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Why some people apologize for existing
Format: Post-call
Runtime: ~8 minutes
Source: Trauma psychology , fawn response, people-pleasing, Pete Walker's four F's (fight/flight/freeze/fawn)
It's getting late and I want to get this down before the details soften.
She called for a tune-up. Routine spring call. When I pulled up the house was well-kept, quiet neighborhood, small yard. She opened the door before I knocked.
The first thing she said , before hello, before come in, before anything , was: I'm so sorry. The house is a little messy.
I looked past her. The house was not messy. There was a magazine on the coffee table and a water glass on a coaster. That was it.
I told her the house looked fine. She said: no, I just , I've had a busy week. I should have cleaned before you came.
I didn't know what to do with that so I said let's take a look at the system.
She apologized four more times in the next twenty minutes.
She apologized for the utility room being tight. It wasn't , it was a normal utility closet. She apologized for asking me to explain something I'd said about the coil. She apologized for the fact that the previous tech had left a note on file that she was still trying to understand, as if the existence of a note she hadn't written was somehow her fault. She apologized before she asked the price, like asking the price was an imposition.
And at the end, when I told her the tune-up was complete and everything checked out fine, she said: thank you so much. I'm sorry if I asked too many questions.
She hadn't asked many questions. She'd asked two.
I've known people like this my whole life. The ones who move through service interactions, and probably all interactions, with a baseline assumption that they are a burden. That their presence, their needs, their questions are impositions on whoever is on the other side of them. The apologies aren't performative. They're not fishing for reassurance. They're pre-emptive. They're trying to get ahead of the moment when whoever they're dealing with will finally confirm what they already suspect about themselves.
Give Us A Shout
Thanks for tuning in to Hartzell's Heat & Air, your trusted HVAC experts in Oklahoma and beyond. From Kingfisher to coast-to-coast consulting, we design, install, and maintain smart, efficient systems that deliver year-round comfort.
We're employee-owned, family-run, and powered by 45+ years of experience. Whether it's AI-powered thermostats, geothermal systems, or classic tune-ups, we deliver upfront pricing, expert care, and warranties that back it all up.
🛠️ Book Online:
https://book.housecallpro.com/book/Hartzells-Heat--Air/4a569038b3dc460daf2d5f6497b18351?v2=true
🌐 www.hartzellsheatair.com
📞 (405) 375-4822
🚛 Trane Comfort Specialist • Mitsubishi Diamond Dealer • ClimateMaster Elite
🛡️ VIP Comfort Club • Remote Monitoring • Extended Warranties
📲 Follow us for tips, updates, and real-world installs:
YouTube: @hartzellsheatair6003
X: https://x.com/HartzellsHVAC
Facebook: facebook.com/hartzellsheatair
LinkedIn: Dave Hartzell
Built on trust. Backed by warranty. Designed for comfort.
View all episodes
By Dave Hartzell's Heat & Air - Kingfisher,OKFormat: Post-call
Runtime: ~8 minutes
Source: Trauma psychology , fawn response, people-pleasing, Pete Walker's four F's (fight/flight/freeze/fawn)
It's getting late and I want to get this down before the details soften.
She called for a tune-up. Routine spring call. When I pulled up the house was well-kept, quiet neighborhood, small yard. She opened the door before I knocked.
The first thing she said , before hello, before come in, before anything , was: I'm so sorry. The house is a little messy.
I looked past her. The house was not messy. There was a magazine on the coffee table and a water glass on a coaster. That was it.
I told her the house looked fine. She said: no, I just , I've had a busy week. I should have cleaned before you came.
I didn't know what to do with that so I said let's take a look at the system.
She apologized four more times in the next twenty minutes.
She apologized for the utility room being tight. It wasn't , it was a normal utility closet. She apologized for asking me to explain something I'd said about the coil. She apologized for the fact that the previous tech had left a note on file that she was still trying to understand, as if the existence of a note she hadn't written was somehow her fault. She apologized before she asked the price, like asking the price was an imposition.
And at the end, when I told her the tune-up was complete and everything checked out fine, she said: thank you so much. I'm sorry if I asked too many questions.
She hadn't asked many questions. She'd asked two.
I've known people like this my whole life. The ones who move through service interactions, and probably all interactions, with a baseline assumption that they are a burden. That their presence, their needs, their questions are impositions on whoever is on the other side of them. The apologies aren't performative. They're not fishing for reassurance. They're pre-emptive. They're trying to get ahead of the moment when whoever they're dealing with will finally confirm what they already suspect about themselves.
Give Us A Shout
Thanks for tuning in to Hartzell's Heat & Air, your trusted HVAC experts in Oklahoma and beyond. From Kingfisher to coast-to-coast consulting, we design, install, and maintain smart, efficient systems that deliver year-round comfort.
We're employee-owned, family-run, and powered by 45+ years of experience. Whether it's AI-powered thermostats, geothermal systems, or classic tune-ups, we deliver upfront pricing, expert care, and warranties that back it all up.
🛠️ Book Online:
https://book.housecallpro.com/book/Hartzells-Heat--Air/4a569038b3dc460daf2d5f6497b18351?v2=true
🌐 www.hartzellsheatair.com
📞 (405) 375-4822
🚛 Trane Comfort Specialist • Mitsubishi Diamond Dealer • ClimateMaster Elite
🛡️ VIP Comfort Club • Remote Monitoring • Extended Warranties
📲 Follow us for tips, updates, and real-world installs:
YouTube: @hartzellsheatair6003
X: https://x.com/HartzellsHVAC
Facebook: facebook.com/hartzellsheatair
LinkedIn: Dave Hartzell
Built on trust. Backed by warranty. Designed for comfort.