"Why didn't you just leave?" It's the question everyone asks about domestic violence - until they hear Kate Mageau's story and realize how trauma bonds, gaslighting, and the cycle of violence make leaving the most dangerous moment of all.

Kate is a licensed therapist (LMHC, ADHD-CCSP), author, and toxic relationship survivor. In this conversation, we explore her memoir Rose Colored Glasses and unpack the psychology behind why smart, strong people stay in abusive relationships. We discuss the warning signs she missed or excused, the wedding night slap she pushed out of memory, how abusers create crises then "heal" them to strengthen trauma bonds, the isolation and gaslighting that erodes reality, why leaving is statistically the most dangerous time for murder, and what finally gave her the clarity to escape.

Kate shares practical guidance for people currently in toxic relationships: calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE / thehotline.org), creating safety plans, preparing go-bags disguised as natural disaster kits, getting cash without detection, and why you should never go back unprepared. For friends and family: how to support someone without saying "just leave," recognizing the signs, and understanding that their life is more important than your relationship with them.

We also myth-bust the "I would just leave" narrative, explore the concept of moving goalposts and self-blame, discuss Kate's mindfulness practices as a therapist (hint: it's not full lotus meditation), and close with the Survivor's Bill of Rights that's read at the end of every support group.

Kate Mageau, LMHC, ADHD-CCSP, is a therapist, author, and toxic relationship survivor. Rose Colored Glasses teaches about toxic relationships through story, with psychological explanations after every chapter. The Healing from Toxic Relationships workbook teaches the mechanisms of abuse in more detail, and provides thoughtful journal prompts and coping tools. Kate Mageau is available for coaching worldwide, for ADHD, writing memoirs and self-publishing, starting businesses, and career coaching. https://www.katemageau.com/

Content warning: This episode contains discussions of intimate partner violence and abuse.

If you or someone you know needs help: National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233) or thehotline.org

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