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Why You Push Love Away (And How To STOP) [Ep 118]
Are you pushing love away without even realizing it? Avoidant attachment is the silent relationship killer — and most people confuse it with independence.
In this episode, we get raw and personal about avoidant attachment — the self-sabotaging patterns, the "all or nothing" thinking, and why avoidant people blow up perfectly good relationships. We break down how childhood shapes your attachment style, the deadly anxious-avoidant cycle, and the 3 steps that actually helped break the pattern and move toward secure attachment.
In This Episode
- Why avoidant attachment forms in childhood and how it silently controls your adult relationships
- The anxious-avoidant death spiral — and why someone HAS to be secure to break it
- How avoidance disguises itself as independence (and the phrases that prove you're avoidant)
- The 3 keys to breaking avoidant patterns: stay in it, communicate even when it's hard, and don't take things personally
Timestamps
00:00 — Introduction
00:36 — What Is Avoidant Attachment?
02:36 — Attachment Styles Explained
05:10 — How Your Childhood Created Your Attachment Style
07:07 — Why Avoidant People Self-Sabotage
10:00 — The Anxious-Avoidant Death Spiral
13:36 — Why Men Struggle With This More
16:05 — "The Right Person Won't Trigger Me" Lie
21:28 — Why Avoidant People Prefer Being Alone
24:56 — The Secret To Becoming Securely Attached
28:56 — Codependency vs Interdependency
32:57 — The Perfectionism Trap
35:02 — You Cannot Have Trust Without Communication
43:40 — Phrases That Prove You're Avoidant
46:36 — Independence or Avoidance?
48:00 — How To Help Your Avoidant Partner
58:02 — Setting Boundaries With Love
1:00:24 — The Courage To Be Disliked
1:02:03 — 3 Steps To Break Avoidant Patterns
1:04:00 — Relationship Problems Must Be Solved Together
Connect
🎙 Full show notes & resources
📺 YouTube
📷 Instagram: @betterthanperfectpodcast
📧 Subscribe for weekly relationship advice
About the Show
Better Than Perfect is a relationship podcast that helps you navigate modern dating, marriage, and everything in between — with real talk and practical advice that actually works. New episodes every Friday.
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By Nicole and John SonmezAre you pushing love away without even realizing it? Avoidant attachment is the silent relationship killer — and most people confuse it with independence.
In this episode, we get raw and personal about avoidant attachment — the self-sabotaging patterns, the "all or nothing" thinking, and why avoidant people blow up perfectly good relationships. We break down how childhood shapes your attachment style, the deadly anxious-avoidant cycle, and the 3 steps that actually helped break the pattern and move toward secure attachment.
In This Episode
- Why avoidant attachment forms in childhood and how it silently controls your adult relationships
- The anxious-avoidant death spiral — and why someone HAS to be secure to break it
- How avoidance disguises itself as independence (and the phrases that prove you're avoidant)
- The 3 keys to breaking avoidant patterns: stay in it, communicate even when it's hard, and don't take things personally
Timestamps
00:00 — Introduction
00:36 — What Is Avoidant Attachment?
02:36 — Attachment Styles Explained
05:10 — How Your Childhood Created Your Attachment Style
07:07 — Why Avoidant People Self-Sabotage
10:00 — The Anxious-Avoidant Death Spiral
13:36 — Why Men Struggle With This More
16:05 — "The Right Person Won't Trigger Me" Lie
21:28 — Why Avoidant People Prefer Being Alone
24:56 — The Secret To Becoming Securely Attached
28:56 — Codependency vs Interdependency
32:57 — The Perfectionism Trap
35:02 — You Cannot Have Trust Without Communication
43:40 — Phrases That Prove You're Avoidant
46:36 — Independence or Avoidance?
48:00 — How To Help Your Avoidant Partner
58:02 — Setting Boundaries With Love
1:00:24 — The Courage To Be Disliked
1:02:03 — 3 Steps To Break Avoidant Patterns
1:04:00 — Relationship Problems Must Be Solved Together
Connect
🎙 Full show notes & resources
📺 YouTube
📷 Instagram: @betterthanperfectpodcast
📧 Subscribe for weekly relationship advice
About the Show
Better Than Perfect is a relationship podcast that helps you navigate modern dating, marriage, and everything in between — with real talk and practical advice that actually works. New episodes every Friday.