Do you constantly over-do, over-give, and over-perform to "earn your keep" in your relationships? On this episode of Ask Kati Anything, licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton transitions to an all-new, single-topic format to take a deep, evidence-based dive into the world of over-functioning.

Through real community stories and personal reflections, Kati maps out the 6-stage cycle that leads from automatic over-giving straight into quiet resentment, eventual blowups, and toxic guilt. But this isn’t just an emotional burden. Kati shares fascinating, decades-spanning clinical research—including the concept of "unmitigated communion," a 7-year study following 1,340 couples, and a chilling 2022 medical study linking "self-silencing" directly to physical cardiovascular risks like carotid plaque.

If your body is carrying what your mouth refuses to say, it is time to break the loop. Tune in to get a clear, 4-step actionable framework to practice "deliberate under-functioning," express specific needs, and tolerate the discomfort of choosing growth over chronic exhaustion.

Chapters:

00:00 - A New Format for Ask Kati Anything

02:00 - What is Over-Functioning? Community Stories

04:00 - Fawning, People-Pleasing, and the Need to Feel Safe

07:40 - Earning Love: Kati’s Personal Story with Perfectionism

11:50 - The 6 Rungs of the Over-Functioning Cycle

22:02 - Episode sponsor message: BiOptimizers Magnesium Breakthrough - go to https://bioptimizers.com/kati and use code KATI for 15% off your entire order Plus a Free bottle of Masszymes

23:34 - Unmitigated Communion: When the Self Disappears

30:23 - The Relationship Trap: 7-Year Study of 1,340 Couples

35:36 - The Cardiovascular Cost of Self-Silencing

38:27 - Step 1: Identify Your Current Rung

40:34 - Step 2: Deliberate Under-Functioning

45:30 - Step 3: Make a Single, Specific Ask

49:15 - Step 4: Tolerate the Discomfort (Data vs. Danger)

52:43 - Next Week's Preview: Understanding Health Insurance

Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it, leave your questions for next week's topic in the comments, and don't forget to subscribe!

Books

Why Do I Keep Doing This? https://geni.us/XoyLSQ

Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j

Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY

ONLINE THERAPY (enjoy 10% off your first month)

While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati

PARTNERSHIPS

Nick Freeman | [email protected]

Disclaimer

The information provided in this video is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or mental health advice. It should not be used to diagnose or treat any health problem or disease. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for diagnosis and treatment. Viewing this content does not establish a therapist-client relationship.

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Most of us know what we should be doing. The harder question is why we can't actually do it. In this episode, Dr. Rachel Goldman joins Kati to talk about food noise, GLP-1s, cognitive behavioral therapy, and the small mindset shifts that change everything. Dr. Rachel is a clinical psychologist, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at NYU Grossman School of Medicine, and author of the new book When Life Happens. She specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy, stress, and the treatment of eating disorders and obesity, and she runs a private practice in New York City.

Today we talk about why your brain defaults to worst-case scenario (it's survival wiring, not a personal flaw), the one-word shift that interrupts all-or-nothing thinking, and the cognitive distortions quietly running your day. Dr. Rachel walks us through what food noise actually is and why some people genuinely don't have it, how GLP-1 medications are changing the conversation around eating disorders and obesity treatment, and what most people misunderstand about both. We get into why the body sends signals that get louder until you finally listen, why "finding balance" is setting you up to fail, and the reframe that finally helped Dr. Rachel stop cancelling on herself.

We also go personal: how a clinical psychologist talks to her own kids about mistakes, what's actually in her toolbox when life feels too heavy, and the moment that changed how she thinks about self-care.

If you've been doing the work, reading the books, going to therapy, and still feel like you can't get traction, this conversation gives you a place to start that doesn't require overhauling your life.

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Chapters

Dr. Rachel's book When Life Happens is out now: whenlifehappensbook.com
Find Dr. Rachel on Instagram: @drrachelnyc

More from Kati

Kati's Books
Why Do I Keep Doing This? geni.us/XoyLSQ
Traumatized geni.us/Bfak0j
Are u ok? geni.us/sva4iUY

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What do you do when your relationship is hard but you can't tell if it's worth saving, or when your trauma history makes your instincts feel unreliable? This week on Ask Kati Anything, licensed therapist Kati Morton, LMFT, answers seven listener questions about the moments when everything feels overwhelming and you can't tell what's the relationship, what's the depression, and what's the trauma talking.

