In this episode of Sanity Optional, Alexis takes an honest look at depression and the many ways it can show up in our lives.
Drawing from personal experience and years of therapeutic work, she explores the different roots of depression, including burnout, trauma, nervous system patterns, and the pressure to constantly perform. Alexis breaks down the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses and how each one can shape the way people experience depression, from overworking and people-pleasing to emotional shutdown and anger.
She also talks about emotional numbness, the shame many people carry around feeling “lazy,” and why our culture’s obsession with productivity often makes healing harder. Alexis shares pieces of her own experience with burnout and recovery, along with the therapies and practices that helped her reconnect with herself.
Editor’s Note: During the conversation, Alexis refers to the “Shame Conditioning Process.” The correct term is the Shame Hardening Process, which describes how men are often socially conditioned to suppress emotional expression. We wanted to include this clarification for accuracy.
This episode contains discussion of depression and suicidal thoughts. If you are currently struggling or in crisis, please consider reaching out to a licensed mental health professional or a crisis support service in your area.
00:00 Understanding Depression: An Introduction
01:46 Depression’s Diverse Manifestations
03:10 Self-Abandonment and Hidden Benefits
04:45 Flight Mode Depression
10:39 Fawn Mode Depression
14:31 Freeze Mode Depression
19:42 Fight Mode and Healing Modalities
26:25 Recognizing and Addressing Numbness
33:51 The Role of Therapy in Healing
35:44 Causes of Depression and Self-Compassion
38:50 My Depression and Healing Journey
43:42 Understanding Addiction as a Friend
45:34 Depression is Not Laziness
48:56 Explaining Depression to Others
52:30 Navigating Parental Judgment and Support
55:30 Depression, Sleep, and Trauma
57:44 Effective Depression Treatments: Therapy, EMDR, and Medication
01:01:28 Recovery is Possible: Embracing Authenticity
Sanity Optional is a podcast about the parts of mental health we usually keep to ourselves.
It’s for the moments when your life looks fine on the outside but feels messy underneath. When you’re tired of being told to “do the work.” When you secretly wonder if you’re the only one struggling with something that feels too taboo to say out loud.
Hosted by therapist and founder of Rowan Healing, Alexis Ely, this show was created for people who feel like they’re in the other club. The ones who don’t fit the timeline. The ones who have been to the edge of their own mind and made it back.
Alexis shares her story, from early trauma and suicidal depression to the perfectionism and addiction that followed, and ultimately the kind of peace she once believed was impossible. She brings clinical experience and lived experience into the same room, without turning healing into a performance or a checklist.
This isn’t about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s about feeling at home in your own mind.
Welcome to the rabbit hole.
Rowan Healing: https://www.rowanhealing.com/
