Are you out for revenge against yourself?

You know the feeling.

You should be sleeping.You want to be sleeping.

Instead, you’re watching one more episode. You’re scrolling for one more meme to make you laugh, telling yourself, just five more minutes. Then suddenly—it’s 2 a.m., and you have to be up in a few hours.

In this post, we’re tackling something so many of us do: Revenge Bedtime Procrastination—the habit of staying up late on purpose, even when you’re completely exhausted.

But what if I told you it’s not just a bad habit?It’s actually a nervous system issue.

I’ll explain why in this post. And if you want to dive even deeper afterward, check out my latest episode of Mental Health Bites (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube). For now, let’s explore: why your brain and body resist sleep, how stress hijacks your sleep cycle, and what you can do to retrain your nervous system so you can finally get the rest you need.

The Science and Hidden Mechanisms of Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

Revenge bedtime procrastination is a term that originally came from China, where it was known as bàofùxìng áoyè, or "retaliatory staying up late."

It caught on because people—especially those in high-stress jobs or demanding routines—felt like they had no control over their day. So they “took revenge” at night by staying up late, even when they knew it wasn’t good for them.

Now, most of us blame ourselves when we procrastinate on sleep, thinking, I just need better habits or I should have more willpower. But here’s the truth: This isn’t just about a lack of discipline. It’s about your nervous system being stuck in a dysregulated state.

When we live under constant stress—whether from work, family, or the chaos of modern life—our nervous system doesn’t get a chance to power down. Instead of transitioning smoothly from alertness to rest, we get stuck in “hyperarousal,” a state of high alert that makes it really hard to sleep.

Here are three major ways your brain and body contribute to this:

1. Cortisol and Adrenaline Overload

When you’re under stress all day, your body releases cortisol and adrenaline—your primary stress hormones. Normally, these should drop in the evening to help you relax. But if you don’t have proper downtime, these chemicals stay elevated, leaving you wired at bedtime—even when you’re beyond tired.

2. The Prefrontal Cortex Shutdown

Your prefrontal cortex—the logical, decision-making part of your brain—gets overridden by your limbic system, which governs emotion. So instead of making rational choices like “go to bed,” your brain says, “Hey, let’s watch one more episode.”

3. The ‘Threat Mode’ Factor

Work stress, emotional fatigue, or even a subconscious feeling of having no control over your time can keep your nervous system in a state of perceived threat. Bedtime then feels like “losing control” instead of a time for rest—so your brain resists it as if it’s something to fear.

You might be wondering: Okay, but is staying up late really that bad for me?

The answer is a big YES.

Studies have linked chronic sleep deprivation to higher risks of anxiety and depression. People who sleep less than six hours a night are more likely to develop heart disease. And bedtime procrastinators show poorer emotional regulation and greater impulsivity than those with consistent sleep routines.

How to Defeat Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

If this sounds like you, here’s my 90-minute wind-down blueprint.

90 minutes before bed

* Dim the lights – Signal your brain that it’s time to wind down with warm lighting or candles.

* Cut off screens – Blue light from phones and devices tells your brain it’s still daytime.

* Do a nervous system reset – Try a 5-minute vagus nerve exercise like deep belly breathing or humming.

60 minutes before bed:

* Create a mini “you time” ritual – Instead of scrolling, do something soothing and enjoyable: journaling, stretching, listening to music.

30 minutes before bed:

* Use a sensory trigger – Sip herbal tea, take a warm shower, or put on cozy socks to tell your body it’s safe to rest.

At bedtime

* Try a body scan meditation – Don’t fight sleep; guide your body into it with progressive muscle relaxation.

Give this routine a go and see how you feel. These small changes can train your brain to crave rest—instead of resisting it. And the more consistently you practice, the easier it becomes.

Here’s to a restful future!

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I’m so excited to share that the New Rules of Attachment Paperback was just released on February 11!

* I’m so excited to share that the New Rules of Attachment Paperback was just released on February 11!

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About me:

Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.

Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.

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