People who were traumatized in the past can be easy targets for people seeking CONTROL. Has this happened to you? If your sense of self is not yet strong, it's easy to fall under the spell of someone who will TELL you who you are. They’ll what you should do and if you push back, they will punish you. This is narcissistic abuse. It’s emotional manipulation. And it's how people can be "brainwashed" to believe anything. In this video, I reply to a letter from a woman with a controlling boyfriend, who is desperate for advice. But can she hear it?

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When someone is wounded by trauma in childhood, it can SEEM to them that other people should be able to make them feel better. They may believe that if only you cared enough, or validated their feelings enough, their loneliness and hurt would go away. This is a lot of pressure, and a projection that you can't actually fix for them. It's hard to be compassionate with someone who is hurting, and yet say NO to their demands that you keep listening, keep giving, and keep taking responsibility for their healing. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who is fed up with a sibling's venting and emotional hounding. Hear my advice for how to set boundaries with a sibling with CPTSD. Difficult People in Your Life?

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Complex PTSD (CPTSD) is a cluster of symptoms that can result from chronic, intense, ongoing trauma, usually during childhood. The symptoms include poor mental focus and procrastination, emotional dysregulation, chronic health problems and a haunting sense of disconnection from other people. It can be a huge relief to discover these symptoms have a name. And once you know the signs, you can get to work on healing. In this video, I teach 12 signs that early trauma may be affecting you now. Share in the comments which ones you've noticed in yourself.

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Most people won't tolerate mistreatment from friends. But if you grew up with abusive or neglectful parents, you may have been conditioned to hang on for life to toxic friends, no matter what. In this four-video compilation of some of my most popular videos, I respond to letters from people whose connection wounds are keeping them trapped in toxic friendships. Instead of leaving, they are giving in to the trauma-driven tendency to blame themselves for their friend's bad behavior. Hear my advice about when to leave, and how to heal afterward.

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If you were betrayed in childhood by the adults you trusted, your self-esteem and boundaries can be so wounded, that you become “betrayal blind.” You can SEE you’re getting SO much LESS than you need and deserve in a relationship, but because you can’t face ending things, you UNSEE it. This is self-deception, and we are motivated to disbelieve what we see because the need for love is SO strong, and facing the truth, means the crumbs of love you’re getting will be lost – and that feels impossible. So what can you do? in this video, I respond to a woman who is RIGHT on the verge of facing the truth about her boyfriend – but she’s tempted to believe she’s just being paranoid. Is she tripping? See what YOU think.

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When you were a child you needed the attention of parents – not just for food and shelter, but for your emotions. You need them to recognize and see when you were struggling, and help you navigate relationships, stand up for yourself, and set boundaries. That's what parenting IS. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who was raised by dismissive parents, who invalidated her needs and prioritized their own activities and preferences. Now she is with a dismissive partner, and worse, she has grown to be dismissive of HERSELF. Hear her letter and my response.

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Being around people, especially if you grew up with trauma, can feel stressful, trigger-y, and dysregulating. People can be mean, they judge you and they make you feel left out, like you don’t belong. For many of us, this started when we were in our own families when we were small. Did this happen to you? The coping mechanism you might have used was Self-Suppression -- playing small and trying to protect yourself by not being really YOU. Learn 40 ways YOU might be doing this. These behaviors are incredibly common and they will hold you back. Get something to write on, because in this video I'm going to tell you how to get free.

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There’s an almost universal symptom that people who grew up with trauma will tend to exhibit - and it’s a sense of disconnection. And even though you crave social connection, trauma often comes with "people triggers" that make interactions stressful and dysregulating for you. When you're feeling triggered by people, shutting them out feels like it's the right, best, most self-caring thing you can do. But when you do it long term it can bring unhappiness to every area of your life. In this 4-video compilation, I teach why people with early find socializing so disabling, and what you can do to feel more ease and comfort in social situations.

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There is a huge connection between abuse and neglect – especially emotional neglect in childhood – and a painful pattern in adulthood of pouring all the love in your heart into the IDEA of someone you can’t have. The word for this is limerence. And as much as this is a painful and lonely maladaptation of our very human need for love – there’s something tender and beautiful about this too. I used to think limerence was something shameful and crazy, until I received this extraordinary letter from a woman a few years ago called Sofia, which I wanted to share with you in this video that was much beloved by my viewers at the time. Tell me in the comments what YOU think.

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Not every obsessive relationship is a romance. Sometimes it’s a friendship that gets through the cracks of the neglect you grew up with in childhood, and it becomes HUGE In your mind. You think about them, you want them to approve of you, you want them to unconditionally love and support you in all circumstances, all the time – (which is a clue, by the way, this is an unmet need from your childhood that’s leaked out onto an unsuspecting friend. Things come to a head when reality hits, and either you’ll see how your attachment wounds have been running the show and course correct – or fall deeper into helplessness and obsession. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who is jeopardizing a friendship by expecting too much.

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