This week, we’re continuing our journey with Unlearning Doubt. Morning posts are written for individual contributors. Midday posts are for managers and supervisors. Evening posts are for everyone—wherever you sit.

When we encounter behavior that feels troubling or hurtful, our first instinct is often to ask, What did I do to cause this? But human behavior is shaped by immense complexity. Each person arrives at work carrying a lifetime of experiences, and when we truly consider how unique those experiences are, it becomes easier to understand why we don’t always mesh in the workplace—sometimes right away, sometimes ever. That perspective can also help us make sense of behavior that feels confusing or misaligned.

I’ll use myself as an example.

I think of my life as a cumulative experiment—mixing together a wide range of perspectives to see what emerges. Many experiences influence how I think and behave, including:

Messages I absorbed in childhood about who I was and my worth, which shaped how I saw myself as an adult.

My education in public schools within a Confederate fan base in small‑town North Carolina; the old, quiet simplicity of rural New Hampshire; and time spent in Olympia, Washington, the state capitol and long‑time home to both sides of my family.

Facilitating creative writing workshops for disenfranchised communities.

Working for a non‑profit school inside county jails in California.

Living through life‑threatening health events—for both me and my spouse.

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These experiences continue to influence:

How I feel about myself and how I present myself to others.

How I interpret nonverbal communication.

How I interact with others and think about equity and belonging.

How I respond to emergencies and hospital settings.

Some of these experiences were traumatic; others were not. But all of them involved immense, life-altering stressful experiences. And all of them shaped my thought patterns and communication styles over time. Changing those patterns requires sustained, intentional attention.

Now, imagine that everyone you work with—your peers, your manager, your direct reports—has their own list. You have your own list, too.

Human experience is the primary ingredient that shapes behavior. This isn’t an excuse, and it doesn’t absolve anyone of responsibility for harmful actions. But it is an explanation. And it’s useful data—if we’re willing to work with it.

A few grounding numbers help put this in perspective:

Seventy percent of people worldwide will experience at least one potentially traumatic event in their lifetime.

In 2025, sixty‑two percent of U.S. adults reported that societal division was a significant source of stress in their lives.

Stress affects nearly every system in the body: central nervous, respiratory, cardiovascular, digestive, muscular, immune, and reproductive.

Saying that a stressful work environment affects people’s lives is an understatement. When prior experiences meet the current societal climate—and are layered on top of a high‑stress workplace—it becomes far less likely that another person’s behavior is actually about you.

This is an important truth to remember when you’re battling self‑doubt. And self‑doubt doesn’t go away on its own—you have to actively challenge it. So let’s practice.

Feet on the floor.Deep breath in.Deep breath out.

Now, think about a moment this week when someone responded in a way you didn’t expect—or in a way that felt hurtful.

What happened?What response were you expecting?How did you feel afterward?

Deep breath in.Deep breath out.

Consider this: could your expectations for their response be shaped by your own history and experiences? Could their response be shaped by theirs?

Deep breath in.Deep breath out.

You don’t have to judge or analyze the situation fully. Just allow for the possibility that their response was about something—or someone—else.

If that possibility exists, can you release the idea that it was about you?

Deep breath in.Deep breath out.

Letting go of assumptions about other people is essential for protecting our mental health at work. It helps us survive toxic environments, and it’s foundational to leading well.

Take another breath.You’ve got this.

For resources and more, visit unmanagedpeople.com.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit elizabetharnott1.substack.com