People who were abused and neglected as children sometimes struggle to stay emotionally regulated. Part of healing is to learn to self-regulate; this is a skill that, in substance recovery programs, is called "Emotional Sobriety." Is it the same with trauma? In this 4-video compilation, I share four videos where I teach how the wounds of early trauma can leave you prone to lashing out or getting stuck in anger. How can you tell when you're emotionally "intoxicated", and how can people with CPTSD practice "emotional sobriety? Learn strategies to manage and regulate strong emotions and still express yourself fully.

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In this video, I interview fellow YouTuber and Family Systems expert Jerry Wise. He has a deep background in counseling and marriage and family therapy. Now he's on YouTube teaching people how they can separate themselves from the "WiFi" of their families -- this is the pull, the ethos and the nervous system chatter of their family of origin. He teaches about the "family super self," and the "umbilical cord" that connects it to each member of a dysfunctional family. Learn from Jerry how you can separate and differentiate yourself, and become more fully yourself.

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Jerry Wise:

• Website: jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com

• YouTube: @jerrywise

• Instagram: @jerrytwise

• Facebook: facebook.com/JerryTWise

Just when you think things are going well for you, BAM! Someone criticizes you, you get rejected, or you don't get chosen for an opportunity that meant everything to you. A rush of anger, panic and shame rises up, and next thing you know, you feel like you CAN'T. DO. ANYTHING. You freeze, stuck in procrastination, struggling to stay focused or follow through on plans. This disabling reaction to emotional hurt is a known symptom of CPTSD and a common experience for those of us who grew up with abuse and neglect. And though you're not doing it on purpose, when you go into freeze mode, it can keep you stuck "playing small." In this video, I talk about the way cruel remarks and treatment can be so damaging to our productivity, and what we can do to both stand up for ourselves, and avoid falling into long periods of neurological dysregulation, procrastination and avoidance.

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People sometimes use the word “privilege” as an accusation that allows the accuser to feel better than the person they accuse, and even to shame and discredit them. Recently, Dr. Nicole Lepera (@TheHolisticPsychologist) posted an Instagram reel where she pointed out that the ultimate privilege is having a *support system,* and encouraged those of us who grew up neglected to stop comparing ourselves to those who were loved, guided, and helped through life. This is my fourth video in my PLAYING SMALL series, and in it, I talk about why Nicole's video made me cry, and why I now feel more strongly than ever that building a support system is a number one priority to STOP playing small, heal from the past, and build happy lives. 

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Recognizing your worth after neglect in childhood – where adults literally don’t care for you appropriately, can lead to a kind of emotional “leakiness” where -- even though you’ve created a good life and set goals as an adult, -- you feel disconnected from people when they are close to you. For people with CPTSD, that memory of NOT being cared for can creep into every situation – you feel it with people you date, with friends, you feel it at work or school, and if it’s not healed, it will cause you to get into and STAY in relationships where, in fact, you’re NOT cared for. In this 4-video compilation, I share four of my most popular videos about the effects of neglect in childhood on your adult relationships. Learn the signs that the wounds of neglect are affecting you now.

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If women want to be equal, they should always pay their own share of the bill on dates with men -- or so my mother told me. This is the third video in my "Stop Playing Small" series. In it, I explain what happened during the years I was always quick to throw down money on dates -- what my real reasons were, how that turned out, and THEN what happened when I decided to let the man pay. Dating may be harder than ever these days, but old traditions (many of which were used to control or suppress people) can also function as much-needed structure, and as a filter, for detecting if the person a the table with you might be your future mate.

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There are two competing ideas in our culture about how you should pursue happiness: One is that anything that happens to you, you have to MAKE it happen. And the opposing idea is that there’s something "unspiritual" about that level of certainty, and that what you REALLY should do is “go with the flow.” I’m here to tell you that if you’re doing either of those things, you just might be playing small, and I’ll tell you why we do that – as well as a better way to expand your life to a bigger, happier, more delightful experience than either of these approaches can bring you. This is the second video in my Playing Small Series.

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If you’ve been hurt by others SO many times that you can’t face conflicts, disappointments and sad moments, – that’s what I call playing small. And it stops you from being able to heal or change. Life involves friction. Facing it is how we grow. I played small for most of my life -- and maybe you have too. In this video -- part of a multi-part series -- I show you what I looked like when I played small (and what caused that), and what I look like now.

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A classic sign that a person grew up traumatized is that their life is full of hostile, cruel, and punishing people. If you were abused or neglected, you may freeze up when people are unkind, or lapse into "fawning," trying desperately to make the hostile person happy, as if that were your responsibility (or even possible) In this 4-video compilation, I share some of my most popular videos about mean people -- why they get into your life and what you can do change the rules and free yourself from mistreatment.

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The problem with romantic attachments, especially for those of us who were hurt and neglected as kids, is that our attachment wounds make us feel so.... attached! Ending a relationship can make it feel like you’re dying, even when you don’t like the person. Even when you don’t want to be with the person. Even when the person has been abusive to you – You’ll start having thoughts of going back to them. And many of us have gone back to these people, and wasted years of our lives, unhappy and stuck with someone we don’t want to be with just because our attachment wounds can’t bear the pain of leaving. In this video, I respond to a letter from a woman who can't bear the thought of leaving someone she doesn't want to be with.

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