Have you heard this line? Love means never having to say I’m sorry. What a bunch of baloney. If you are in a loving relationship and you don’t say I’m sorry on a regular basis, you probably are on your way to having nothing meaningful in your relationship. When you can’t see much less own your mistakes, you will alienate everyone around you. 

But, is sorry enough? Absolutely not. If all you say is sorry over and over again, never changing your behavior, it becomes an empty phrase that no one takes seriously. I’m sorry is just the beginning. 

When I studied relationships at the Gottman Institute, I learned a term I’d never heard before. It was called the repair attempt. 

Repair Attempt

A repair is when something has gone wrong and there is an intentional attempt to repair or fix the situation. Like a bridge over water, without maintenance and repairs, the elements can deteriorate the strength of the bridge until it is no longer passable. The elements that can deteriorate your marriage are unhealthy patterns of behavior that while being second nature, what you’ve always done, can over time tear away at the relationship. 

Humility

In order to attempt a repair, there must be humility. Humility allows you to own your part in the problem because we usually have a role to play. Now, we make excuses and say, “Well, if he or she hadn’t done that then I wouldn’t have acted that way. That’s not humility and owning your actions. That justification. There is no justification for bad behavior. It might feel good at the moment, but it will tear away at your marriage. 

So, humility helps you own your own part. Another thing that humility will help you do is to consider your and your husband's actions or reactions from a place of openness. When we are humble enough to consider the feelings of others, to see their point of view, to respect their humanity, we can be open to change. Someone who rests on their false pride can’t see or acknowledge the truth of the situation. You’ve probably heard the phrase pride goes before the fall. Pride will keep you from making a repair attempt every single time. 

You will find complete show notes at http://reviveyourmidlifemarriage.com/41