I Snapped And It Wasn’t About Him

I had to check myself on Saturday.

Last week took everything out of me. I’m talking full-body exhaustion. The kind where you sit down “just for a second” and an hour later you realize you’re still in your coat, barely able to form a sentence just kinda staring at the wall.

By Friday night, I was tapped out. Final round, couldn’t muster up the energy to do much more than lay.

So Saturday morning rolls around, and my husband, who has the energy of an overexcited golden retriever, came flying into the bedroom after waking up early for a Liverpool game and jumps on me.

Now I am not stupid. I LOVE this energy. I love the way he loves me but remember, Friday night I was already at the end of my rope.

We had planned to go for a run.(Which… already felt like a personal attack, because I don’t run.)

My husband had a come to Jesus moment a couple weekends ago at a mindset event we went to together and decided he wanted to take his health into his own hands. So he is now challenging himself to 90 days sober and signed *us* up for two fun runs in the upcoming months to test himself.

I prayed for this, but on Saturday morning I resented every single one of those prayers.

I dragged myself out of bed, walked into the living room, and the first thing he said was:“Hey, we need to put our clothes away from our trip. It’s been almost a week.”

And just like that I snapped.Immediate. Sharp. Defensive.

“Eamon, have you NOTICED how much I’ve been working? When exactly do you think I’ve had time to do that?!”

Cue the war.

The Moment It Clicked

What followed was a few tense, clipped exchanges before I told him to just go for a run without me. (the drama)

But he didn’t.

He paused, looked at me, and said:“What’s actually your problem?”

And that question hit harder than anything else. It wasn’t the f*** you tone, he was genuinely confused what happened.

Because deep down, I knew, and he knew, this wasn’t about laundry.

I was exhausted.I was overwhelmed.And if I’m being honest I was anxious as hell about this whole “becoming a runner” thing.

It felt like pressure. It felt like something I’d be bad at.And when you’re someone who’s used to doing things well… being a beginner can feel like failure.

Why We Become Emotionally Reactive

Here’s the truth most people skip over: Emotional reactions are rarely about the moment, they’re about accumulated overload.

When your nervous system is fried, your capacity shrinks.

Chronic stress weakens the prefrontal cortex (your logical, decision-making brain) and strengthens the amygdala (your threat detector), making you more likely to react impulsively instead of responding thoughtfully.

In simple terms:When you’re overwhelmed, everything feels like a threat, even your partner asking to do a collaborative chore.

The Questions That Change Everything

Instead of continuing the argument, I went silent for a bit. (not the BEST communication skills, but we are all a work in progress!)

I took a step back and asked myself a few simple questions:

* Was he actually trying to target me?→ No. He said we. Not TIA, but my brain heard “Tia, you’re a failure for not cleaning sooner.”

* Have I been taking care of myself this week?→ Absolutely not.

* Have I been following through on things I said I would do?→ Also no.

* Have I created any structure or space to breathe for myself this week?→ Not even close.

That was the real problem.

Not him.Not the run.Not the laundry.

Me, running on empty letting life feel like a chore.

The Root Cause Most People Miss

This is where it gets uncomfortable but necessary.

I hadn’t cooked dinner in weeks. I don’t do any of the laundry. He’d been picking up the slack at home while also working full-time.And I was so deep in my own stress that I couldn’t even see how much he was doing.

That’s the sneaky part about burnout:

It pulls you into “me mode” so hard that you lose awareness of everything, and everyone else.

And when that happens, even small things feel unfair.Even supportive people feel like obstacles.

A Simple Reset for Emotional Triggers

If you find yourself snapping, shutting down, or overreacting, start here:

1. Pause the story

Not everything is a personal attack.

2. Scan your state

Are you tired? Overstimulated? Undernourished? Literally treat yourself like a toddler. That’s who we become when we react.

3. Check your inputs

Sleep, food, movement, downtime - where are you depleted?

4. Take one small corrective action

Not a full life overhaul. Just one shift.

You don’t need a perfect routine, you need enough support to stay regulated.

Why This Matters

When you don’t take care of yourself, your world shrinks.

Your patience disappears.Your reactions get sharper.And the people you care about feel it.

This is the hard pill to swallow but it’s NOT just about you. You exist with other humans, and while being selfish is important in the sense of taking care of yourself - you don’t get to be rude to others because you haven’t taken on that autonomy.

But when you do take care of yourself?

It takes a lot more to shake you. You are more resilient to the shifts. And life genuinely feels easier.

The Truth I Keep Coming Back To

I always say there are two things we can control, and that’s really it:

* How we treat ourselves

* How we treat others

As a over-achiever, perfectionist, it’s hard to admit that these are the only two things, but it’s true. Sorry not sorry.

The reality is you can’t separate the two either.

When you’re not treating yourself with respect, you won’t have the capacity to treat others with it either.

So take a step back today and ask yourself - where have I been reactionary? And where have I taken time to fill my cup?

Even with all this, I want to remind you it’s OKAY to have a moment.Life will test you, it does to all of us.

But don’t skip the part where you check yourself.

That’s where everything shifts.

This is exactly the work I do—helping people find small, realistic ways to take care of themselves so they can show up better in their lives, relationships, and work.

If you’re feeling stretched thin and know something needs to change, let’s talk.

Lots of love,

Tia

Why do I snap at people when I’m stressed?Because your nervous system is overloaded, making it harder for your brain to regulate emotional responses.

How can I stop overreacting in the moment?Pause, assess your physical and emotional state, and address the root cause (fatigue, hunger, overwhelm) before reacting.

Is emotional reactivity a bad thing?Not inherently—it’s a signal. The key is learning how to respond to that signal instead of letting it control your behavior.

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