Sanity Optional

Sanity Optional

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Sanity Optional episodes

  • When Being the Strong One Breaks You | Sanity Optional | Episode 17

    In this episode, Alexis gets into what happens when you've spent so long being everyone's safe space that you've completely lost track of your own. She talks directly to the helpers, the caretakers, the oldest daughters, the nurses, the therapists, the teachers, and anyone who has quietly become the emotional backbone of everyone around them while nobody thinks to ask how they're doing.

    Alexis breaks down why endless giving often starts as survival and not strength, what compassion fatigue actually feels like from the inside, and why drawing a boundary can feel like becoming the villain even when it's the healthiest thing you've ever done. She also gets into why helpers tend to date emotionally unavailable people, what it means to mistake being needed for being loved, and what your life actually looks like when you stop abandoning yourself to take care of everyone else.

    Timestamps

    00:00 The Weight of Being the Strong One
    04:36 Boundaries vs. Self-Abandonment
    08:04 Roots of the Caretaker Identity
    11:39 Patterns in Rescuing and Relationships
    15:28 Healing from Compassion Fatigue

    ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL

    Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
    It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
    Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
    Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
    This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
    Welcome to the rabbit hole.

    Show Links

    Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

    23 min
  • You Don't Have to Have a Calling | Sanity Optional | Episode 16

    In this episode, Alexis gets into one of the quietest crises she sees in her work: people who have done everything right and still feel empty. She talks about what happens when your identity is built around achievement, why hustle culture is just another way of avoiding yourself, and why purpose doesn't have to be some grand, singular calling. It can just be loving your life.

    Alexis also gets into what it looks like to stop performing and actually find out who you are underneath it all, why nobody is coming to save you and why that's actually good news, and what it means to finally choose yourself instead of waiting to be chosen by someone else.

    Timestamps

    00:00 Finding Purpose and Your True Calling
    04:06 The Dangers of Hustle and Healing Culture
    08:29 Defining Value and Navigating Life’s Disappointments
    12:06 Unpacking Addictions and Taking Responsibility
    16:12 Love, Self-Worth, and Emotional Patterns
    21:09 Embracing Play Over Performance


    ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL
    Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
    It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
    Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
    Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
    This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
    Welcome to the rabbit hole.

    Show Links

    Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

    29 min
  • Why You're Afraid of Your Own Feelings | Sanity Optional | Episode 15

    In this episode, Alexis breaks down the emotions most people spend their lives trying to avoid and explains why avoiding them is exactly what keeps people stuck. She walks through the fear family, sadness, anger, shame, disgust, and more, getting into where each one comes from, what it's actually trying to tell you, and what it takes to heal it.

    Alexis also gets into the fears that quietly run people's lives, from the fear of death and failure to the fear of being seen, being left, or never becoming who they were supposed to be. She makes the case that no emotion is actually bad, and that the relationship you build with your own inner life is the most important one you'll ever have.

    Timestamps

    00:00 Introduction to Negative Emotions
    01:12 Understanding and Healing Fear
    05:47 Exploring the Sadness Family
    07:27 The Dynamics of Anger
    08:55 Navigating Shame and Guilt
    11:29 Disgust and Social Rigidity
    13:35 Threat to Self & Vulnerability
    14:48 Existential Emotions & Overwhelm
    18:10 Confronting the Fear of Death
    21:18 Living Wrong & Feeling Stuck
    25:17 Fear of Loss and Change
    27:00 Meaning, Purpose, and Uniqueness
    28:47 Embarrassment & Knowing Yourself
    31:00 False Identity & Dying Alone
    33:10 Career, Money, and Success Fears
    35:29 Relationship & Breakup Fears
    40:02 The Fear of Being a Bad Person
    41:09 Friendship Fears & Humiliation
    44:17 Core Fears and Healing


    ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL
    Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
    It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
    Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
    Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
    This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
    Welcome to the rabbit hole.

    Show Links

    Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

    48 min
  • Who Are You Really? Identity, Ego, and Coming Home to Yourself | Sanity Optional | Episode 14

    In this episode, Alexis digs into one of the most disorienting questions you can ask yourself: who are you, actually? She breaks down the difference between identity and ego, why so many people are living out a version of themselves built around earning love or staying safe, and what it feels like when you finally stop performing and start just being.

