This week licensed therapist Kati Morton will explain how we can get comfortable expressing our anger, how long is too long to stay with one therapist, and if it’s possible to be too close to our mom growing up. She also explains why looking up our therapist on social media can make us feel bad, and whether or not binge listening to this podcast is good or bad for your mental health.

Ask Kati Anything ep. 253 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT

2. How long is too long to stay with one therapist? Is it healthy to stay with one for many years? (It’s been close to 6 years) I know at some point things could change as people leave. I’m worried all the time things will change and I’ll feel like I’m in mourning when it ends. 13:38

3. Is there such a thing as being too attached and close to your mother growing up? Can it cause a child to grow up to be codependent or rather, overly dependent? I find that I always ask for my mom’s opinions and reassurance and approval for everything because she is so intelligent and insightful, so I’ve learnt my whole life to trust her opinions more than my own. I wouldn’t call my mom a helicopter parent in any other way apart from this aspect of being very eager to jump in and provide her opinions and thoughts and insights. I wish I was more independent and had more confidence in myself. What are your thoughts on this and how can I work on this? 16:40

4. I have found that I occasionally look up my therapist on social media…I am not able to see much, but I am able to see some things because we have some mutual friends. When I see that they’re happy in their marriage, laughing in pictures, or they have friends they’re spending time with, why does that make me so sad? I usually get anxious and want to cry. I don’t have a spouse or a family of my own so I wonder if it’s just that I so badly long for that and fear I’ll never have it…but then I also wonder if it’s just because I wish I could be my therapist’s friend and they liked me outside of session. I know this isn’t ethical so it won’t happen, but I don’t know why just seeing them happy makes me sad. I don’t feel that way when I see other people so happy. Why does it bother me?! And how do I not let it? I often fear that I am “too much” and have a hard time seeing/believing the good about myself. I want to just be happy when I see people so happy. For context, I was emotionally neglected, bullied, and physically & sexually abused. I do have CPTSD, I am obviously in therapy. I fear I’ll never get to a point where someone will want to be in my life. 24:08

5. I recently found your channel, and I can't stop binge listening to your podcast. Can doing this be an unhealthy coping skill to avoid my own thoughts and feelings? Or do you think this could this be something else? 31:27

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton explains why we can have a hard time believing we aren’t a horrible person, the effects of having a sibling with mental health issues, and what it really means to “get better.” She also explains what it means to have a “nervous breakdown,” and finally how to cope with emotionally immature parents.

Ask Kati Anything ep. 252 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT

1. I have a really hard time believing I am not a horrible person. My therapist asks me why I can’t accept the good things about myself, but I just can’t. It isn’t that I want to continue to think shitty thoughts about myself, I just can’t break them. How do I do that? I worry I am going to push my therapist away because I can’t seem to break these beliefs about myself. I fear I am wasting her time. For context, I have CPTSD, was emotionally neglected, parentified and have a narcissistic parent…on top of other trauma. Thank you for all you do and for answering our questions! 01:00

2. Could you talk about the effects on the sibling of someone (both same age) who has struggled with severe self-harm for years and suicide attempts (non-violent and luckily not successful) eg. the trauma and what that could look like for the sibling who witnessed everything, the “mental preparation” for believing that they are going to someday be successful at their suicide attempt, the core beliefs formed from it all, the neglect due to a high needs sibling etc. Any and all thoughts on the effects and anything else you can think of would be so appreciated. Thanks for all you do, Kati!! (COMMENT: as an add on, can it affect the person who is struggling when they know a sibling knows? // As an add-on if this relates…can you talk about how witnessing a sibling being physically abused impacts you? Then in turn how being abused by that sibling impacts you? I was bullied a lot outside of the home (my sibling joined in on that), but they were also physically and verbally abusive within the home. I understand they had a lot of big emotions and I was an easy target, but I still wonder how all of it has impacted how I view myself. // As an add on if it relates: I have been in therapy for years but struggle to talk to my siblings about the abuse from our childhood. Any ideas how to open that conversation?) 07:12

