Dr. Gottman said, "Like the second law of thermodynamics, which says that in a closed energy system, things tend to run down and get less orderly. The same seems to be true of closed relationships like marriages. My guess is that if you do nothing to make things better in your marriage, but not do anything wrong, the marriage will still tend to get worse over time." Essentially what he's saying here is if you want to overcome this natural drift that will pull you apart over time, you have to do more than just not screw things up...

Why Most Relationships Get Worse Over Time

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Scrupulosity, or religious perfectionism/OCD, can be debilitating for both individuals and couples. The belief that unless you do everything right, keep all the rules, are perfectly obedient, and live according to God's will... something terrible will happen. This episode with perfectionism expert, Dr. Menije explores how our anxiety leaks out into our spiritual life.  She provides some great examples of what scrupulosity can look like, and what we can do about it.

The Curse of Religious Perfectionism

In order to master your anxiety, you must become differentiated. Differentiation is the ability to separate your thoughts from your feelings, and to separate your own thoughts and feelings from the thoughts and feelings of others. This is a practice you will be working on for the rest of your life. Today's episode will introduce you to the first part of differentiation, and give you some first steps to start calming yourself down.

What Is Differentiation? | Anxiety Series #2

Friendship is the foundation of your marriage. If you can't be a good friend to people outside your marriage, it's unlikely you'll be a good friend to your partner. Also, friendships outside your marriage are CRUCIAL for the survival of your relationship. Your community is your bedrock. In today's episode, I talk to the author of the new book, "," Adam Smiley Powsolwky. We talk about why friendship is important, and give a bunch of ideas of how to cultivate more meaningful friendships.

Friendship In The Age of Loneliness with Adam "Smiley" Poswolsky

Anxiety is basically negative emotions that your brain manufactures to help keep you safe from potential threats... kind of like a smoke alarm. But just like a smoke alarm, there's no special mechanism to help it detect the severity of the threat. Bacon burning on the stove gets the same treatment as a house fire. This is a problem because at some point in your marriage, your partner is going to hurt you, disappoint you, or let you down. That means your brain will detect them as a threat, which will drive a wedge between you. In order to keep the connection alive, we need to learn to effectively manage our internal anxiety alarm. In today's episode, the first episode of the Anxiety Series, I'm going to talk a bit more about what anxiety is, and what we're supposed to do about it.

Your Internal Smoke Alarm | Anxiety Series #1

Some people have relationships that just look so easy, so smooth, and so natural. How do they do it? Are they just lucky? Or are they doing something that everyone else is missing? In this episode, I sit down with John and Ana Mann, authors of the book "The Go-Giver Marriage." This interview (and their book) uncomplicates love and marriage in a really beautiful way. I hope you give it a listen, and check out their new book at: HTTP://gogivermarriage.com

Why Most Relationships Get Worse Over Time

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