Drop the Mask - For Nice Guys and People Pleaser

Why Relationships Require Risk (Especially for Nice Guys) - Nice Guy Pattern #4

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I recently had two conversations with friends — and both revealed a painful pattern I know many Nice Guys carry:

the fear of hurting others.

It feels noble, right? To protect someone from pain, to hold yourself back until you’re “healed enough.” But if you are really honest with yourself, most of the time, it’s not about protecting them. It’s about protecting you. From discomfort. From rejection. From being seen as the bad guy.

And in doing so, you not only deny them the chance to choose for themselves — you also deny yourself the life and love you want.

In this episode, we break down:

  • Why avoiding pain is not noble, but fear in disguise
  • How “protecting her” is really about avoiding your own emotions
  • Why trust means letting others handle their own pain
  • How courage in love means risking heartbreak
    • 🌱 This Week’s Quest

    Notice one moment where you feel the urge to protect someone from hurt by making a choice for them. Pause. Instead of stepping in, practice sharing honestly what you feel — and then let them respond.

    🖊 Reflective Questions
    1. Am I protecting them from pain or protecting myself from feeling like the bad guy?
    2. Where in my childhood did I learn it was my role to manage other people’s emotions?
    3. How does it feel in my body when I imagine letting someone make their own choice, even if it leads to hurt?
    4. What would it mean to trust others are strong enough to handle their emotions?

      5. 📲 CONNECT WITH ME

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      👋🏻 REFLECT WITH ME

      Send me a DM on Insta or comment here if something sparked in you!

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      Drop the Mask - For Nice Guys and People PleaserBy Frederik Herre