3. Hi Kati! It is a weird question, but I am not asking for the specifics: When we say it eventually will get better, what is the broad definition of "get better"? The thing is, it is true that it relatively got better, but it is still so hard, and some aspects become harder, I started to feel like I am in a loop where every time I feel like: I am at the end of the rope now, there is more, I am losing my patience and it is terrifying. 19:16

4. What exactly is a “nervous breakdown”? Is that term outdated? When do I know I’m having one and what should one do? 24:15

5. Hi Kati, how do you cope with parents who were emotionally immature/neglectful/abusive when you were a child, but treat their grandchildren entirely differently..aka giving them the childhood you did not have? I feel like I was treated as an adult when I was a child, and now a child as an adult. Many thanks. (as an add on, if they are still bad for you but are good for your children, should you still allow them to be in your life(ves)?) 26:53

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton explains why compassion can sometimes be triggering, how exposure therapy works, and whether or not she has ever lied to a client. Then she talks about internal emotional conflict, the stages of eating disorder recovery, and how we are impacted by our subconscious mind.

Ask Kati Anything ep. 251 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT

1. Why do I get an anxious adrenaline rush every time someone shows any sort of compassion or pity towards me? Whenever friends or even my therapist shows compassion or empathy or when she says things like “I’m so sorry- that must’ve been so hard”, I feel simultaneously really good and acknowledged and cared for, but also very anxious and uncomfortable. Growing up, I... 00:36

2. If the point of exposure therapy is to expose oneself to the anxiety inducing situations in order to prove to ourselves that it’s not that bad or as bad as we think, how is that supposed to work if the situation IS as bad or even worse than what we anticipate? Like if someone has social anxiety, and making a phone call or meeting a friend for coffee is super scary because you worry about saying or doing something embarrassing or not having anything to say or your mind going blank etc., what do you do if every time without a fail you somehow do manage to embarrass yourself and have so many awkward silences and not know what to say? 08:23

3. My question is have you ever lied to a client? Would you ever condone it if you were to lead other clinicians?? When is it hardest for you to be honest with clients? 12:52

4. I'm curious on how to deal with always feeling emotionally internally conflicted. Sometimes I feel great like nothing is wrong with me and then other times I just want to lay in bed and do nothing because everything feels pointless. What happens when this causes you to not fit certain diagnostic criteria? I often feel like I’m asked questions like “what has your general mood been?” or “do you have negative thoughts about yourself?” I have trouble answering because I feel so confused about the conflicting emotions I have. It’s like sometimes I’m confused by how I could even be having negative feelings/thoughts because of how contrary I feel at other times (but not consistently in any sort of pattern). 16:46

5. Hi Kati! First, I’d like to thank you for the wonderful and helpful work that you do. It’s all very much appreciated! After 15 very long years, I’ve finally been able to give up my eating disorder. I’m happy to say that I’ve been behavior free for just over a year. However, I still have body image issues and it certainly doesn’t help that I happen to be overweight (I realize weight loss isn’t the answer). I’m 58 years old and can’t seem to stop the anxiety associated with eating, body size and weight. I grew up in a larger body and experienced trauma associated due to that fact. I’d like to be able to say I’m fully recovered in the new year and never again be triggered by photos of myself. What can you suggest that might help me get the rest of the way? 22:10

6. Hey Kati! I hear a lot about “the subconscious mind,” but more from a spiritual context. Can you talk more about the subconscious mind and how it affects us? 26:32

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This week licensed therapist Kati Morton offers ways to increase our resilience and tolerance to life’s stressors, why it’s important to speak up in therapy, and why we can sometimes wish our therapist could read our mind. She then discusses the reasons we can struggle to talk about our issues in therapy without feeling full of shame about it.

