Attention is not just about being seen. It’s about being known. The people closest to us are close because they notice us.  They pay attention to our needs, our moods, our patterns. Giving our attention says: This matters to me. And when that’s missing, it can shape how we show up in relationships—whether that looks like avoiding needs altogether or longing to be noticed without knowing how to ask.
In this episode, Caitlin explores something many of us quietly wrestle with: our very human need for attention. They also introduce us to a psychological concept called the Spotlight Effect, which explains why we tend to overestimate how much people notice us. This conversation reframes attention not as something shameful, but as something we need to feel seen, held, and understood.
“We are shaped and molded by people around us. But at the end of the day, like we have to know ourselves and we have to know how to take care of ourselves. So like your world should include other people, but it cannot revolve around other people because then you are losing yourself."
What We Explore in This Episode

• Why needing attention is a fundamental human experience
• The difference between healthy attention and shame-based narratives
• How trauma can push us to center others and abandon ourselves
• Becoming the center of your own world (without losing connection)
• The “spotlight effect” and why people notice you less than you think
• Reframing attention as intimacy, care, and mutual recognition