Topics in this episode include: when to stay in a relationship versus when to leave, BPD and people pleasing, complex PTSD and attachment wounds, fear of abandonment, codependency, starting therapy when you have bulimia, non-suicidal self-injury, and dissociation, grounding techniques for flashbacks, what healthy love actually looks like, why depression breakthrough symptoms make you feel empty after good experiences, shame spirals and how vulnerability snuffs shame out (Brené Brown's research), rumination, behavioral activation, recovering motivation after emotional burnout, finding yourself again after trauma, inner child work and writing letters to your younger self, and how to respond to unsolicited advice without building resentment.

Timestamps:

00:00 Intro

00:56 When to stay vs leave a relationship, attachment, BPD, complex PTSD

12:00 Starting therapy with bulimia, BPD, self-harm, and dissociation

19:00 What healthy love really looks like

25:11 Feeling empty after going out, depression breakthrough symptoms

28:39 Shame spirals, rumination, and Brené Brown on vulnerability

34:25 Lack of motivation after burnout, becoming yourself after trauma

40:56 Inner child work, writing letters to your younger self

45:21 Unsolicited advice and how to respond

Submit your question: https://www.youtube.com/@Katimorton/community

Follow Kati on Instagram: @katimorton

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In this episode of Ask Kati Anything, licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton welcomes keynote speaker and bestselling author Ginny Priem to discuss the heavy toll of over-functioning and the path to reclaiming your identity. Ginny shares her powerful Unsubscribe Framework, a tool designed to help you filter out the noise and set firm boundaries in both your professional and personal life.

From uncovering a partner's shocking double life to navigating the complexities of narcissistic family dynamics, Kati and Ginny explore how to heal from betrayal and the necessity of choosing peace over toxic loyalty.

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Topics covered:

Ginny Priem:

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In this episode of Ask Kati Anything, licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton addresses why the healing process often feels more overwhelming after a breakthrough or a new diagnosis. We dive deep into the complexities of adult autism, the physical "freeze" response caused by trauma shame, and the frustration of feeling like your mental health journey has stalled.

Kati also shares her perspective on the evolving role of GLP-1 medications in treating "food noise" and why reaching out for help when you’re "doing okay" is actually the best time for deep therapeutic work. Whether you’re navigating a difficult legal trigger like a parole hearing or searching for meaning in the face of depression, this episode provides grounded, empathetic tools to help you move forward.

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Key Topics Covered

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She caught herself mid-sentence and realized it wasn't her voice. It was her mother's. This episode is about the patterns you inherited without knowing it, the ones running your parenting, your relationships, and the way you talk to yourself right now.Kati sits down with JoAnn Crohn, parenting educator and founder of No Guilt Mom, for a conversation that starts with mom guilt and lands somewhere much deeper. JoAnn shares how she white-knuckled through breastfeeding because she believed that's what a good mom does, and the single sentence from a therapist that broke the pattern. Kati talks about spending a month with her own mother and watching in real time as her self-talk mirrored thoughts her mom carried decades earlier. Together they trace how the martyrhood pattern gets passed down, why so many women lose themselves in motherhood without noticing, and what it actually takes to come back.They also cover why families that never fought produce adults who think conflict means the relationship is over, what happens when your kid leaves for college and you realize your identity went with them, the journaling practice that rewired JoAnn's thought spirals, why naming your inner critic actually helps you stop believing it, and how JoAnn found herself again through improv comedy at 44. This is the conversation for anyone who has ever heard themselves say something and thought: that wasn't me. That was my mom.

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Ask Kati Anything ep. 311 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT with guest: JoAnn Crone

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Struggling with treatment-resistant depression or trying to recover from narcissistic parents and a lost sense of identity? In this episode, Katie Morton, LMFT, explores advanced mental health treatments and provides a roadmap for healing from complicated family dynamics. Whether you are dealing with "sticky memories," navigating a schizoaffective disorder diagnosis, or looking for ways to manage the physical toll of trauma on your gut, this deep dive offers practical tools to help you reclaim your life. We also discuss the power of boundaries and the vital role sleep plays in regulating anxiety.

Shopping with our sponsors helps support Ask Kati Anything. Please check out this week's special offers:

• Magnesium promotes relaxation and more restful sleep - visit https://bioptimizers.com/kati for 15% off any order

• Care.com: Get 20% off a subscription or a senior care advisor plan at https://www.care.com/ using code KATI

Chapters

00:00:49 – Q1: Creating Perspective in Severe Depression

A viewer struggling with autism and treatment-resistant depression asks how to find small moments to live for when every task feels like "climbing Mount Everest."