Ask Kati Anything ep. 250 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT

Audience questions:

2. Is getting a therapy appointment about once a month (due to extremely limited availability at college clinics) worth it even if it doesn’t feel like it’s helping? What can you do when your insurance deductible is really high and you’re a college student working multiple jobs just to make rent, food, etc? Especially when parents won’t help pay. I’ve tried medication but nothing feels like it’s working. Hope this gets answered because I feel like there are lots of people in this situation. 06:15

3. You often say that if something your therapist says or does bothers you or triggers you, you should bring it up and talk about it with your therapist. But I often feel like if I say something to them and they stop doing/saying whatever it is, then I'm not really learning how to deal with similar situations in the real world. Realistically, I can't go around telling the world to not say or act a certain way so I feel reluctant to say anything when it happens in the therapy room. But then I spiral out and get frustrated with myself for even being bothered by something that I clearly understand was not done intentionally. I also don't want to make my therapist feel... 10:56

4. I’m not sure if I’m the only one who does this, but I’ve noticed that in therapy I often expect my therapist to be able to read my mind. But I know this is impossible and unfair to her. For example, I told her the other day that I had written down some thoughts I had after the previous session and I told her I wasn’t sure if I should read them to her or not. Her response was “It’s up to you.” By her saying it was up to me, I know she was just respecting whichever decision I made and she didn’t want to force me to read it if I didn’t want to. But for some reason I just assumed she could read my mind so when she replied in a respectfully neutral way, I felt a bit let down and I thought to myself “okay but do you REALLY want to know my thoughts?” In that moment I really wanted HER to WANT me to read them to her. Like I suppose in a validation type of way I wanted to feel as if she really WANTED to know my thoughts and inner experience.. to feel like she really cares and is invested in me and my experience. Obviously I know it’s unfair to expect her to have read my mind though...I do this quite often. And I end up feeling frustrated and disappointed and let down. Why do I do this? 24:28

5. How can I learn to manage the shame I feel talking about my 'issues' in therapy? I have CPTSD and I intellectually know shame is a large part of that, but that doesn't stop me feeling overwhelmed by shame having discussed things with my therapist. I go for days thinking that she must be disgusted by me and cannot possibly want me as a client ... and I feel too ashamed to talk about this shame! 31:56

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This week licensed therapist Kati Morton offers her thoughts on using AI chat agents in between therapy sessions, why trauma can be hard to move past, and what it really means to be willing versus just trying. She also talks about wanting friends while being a socially anxious introvert, and why our therapist telling us she cares about us can be triggering.

Ask Kati Anything ep. 249 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT

1. I’m currently seeing a therapist (cognitive behavioral therapy with a focus on trauma). Since the sessions can be emotionally intense, I’ve started to use ChatGPT between appointments to help process my thoughts and manage difficult emotions. I had previously tried journaling, but it felt more like a monologue and wasn’t as helpful. Using ChatGPT, however, has allowed me to engage in a dialogue, which has been more effective in organizing my thoughts and gaining clarity. When I shared this with my therapist, she expressed concern. She mentioned that using AI in this way might be similar to seeking support from another therapist, which could interfere with the therapeutic process. She also cautioned against the risk of isolation. My question for you: From a psychological perspective, what do you think about using AI as a supplemental tool between therapy sessions? Could it hinder the healing process? If so, what alternatives would you recommend to help navigate emotionally challenging periods between sessions? 00:36

2. I’ve noticed a lot of talk about repressed trauma on the podcast. I, however, remember everything. I’m currently working through some of this with an EMDR therapist. I’m having some difficulty letting go of these incidents, mainly because I feel like this invalidates them. Also, I feel the need to keep them in my back pocket- so to speak- so as to justify my hurt whenever I need to. My question is- what does it look like to work through trauma, while still recognizing that it was awful? As a separate note- why am I having an extreme physical reaction (shaking, almost convulsing) in the midst of EMDR therapy? 04:51

3. What does it really mean to be willing vs just trying? My therapist says I need to stop trying and start being willing, but I don’t understand the difference. In my mind, wanting to get better, going to therapy, and putting in effort is being willing. It sometimes feels like he’s suggesting I’m not trying hard enough, which is frustrating. For context, I have CPTSD from significant childhood emotional neglect and abuse, which has continued into adulthood. Thanksgiving was especially traumatic, and I’m working hard to... 10:43