    Alexis gets into the nervous system roots of people-pleasing and overachieving, why reinventing yourself is healthy and not a crisis, and how rigid family systems quietly shape the way we see ourselves for decades. She also gets into ego death, the shadow self, and why coming home to your identity isn't a destination so much as a practice.

    Timestamps

    00:00 Identity vs. Ego
    02:37 Healthy vs. Unhealthy Ego
    06:32 Defining Self: Who Am I?
    09:42 Fluidity of Identity
    12:51 Chosen vs. Inherited Identity
    16:03 Authenticity and Relationships
    19:50 Self-Love and Validation
    22:32 Human Nature and Shadow Self
    26:17 Reinvention and Growth
    29:43 Exiting the Matrix of Fear
    33:04 The Power of Authenticity
    36:17 Outgrowing Family Identity
    39:10 The Pitfalls of Labels
    43:33 Online vs. Authentic Self
    47:25 AI, Brands, and Purpose
    51:17 Embracing Life’s Waves


    ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL
    Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
    It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
    Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
    Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
    This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
    Welcome to the rabbit hole.

    Show Links

    Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

    55 min
  • The History of Mental Health: How We Got Here and Why It Matters | Sanity Optional | Episode 13

    In this episode, Alexis gets into something she has been wanting to cover for a while: the history of mental health. And it is not a comfortable story. From spinning chairs and ice pick lobotomies to forced sterilizations funded by Rockefeller and Carnegie, she walks through how we got here and why so many people still carry a deep fear of mental institutions and psychiatric care. She also gets into the moments when humanity actually got it right, the Quakers, and what happened every single time kindness and community proved more effective than medication and control. Spoiler: it got shut down.

    Timestamps

    00:00 Introduction to Mental Health History
    03:13 Early Mental Health Treatments
    09:27 Humanitarian Reforms & Setbacks
    14:02 Eugenics Movement in Mental Health
    16:47 Brutal 20th Century ‘Treatments’
    20:03 Lobotomy and Chemical Lobotomy
    33:26 Reflecting on Mental Health History


    ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL
    Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
    It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
    Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
    Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
    This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
    Welcome to the rabbit hole.

    Show Links

    Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

    37 min
  • Hypnosis, Hope, and Importance of Kindness | Sanity Optional | Episode 12

    This episode does not have a tidy theme and Alexis is the first to admit it. She starts with some genuinely good news, talks about quitting vaping through hypnosis after two years of trying everything else, and then goes somewhere bigger. She gets into why everyone has become so mean online, why we have lost the ability to have fun, and why the loneliness epidemic is not going to be solved by anyone at the top of the room. She also gets into hope, excitement, community, and why the small choices we make every single day matter more than we think.

    Timestamps

     00:00 Quitting Nicotine: A Personal Journey
    03:00 Hypnosis: The Breakthrough Solution
    06:40 The Rise of Judgment and Fear
    09:50 Social Media’s Impact and Loneliness
    13:00 Embracing Imperfection and Connection
    17:28 Prioritizing Real-Life Interaction
    19:38 Economic Disparity and Lack of Empathy
    24:52 Rekindling Hope, Excitement, and Community
    29:50 Workplace Fun and Kindness
    32:40 The Power of Small Choices and Kindness


    ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL
    Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
    It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
    Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
    Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
    This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
    Welcome to the rabbit hole.

    Show Links

    Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

    38 min
  • ChatGPT vs. Therapist: Stop Asking the Computer and Start Asking Each Other | Sanity Optional | Episode 11

    Alexis has a bone to pick with ChatGPT. She works through the most googled mental health, sex, and dating questions and makes the case that most of what people are searching for has nothing to do with information; it’s about wanting to know that someone else feels the same way. She also gets into burnout culture, why community has quietly disappeared from modern life, and why the simple act of talking to a stranger might be more healing than anything you will find on a screen.

