If you've ever done every dish, packed every lunch, and then found yourself furious at a partner sitting on the couch, this one will feel familiar. So will the moment right after, when the fight gets uncomfortable and someone rushes to smooth it all over before anything actually gets resolved.

What this episode covers:

- The drama triangle: the victim, rescuer, and perpetrator positions couples cycle through, often within a single conversation

- A real scenario, walked through step by step, of how a couple moves from overfunctioning and resentment into blame, hurt, and a rushed peace that settles nothing

- Why the rescuer position and the victim position can look kind or selfless on the surface while carrying their own quiet aggression

- How this same triangle shows up in the bedroom through duty sex and hypervigilant self-monitoring during sex

- What it actually takes to step out of each corner, including why getting out of the victim position isn't the same as just accepting bad treatment

This is a dynamic Jackie and Catherine work through with clients and coaching clients regularly, and if any of these roles sound like your own, they offer a free 15-minute consultation to talk about what shifting out of them could look like for your relationship.

Free consultation: https://www.differentiatedlove.com/contact

Substack: https://differentiatedlove.substack.com?utm_source=navbar&utm_medium=web

Podcast: https://pod.link/1884143784?view=apps&sort=popularity

Chapters:

00:00 Intro

00:34 What the drama triangle is

02:40 The Sarah and Mark example: overfunctioning turns into blame

08:52 How rescuing smooths things over without solving anything

12:56 Why all three positions come from low differentiation

16:40 Why the victim and rescuer positions can look nice on the outside

22:09 How this plays out in sex through duty sex

25:56 Self-monitoring and hypervigilance during sex

28:01 How to get out of each position

41:27 Closing thoughts

To learn more about Jackie and Catherine's therapy and coaching services, and the work they do with individuals and couples, be sure to check out their website.

Podcast Website

https://www.differentiatedlove.com/

Jackie's Website

https://www.candgtherapy.com/

Catherine's Website

https://www.catherineroebuck.com/

Music: Echoes by Roa https://soundcloud.com/roa_music1031

License: Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0

Free Download / Stream: https://audiolibrary.com.co/roa-music/echoes

Music promoted by Audio Library: https://youtu.be/HCXJxHIkH8w