4. I’m a very socially anxious introvert, which causes me to avoid a lot of social situations and interactions. Sometimes I feel lonely and “friendless” but I am very close to my mom and my sister which feels like enough human connection to me. But is that really enough? 6:49

5. How do I stop being mad at my therapist for telling me she cares about me? Every time she tells me she has been worried or that she cares about me I get this voice in my head screaming at me that it's fake and that this relationship is not a real one. I feel like she says this stuff only because it's... 21:50

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This week licensed therapist, Kati Morton discusses how to know if we are doing therapy “right” and why it can feel so unstructured at times. She then dives into why we can want certain people to worry about us, how isolation can help us and also hurt us, and the effects of having a narcissistic mother and being the eldest daughter.

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This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about why we can sometimes think we are in love with our therapist, ways we can get unstuck in life, and what to do with our passive suicidal thoughts. She also talks about feeling safe after surviving a trauma, and how to deal with transference and attachment in therapy.

Ask Kati Anything ep. 247 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT

2. Could you please talk about how one can get unstuck in life? I feel like I am reliving the same day over and over again, and not growing/evolving anymore. I’m so used to just watching life on the sidelines, like a movie, as opposed to actively participating in it. For reference, I do suffer from depression and I’m on medication for it. Thank you so much for everything that you do! 00:09:28

3. Hi, could you talk a bit more about passive suicidal thoughts. I almost got run over by a truck when crossing the street (he stopped in time at the end). I basically didn’t care, no shock, nothing. I just thought „ first of all, embarrassing, second of all this death would have been very welcome, sadly he stopped in time“. I went about my day as usual thinking about how chill I reacted not even caring if I would have died or not. I do have a past when it comes to suicidal thoughts and depression. 00:16:06

4. What does it mean to 'feel safe'? I have CPTSD and am hypervigilant. I get relaxation induced anxiety. I have tried following steps for reducing this but they often ask you to 'visualise somewhere you feel safe' or 'someone you feel safe with'. What does 'feel safe' mean? Is it a feeling in the body, or is it just the absence of overt fear? Or is it just an expression for some concept, like saying something is an 'act of god'? I expect my issue has the same root cause as my inability to feel happy / positive emotions. 00:20:29

5. What happens if transference and extreme attachment is not worked through in therapy and then therapy ends? This has happened for me and I am so overwhelmed by my emotions 24/7. I know how to work on attachment stuff by myself now from your videos but I just don’t know how to get closure if that makes sense. I miss her so much and it takes everything in me not to text her. Therapy ended a few months ago and I still miss her like crazy and I am so sad about it. Will that ever get better? Also can you feel “worse” in a way if you don’t work through issues (e.g transference) that came up in therapy? 00:24:44

6. In your opinion is this important to get a proper diagnosis? I was in therapy but I’ve never received a proper diagnosis. In my country only psychiatrists are allowed to diagnose you. I think I have quiet BPD among other mental illnesses and... 00:32:12

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This week we talk about sitting with our feelings and dealing with anxious thoughts, why self-harm is often talked about only in relation to teens, and why we can suddenly have suicidal thoughts. Then we get into whether or not we can do inner child work by ourselves, how to get ourselves to realize things aren’t as bad as they seem, and if therapy can be harmful.

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This week we are talking all about getting a diagnosis. Why we might want one, why we might not agree when we finally get one, and my thoughts on self-diagnosis. We will talk about assessments and what it means to get a proper diagnosis. Finally, we will dig into labels as a whole and whether or not they can be stigmatizing.

