Hey friend—welcome back to Now What, Y’all? I’m Heather, and today I want to talk about a phrase I absolutely despise. You’ve probably heard it a million times:

“You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

Every time I hear that, I just roll my eyes. Because here’s the truth: you can pour from an empty cup… it just means nothing is coming out. And let’s be real—we as women, as mothers, as entrepreneurs, we’ve all poured from an empty cup more times than we can count.

So the real question isn’t can you pour from an empty cup?—it’s why do we keep doing it? And what happens when we finally stop?

Here’s what I think: for those of us who are a certain age—good grief, I sound like my mother right now—we were raised to believe our worth is measured by what we do for everyone else.

Being “good” meant you didn’t cause trouble, you made life easier for everybody, you were helpful. And if you were really good? You kept your own needs tucked away in a little box and labeled them “selfish.”

We learned it from our moms, too. They worked all day, came home, cooked, cleaned, helped with homework, coordinated the schedules, and collapsed into bed. And then they got up and did it again. That was “love.” That was “service.”

But here’s the problem: service without boundaries isn’t love—it’s self-destruction.

Every time you think about doing something just for you—taking a weekend off, hiring an assistant, saying no to yet another volunteer gig—what’s the first thought that pops up?

“That’s selfish.”

But y’all, wanting freedom and ease isn’t selfish—it’s smart.

You know what’s actually selfish? Running yourself into the ground so badly that everyone else has to pick up the pieces. Burning out your business because you’re too tired to make clear decisions. Snapping at your kids because you haven’t had five minutes alone in three weeks.

That’s selfish. Taking care of yourself so you can show up as your best self? That’s strategy.

This year when I turned 55, I decided to experiment. I started a little practice I call “one thing for Heather.” Every single day, I do one thing just because I want to. No justification. No explanation. Not because it’s productive. Just because it feels good.

And here’s what I’ve learned:

* The world doesn’t end. That project I thought would implode? It got done without me micromanaging.

* People step up. When I stopped being the fixer of all problems, shockingly, other people figured things out.

* I make better decisions. When I’m not running on fumes, I can see what actually matters.

* I’m more present. The time I spend with my family now is quality time, not resentful “ugh I should be doing something else” time.

* My business runs smoother. Turns out when you’re not the bottleneck for everything, things flow.

Imagine that.

Now, let me be honest. When you start prioritizing yourself, not everyone’s going to clap for you. Some people will push back. They’ll be uncomfortable. They liked it better when you were available 24/7.

But here’s the thing: that’s not your problem to solve. The people who truly love you? They want you healthy, rested, and happy. The ones who get mad about your boundaries? They were just benefitting from the fact that you didn’t have any.

So if all this sounds amazing but also a little terrifying, here’s where to start:

* Do one small thing for yourself this week. Order takeout. Say no to the extra commitment. Take a nap.

* Notice the resistance. That little voice whispering “selfish”? That’s old programming talking.

* Check in after. Did the world fall apart? Or do you actually feel more capable of handling what matters?

* Build from there. Once you get comfortable with small acts of ease, go bigger. Take the weekend. Hire the help. Set the boundary.

Ease is a muscle. The more you flex it, the stronger it gets.

Here’s the surprising part: when you stop sacrificing yourself, you don’t become selfish—you become an example.

Your kids learn boundaries and still feel loved.Your team learns to solve problems without you.Your friends see that business doesn’t have to mean burnout.

You become living proof that success doesn’t require suffering.

So instead of repeating “you can’t pour from an empty cup,” here’s the new mantra I want you to try on:

“I’m keeping my cup full—haters be damned.”

Because your wellbeing matters. Not because it makes you more useful. Not because it makes you more productive. Just because you’re human.

So here’s my challenge for you this week: Catch yourself when you think, “that’s selfish.”

Ask: Is this really selfish? Or is it just an old pattern trying to keep me stuck?

I’m betting most of the time, it’s the pattern. And you, my friend, deserve more than a life lived on empty.

Alright, that’s it for today’s episode. I’d love to hear from you: what’s one thing you’ve been calling “selfish” that you’re ready to reclaim as strategic self-care? Send me a DM, leave a comment—let’s start rewriting this narrative together.

Thanks for hanging out with me today. Until next time—keep that cup full, and don’t apologize for it.

xx, Heather

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