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Why Insight Isn't Enough to Change Your Behavior
You understand why you avoid. You see the pattern. And you're still doing it.
In this episode, Kim Polinder explores the frustrating gap between self-awareness and actual change — and why insight alone rarely leads to different behavior.
Rather than framing change as a decision or a motivation problem, this conversation breaks down procrastination as a capacity issue. Kim walks through four common "false fixes" people rely on when they're trying to change — strategies that look responsible on the surface but quietly reinforce avoidance.
Using real-life relational examples, nervous system science, and practical reframes, this episode explains why waiting to feel calm, trying to be perfect, forcing yourself through hard moments, or endlessly consuming self-help content often backfires.
The focus is not on fixing yourself, but on building emotional capacity: the ability to stay present with discomfort, repair when things go sideways, and stop turning one hard moment into a verdict about who you are.
Timestamps & Topics
[00:00:00] – The Conundrum: Why self-awareness doesn't change behavior.
[00:01:39] – Defining Capacity: Why change requires extreme discomfort.
[00:02:48] – False Fix #1: Waiting to feel calm or "ready" before acting.
[00:03:59] – False Fix #2: The perfectionism trap and the cost of "doing it right".
[00:06:50] – False Fix #3: Forcing exposure without a support system.
[00:08:45] – Pausing to Avoid vs. Pausing to Build Capacity.
[00:14:09] – False Fix #4: Searching for the "Golden Key" of insight.
[00:16:40] – Short-term relief vs. Long-term training of the nervous system.
[00:19:35] – Why willpower fails under emotional threat.
[00:22:00] – Compassionate Curiosity: How to stop abandoning yourself.
[00:24:37] – Why we lose access to our skills when triggered.
[00:27:13] – The Lab Partner: The necessity of community and repair.
[00:29:14] – Invitation to the Virtual Cohort: Building capacity in real-time.
Kim's website: https://www.kimpolinder.com/
Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/
Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@engineeringlovepodcast
View all episodes
By Kim Polinder
4.9
4949 ratings
You understand why you avoid. You see the pattern. And you're still doing it.
In this episode, Kim Polinder explores the frustrating gap between self-awareness and actual change — and why insight alone rarely leads to different behavior.
Rather than framing change as a decision or a motivation problem, this conversation breaks down procrastination as a capacity issue. Kim walks through four common "false fixes" people rely on when they're trying to change — strategies that look responsible on the surface but quietly reinforce avoidance.
Using real-life relational examples, nervous system science, and practical reframes, this episode explains why waiting to feel calm, trying to be perfect, forcing yourself through hard moments, or endlessly consuming self-help content often backfires.
The focus is not on fixing yourself, but on building emotional capacity: the ability to stay present with discomfort, repair when things go sideways, and stop turning one hard moment into a verdict about who you are.
Timestamps & Topics
[00:00:00] – The Conundrum: Why self-awareness doesn't change behavior.
[00:01:39] – Defining Capacity: Why change requires extreme discomfort.
[00:02:48] – False Fix #1: Waiting to feel calm or "ready" before acting.
[00:03:59] – False Fix #2: The perfectionism trap and the cost of "doing it right".
[00:06:50] – False Fix #3: Forcing exposure without a support system.
[00:08:45] – Pausing to Avoid vs. Pausing to Build Capacity.
[00:14:09] – False Fix #4: Searching for the "Golden Key" of insight.
[00:16:40] – Short-term relief vs. Long-term training of the nervous system.
[00:19:35] – Why willpower fails under emotional threat.
[00:22:00] – Compassionate Curiosity: How to stop abandoning yourself.
[00:24:37] – Why we lose access to our skills when triggered.
[00:27:13] – The Lab Partner: The necessity of community and repair.
[00:29:14] – Invitation to the Virtual Cohort: Building capacity in real-time.
Kim's website: https://www.kimpolinder.com/
Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/
Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@engineeringlovepodcast