Hey friends!I’ve got a confession to make. I have this terrible habit of saying to myself, “If I don’t do it, who will?”Ugh, even saying it out loud makes me cringe. I’ve spent decades trying to break this habit—and sometimes I do—but then that little green-headed control monster shows up again. And y’all, he looks a lot like a gremlin who got wet. Not cute.
Today, I want to talk about that trap of believing that if we step back, everything will fall apart—and why stepping back might actually be the best thing you can do.
I call this the Everything Will Fall Apart trap. It’s when you convince yourself that you are the duct tape holding your family, your business, your team, your world together.And sure, you get it all done—but you’re also exhausted, burned out, and secretly resentful.
Here’s the kicker: when you’re the duct tape, you’re not free. You’ve built yourself a prison where you’re both the warden and the prisoner.
Now, this isn’t just about being control freaks. There are real reasons this feels so true.
* First, we’ve been the reliable one for so long. Everyone comes to us because we remember the birthdays, manage the contractor drama, handle the client crisis.
* Second, we’ve seen what happens when we don’t step in. The teenager forgets the project, the client deliverable goes out with a mistake. We take that as proof: see, I have to be the one.
* Third, we mistake being needed for being valuable. If people don’t need us constantly, then what’s our worth?
* And finally, we’re afraid of being blamed. If something goes wrong and we didn’t prevent it, it’ll come back on us. So, better to just handle it ourselves.
Can you relate? I know I can.
But here’s the cost of this mindset:
* We end up building businesses that can’t run without us. Every decision, every process requires our input.
* We raise people—kids, team members, even partners—who can’t function without us.
* And we stay exhausted all the time. There’s always another fire to put out.
Worst of all? We never get to see what’s possible because we’re too busy controlling the outcome.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: if you step back, some things will fall apart.Your kid might fail a test. Your team member might make a mistake. Your partner might do things differently than you would.
And you know what? The world will keep spinning.Sometimes that failed test is exactly what your kid needs to learn responsibility. That mistake at work might lead to a better process. And your partner’s way? It might actually be better than yours. (Shhh, don’t tell the control monster I said that.)
In my own experiments, here’s what I’ve found:
* People rise to the occasion more often than they fall.
* The disasters I imagined rarely happen—most of the catastrophe is in my head.
* Better solutions often appear when I’m not micromanaging.
* And I finally see what really needs my attention, not just what needs doing.
So how do you practice stepping back without total chaos?
* Start small. Pick a low-stakes area and deliberately let go.
* Share the outcome you want, not the exact method.
* Expect mistakes—they’re part of the learning curve.
* Resist the urge to swoop in and fix everything. Ask questions instead.
* And celebrate wins, even if they don’t look like your version of success.
So here’s your challenge this week: pick one area where you usually think “If I don’t do it, who will?”—and don’t do it. Watch what happens. Not to prove yourself right, but to discover what’s possible when you step back.
You have permission to not be the solution to every problem. You have permission to let other people struggle so they can grow. And you have permission to be valued for who you are, not just what you do.
Alright friends, I’d love to hear from you: what’s one area where you’re willing to step back this week? Send me a message or drop a comment—I want to cheer you on.
Until next time—xx, Heather.
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