Ask Kati Anything ep. 245 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT

1. Why do I feel the need to diagnose myself or “pathologize” myself with a name for a mental illness/disorder? If I discover a diagnosis I could potentially have, I do sooo much research on it (almost to the point of it being obsessive because it’s all I can think about). I really want to have the diagnosis, but why? Why do I have to put a name to it? I feel like I need to be “sick” in order to be seen and for my experience to be valid. My mom (who is a therapist) doesn’t like that I do this because she says labels don’t help me move forward and it becomes my whole identity. And she says that... 00:37

2. What are the pros and cons of having a label or diagnosis for a mental illness? I know it can be validating but can it ever be detrimental? Like for example, even though I KNOW I struggle with social anxiety, I really want to be professionally diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. To me it feels like a way to prove my suffering to the world but I also am worried that I will... 10:51

3. I sincerely wanted to know Kati, do labels not cripple people further? Where it almost becomes an excuse for people to act in certain ways with little accountability. So instead it should be more of behavioral patterns we acknowledge with the intent of trying to assist people in a more CBT approach? I hope I’m making sense, thank you!! 18:30

4. Hi Kati, I've been wondering for a long time how to get diagnoses for a bunch of stuff since my family is quite opposed to the idea of me being autistic, or having ADHD, and other stuff they don't even know about like a dissociative disorder, OCD, and a possible eating disorder. Do I just have to wait until I become an adult if I can't get support in my home? Thanks for the podcast, it's so informative and, in my opinion, enjoyable! 22:28

5. Hey Kati! Is it possible to be DID/osdd without knowing, even if you don't remember any significant trauma? Thanks! 26:57

6. Hi Kati, I’m someone who has had undiagnosed ASD until this year. I’m having trouble accepting this new identity. How can people learn to accept this? What do people do with it? 31:17

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This week licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about dealing with loneliness and how to cope with feeling isolated and alone. She also explains the reasons behind us being immature, how to let ourselves be genuinely happy, and how to know whether therapy is working or not.

Ask Kati Anything ep.244 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT

1. I’m struggling with feeling incredibly lonely and like I don’t matter, even though I logically know there are people who love me. It’s hard to shake the feeling that others might be happier without me around. Most of the time, I’m alone outside of work, and I often see others spending time together, which only deepens that feeling. I try to reach out ahead of time and let friends know I’d love to join if they make plans, but when the time comes, I don’t get invited—and then I find out they still got together without me. This has been a pattern for as long as I can remember, and it’s hard not to believe that it’s because there’s something wrong with me or that I’m unlovable. How can I break out of this rut and start to believe I’m worth connecting with? While I’m safe and won’t act on it, it’s sometimes really hard to keep battling the thoughts of whether I still want to be here. For context, I was significantly bullied as a kid, have CPTSD, am in therapy (both EMDR and talk), and have a history of emotional neglect and abuse from most of my family. Thank you for reading and for any advice you can offer. 00:54

2. How do I deal with being alone? My boyfriend of 6 years is moving away for a few months for his university placements before I join him later in the year for our permanent move. I’m terrified of being left at home by myself. I know I can talk to him every day but it just won’t feel the same. I’m very affectionate and love physical closeness so being physically distant feels heartbreaking. How can I cope if traveling to see him isn’t an option due to the need to save money for the move in the future? 07:23

3. My therapist recently told me I was emotionally immature (it's true, but it still hurt to hear it). Even though I have a lot of other issues (I'm a highly sensitive person, I have low self esteem), I want to work on improving myself. Do you have any tips or tools to improve my emotional maturity? Thanks for your amazing podcast, you've had such a positive impact on my life. 13:05

4. Why won't I allow myself to be genuinely happy? I have been diagnosed with MDD and GAD. I go through depressive episodes that last a few days to about a week and they happen every few months. It used to last much longer and come more frequently but meds, therapy, and PHP have brought it down to where it is now. However when I am not in an episode, I still feel like I am existing and not living - it's like my mind won't let me be happy. It is a point I feel stuck with in therapy. 21:56

5. I have been in therapy for a couple years and I still can’t figure out if it’s working or not. Some of my symptoms have faded, I feel more functional, and my physical symptoms have minimized. However, I feel more suicidal then I ever have, I struggle with self harm, I always feel horrible about myself, and the only thing I look forward to is therapy. It’s like my whole life just relies on therapy and my therapist. 25:48

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