi Kati, can you please talk about how it affects a child for a parent to laugh and make jokes about their self harm when they notice it? I feel so fucked up from everything that happened and still self harm years later. I also had sexual abuse as a child from a family member that got shushed and never spoken about.  37:37	


PUBLISHED BOOKS
⁠⁠Traumatized⁠⁠   
⁠⁠Are u ok?⁠⁠     

A great way to support my channel is to visit our sponsors by using these links:
⁠⁠Amazon⁠⁠
⁠⁠Instacart⁠⁠


⁠⁠ONLINE THERAPY⁠⁠
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: ⁠⁠https://betterhelp.com/kati⁠⁠ (enjoy 10% off your first month)


SOCIAL
⁠⁠X⁠⁠
⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠
⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠
⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠
⁠⁠Pinterest⁠⁠
⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠


PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney   linnea@underscoretalent.com

--- 

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/support

"How can I be my own victim?" | ep.213

On Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 212, licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses therapy hangovers and if those are even real. She then explains why talking positively to ourselves can give us the icks, why we can not like it if our therapist enjoys their job, and how we can ask our therapist to support us when we are having a hard time. She ends with the reasons we can not want to talk about our eating habits in therapy, and her experience working in community health clinics.

audience questions:
1. My question is about “therapy hangovers”. Is it even real? If it is real how does one deal with it and how long should it last? 00:43
2. How does one get used to positive talk when their whole life they have been shit talked to. I get the ick with compliments and when someone shows that they care 09:49
3. Why do I hate it when my therapist says that he loves his job and that he really enjoys working with his patients? When he says that it makes me feel like I'm there for his entertainment. I feel like a circus freak, like I'm only there for him to study and learn from. 13:56
4. I was having a hard time during my last therapy session. I didn’t want to talk much and felt really low. My therapist asked how she can support me. I had no idea what to say so I just told her that I didn’t know. What does she mean when she asks this? What kinds of support can she give during the therapy session? I do remote therapy by the way. 22:15
5. My question is about not wanting to talk about my eating habits in therapy. In one of my first few sessions my therapist asked me about my relationship with food. I’m overweight and I don’t have very healthy eating habits. I would not consider it to be an eating disorder but who knows, a professional might disagree. I told her that I’ve seen dieticians before and I have all the knowledge I need about healthy eating and that I’m not interested in addressing this in therapy. She has diagnosed me with PTSD from S/A that happened when I was 23 (5 years ago) and that’s what I want to work on. The next session she brought up my eating habits again and advised me to see another dietician. I can’t help but feel frustrated. This is not what I’m here for and after being overweight for most of my life (since I was 12), I’m so sick and tired of every health professional bringing this up. Sore throat? It’s your weight. Ingrown toenail? You might want to lose some weight. Dry skin? It’s probably your weight. One time I saw my doctor for pain in my shoulders and left her office with a referral for gastric surgery. And here we are again. Maybe I’m overreacting or even lashing out because it's such a sensitive subject or is it justified that I don’t want to talk about this in therapy? I would love to get your opinion and hear from others who can relate. 32:46
6. As a clinician who watches your videos, I’m wondering if you have ever worked in community mental health. What would you say CMH is doing well, versus what’s not so good? That can be in a systemic sense, a sense of what the clients or clinicians deal with, or just general. Curious for your input! 42:36


PUBLISHED BOOKS
⁠Traumatized⁠   
⁠Are u ok?⁠     

A great way to support my channel is to visit our sponsors by using these links:
⁠Amazon⁠
⁠Instacart⁠


⁠ONLINE THERAPY⁠
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: ⁠https://betterhelp.com/kati⁠ (enjoy 10% off your first month)


SOCIAL
⁠X⁠
⁠TikTok⁠
⁠Facebook⁠
⁠Instagram⁠
⁠Pinterest⁠
⁠Patreon⁠


PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney   linnea@underscoretalent.com

--- 

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/support

"Why Do I Always Feel Like A Bad Person?" AKA 187

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