    Timestamps

    00:00 ChatGPT vs. Therapist
    01:36 ChatGPT’s Offense: Therapist to Therapist
    04:00 Is What I’m Feeling Normal?
    06:56 Coping with Stress: It’s Not That Serious
    08:11 Sex Drive and Body Normality
    09:37 Feeling Stuck and Burnt Out
    12:12 Dating: Why Can’t I Find Someone?
    14:31 Funny Questions and Texting Etiquette
    16:40 The Fear of Human Connection
    17:50 ChatGPT as a Tool, Not a Replacement
    21:07 Bringing Back Community and Connection


    ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL
    Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
    It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
    Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
    Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
    This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
    Welcome to the rabbit hole.

    Show Links

    Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

    25 min
  • The Sex Episode: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body | Sanity Optional | Episode 10

    The sex episode is here, and it goes somewhere unexpected. Alexis starts with performance anxiety, orgasmic disorder, and why we are all so weird about sex in America, before pivoting into the conversation she really wanted to have. The one nobody wants to have. She gets into sexual safety, predatory behavior, how to talk to your kids about body safety, and what she learned from the years she spent working with some of the most dangerous people she has ever encountered. She closes with a reminder that whatever happened to you does not leave a mark you cannot heal from, and that you deserve to thrive, not just survive.


    ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL
    Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
    It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
    Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
    Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
    This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
    Welcome to the rabbit hole.

    Show Links

    Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

    1 hr 2 min
  • The Dating Episode: The More You Heal the Better It Gets | Sanity Optional | Episode 9

    In this episode, Alexis gets into dating habits, and she does not hold back. She starts with a quick history of how we got here, from property arrangements and goats to situationships and Instagram story surveillance, and makes the case that nobody ever actually taught us how to do any of this. From there she gets into why dating apps are burning everyone out, why meeting in person is worth bringing back, and what it actually means to date with intention instead of just swiping into a void. She also works through a list of the most Googled dating questions out there, from ghosting to breadcrumbing to whether liking someone's story counts as a personality disorder.

    Timestamps

    00:00 The Struggle of Modern Dating
    03:36 Life Updates and Celebrations
    05:13 Evolution of Dating Habits
    11:36 Defining Modern Partnerships
    14:14 Dating App Burnout and Honesty
    21:58 The Art of In-Person Connections
    26:07 Dating with Confidence and Values
    31:22 Intentional Dating and Self-Worth
    35:00 Become the Person You Want to Date
    37:13 Exclusivity, Standards, and Pace
    39:59 Handling Rejection and Commitment
    43:19 Signs of Wasted Time
    43:38 When You Like Someone More
    44:14 Decoding Vague Communication
    45:54 Emotional Avoidance vs. ADHD
    48:00 Why You Become Irresistible
    49:12 Dealing with Non-Committal Behavior
    50:29 Avoiding Breadcrumbing and Unresolved Trauma
    52:17 Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners
    54:51 Healing Makes Dating Better

     

    ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL

    Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
    It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
    Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
    Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
    This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
    Welcome to the rabbit hole.

    Show Links

    Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

    57 min
  • The Women's Episode: As I Am, I Am Enough | Sanity Optional | Episode 8

    The Women's Episode is finally here. Alexis comes in with a lot of coffee and a lot to say about the generation of women she sees behind closed doors every week. Women who are running companies, raising kids, doing everything right, and still standing in the mirror telling themselves it is not enough. She gets into where that perfectionism comes from, why so many women have repressed rage they have never been given permission to feel, and what it actually looks like to stop letting the world evaluate you and start evaluating yourself. She also gets into shadow work, the rules of your kingdom, the pizza order, and why she is officially retiring the word boundaries.

    Timestamps

    00:00 Introduction & Allyship Statement
    03:18 The Pressure of Perfectionism
    06:26 Historical Conditioning and Emotional Intelligence
    12:28 Constant Evaluation & Generational Trauma
    22:08 Healing Perfectionism with Shadow Work
    31:52 Trusting Yourself & Releasing Repressed Anger
    38:58 Queen Bitch Energy & Kingdom Rules
    43:48 Metamorphosis Moment: Redefining Identity
    47:32 Dating: The Pizza Order & Merging Kingdoms
    53:49 Honest Dating: Beyond Trophies and Fear
    57:34 Confidence and Self-Belief

     

    ABOUT SANITY OPTIONAL

    Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
    It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
    Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
    Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
    This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
    Welcome to the rabbit hole.

    Show Links

    Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/

    1 hr

About Sanity Optional

From the publisher's feed

Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re…