00:14:17 – Q2: Recovering Identity from Narcissistic Parents

A child of divorce seeks advice on building a sense of self after growing up with a narcissistic mother and an emotionally unavailable father.

00:20:50 – Q2 Follow-up: Healing the "Parental Wound"

Addressing a comment on parental isolation, Katie discusses inner child work and letting go of the idealized version of a parent.

00:26:12 – Q3: Understanding "Sticky Memories"

A viewer asks if they are "mixing memories" regarding childhood abuse or if their brain is signaling something real that needs processing.

00:29:24 – Q4: What is Projective Identification?

How to stop taking on other people’s intense emotions and use "inward boundaries" to protect your own mental space.

00:35:24 – Q5: Navigating a Schizoaffective Diagnosis

Katie breaks down the DSM criteria for schizoaffective disorder, explaining the intersection of mood disorders and psychosis.

00:40:38 – Q6: The Connection Between Trauma and the Gut

An exploration of the "gut-brain axis" and how chronic stress and high cortisol can lead to physical abdominal issues.

00:45:11 – Q7: Why Sleep is Essential for Anxiety Relief

A discussion on how sleep "cleans" the brain and provides the emotional regulation needed to weather life's storms.

SchizoKitzo (tiktoker mentioned in episode)

Ask Kati Anything ep. 310 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT

Books

Why Do I Keep Doing This? https://geni.us/XoyLSQ

Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j

Are u ok? https://geni.us/sva4iUY

ONLINE THERAPY (enjoy 10% off your first month)

While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati

PARTNERSHIPS

Nick Freeman | [email protected]

Disclaimer:

The information provided in this video is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or mental health advice. It should not be used to diagnose or treat any health problem or disease. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for diagnosis and treatment. Viewing this content does not establish a therapist-client relationship.

#podcast #psychology #katimorton

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If you feel like your therapist is speaking a foreign language when they talk about "stability" or "trust," this video is for you. We break down the specific requirements for starting trauma-focused work like EMDR and why your brain might be "pulling the ripcord" through dissociation.

Shopping with our sponsors helps support Ask Kati Anything. Please check out this week's special offers:

MY BOOKS

⁠Why Do I Keep Doing This?⁠

ONLINE THERAPY (enjoy 10% off your first month)

While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: ⁠⁠https://betterhelp.com/kati⁠

PARTNERSHIPS

Disclaimer

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Have you ever felt ashamed in therapy because your behaviors aren't changing fast enough? In this episode of Ask Kati Anything, licensed marriage and family therapist Kati Morton answers 8 listener questions on eating disorders, therapy, intimacy, ego death, depression, and mental health recovery.

Topics covered include eating disorder recovery, higher levels of care (IOP and PHP), what therapists notice about body language and appearance, caregiver burnout, intimacy struggles after trauma, ego death and psychedelics, DASS questionnaires, and returning depression after remission.

This Week's Sponsors:

MY BOOKS

Why Do I Keep Doing This?

ONLINE THERAPY (enjoy 10% off your first month)

While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: ⁠https://betterhelp.com/kati

PARTNERSHIPS

Disclaimer

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What happens when the life you built online suddenly crashes? In this episode of Ask Kati Anything, I’m joined by "Creators 4 Mental Health" founder Shira Lazar to pull back the curtain on the dark side of the creator economy. Shira opens up about a personal story and feeling like a failure which triggered a decade-long journey of rebuilding her self-worth from the ground up. We discuss the "silent crisis" facing content creators today, including shocking new research that reveals why so many are spiraling behind the scenes. Whether you are struggling with a "public failure" of your own or trying to stop tying your value to external validation, this conversation offers a roadmap for turning your darkest moments into a catalyst for change.

Shopping with our sponsors helps support Ask Kati Anything. Please check out this week's special offers:

Episode Timestamps:

Learn more about the Creators 4 Mental Health

https://www.creators4mentalhealth.com/

ONLINE THERAPY (enjoy 10% off your first month)

While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati

PARTNERSHIPS

Nick Freeman | [email protected]

Disclaimer:

The information provided in this video is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical or mental health advice. It should not be used to diagnose or treat any health problem or disease. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional for diagnosis and treatment. Viewing this content does not establish a therapist-client relationship.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices