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Why You Date Who You Date | Sanity Optional - Episode 3
In this episode, Alexis gets into why so many people crave connection and then panic the moment they actually have it. She breaks down the nervous system roots of self-sabotage, why you lose interest when someone is finally kind to you, and why you keep choosing the same person with a different face. She also gets into the difference between gut instinct and anxiety, and why vulnerability is actually the fastest way to find out if someone is worth your time.
This is part one of a two-part series on relationships. Next week, Alexis gets into breakups, the fear of leaving, and how to know when it's time to walk away.
Timestamps
00:00 Why we fear relationships
04:12 Recognizing true intuition in relationships
08:55 Sabotage, insecurity, and resume dating
12:06 Dating for soul vs. status
17:12 Dating patterns and self-abandonment
22:00 Healing yourself and generational trauma
26:01 Trauma, validation, and confident dating
31:46 Vulnerability and conflict in dating
39:56 Overthinking and emotional regulation
44:26 Why leaving toxic relationships is hard
48:10 Fighting for relationships and dating the soul
ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL
Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
Welcome to the rabbit hole.
Show Links
Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/
View all episodes
By Speakeasy StudiosIn this episode, Alexis gets into why so many people crave connection and then panic the moment they actually have it. She breaks down the nervous system roots of self-sabotage, why you lose interest when someone is finally kind to you, and why you keep choosing the same person with a different face. She also gets into the difference between gut instinct and anxiety, and why vulnerability is actually the fastest way to find out if someone is worth your time.
This is part one of a two-part series on relationships. Next week, Alexis gets into breakups, the fear of leaving, and how to know when it's time to walk away.
Timestamps
00:00 Why we fear relationships
04:12 Recognizing true intuition in relationships
08:55 Sabotage, insecurity, and resume dating
12:06 Dating for soul vs. status
17:12 Dating patterns and self-abandonment
22:00 Healing yourself and generational trauma
26:01 Trauma, validation, and confident dating
31:46 Vulnerability and conflict in dating
39:56 Overthinking and emotional regulation
44:26 Why leaving toxic relationships is hard
48:10 Fighting for relationships and dating the soul
ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL
Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
Welcome to the rabbit hole.
Show Links
Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/