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Why Your Words Don’t Reach Him | The Shame Raincoat
It's not your fault that your words don't get through.
Your husband carries something called a shame raincoat. Every affirmation, every positive thing you say hits that raincoat and washes away. Not because your words are wrong. Because the shame keeps telling him he's broken.
That raincoat doesn't come off in contact with you. It comes off when he connects with other men who say "I've been there." Not men who make his behavior okay. Men who call him out and make it okay for him to change.
In this video I explain why he's isolated, why your words feel ineffective, and what kind of relationships he actually needs to begin healing. This isn't about giving him permission to hang out with the boys. This is about building something he's probably never learned how to do.
Send him to the Storm Ready Men channel: [link]
Take the free assessment: https://stormreadymen.com
Timestamps
00:00 - It's Not Your Fault
00:10 - The Shame Raincoat
00:43 - Why Your Words Don't Get Through
01:33 - How the Shame Comes Off
02:06 - It's Not Your Fault (His Beliefs Keep Him Stuck)
02:28 - Why He's Isolated
02:53 - Enabling vs Real Accountability
03:16 - He Needs an Inner Circle
03:55 - I Was in a Room Full of People and Felt Alone
04:25 - How to Build Deeper Relationships
05:14 - Polite Distant Conversations
05:53 - Learning to Be Vulnerable
06:16 - What Storm Ready Men Is About
06:58 - What I Want for Your Husband
07:20 - Why I Built Storm Ready
07:45 - This Is Not Permission to Hang Out
08:15 - The Kind of Men I Want Him to Find
08:44 - Take the Assessment
--
Next Steps & Resources:
• Explore the C.U.R.E. Method: https://thecouplecure.com
• Join Storm Ready Men: https://stormreadymen.com
• The Basics of Rebuilding Trust: https://jayandloripyatt.gumroad.com/l/LzMJm
• New to the Channel? Start with our 5 seasons of foundational content here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLitabWxO9iDI1-ByymvBpwaiTB0sozSjL
We want to hear from you—how can we best support you in this new season? Let us know in the comments.
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww
--
Who is This Channel For?
If your marriage has been impacted by addiction — whether you're the one struggling or the one carrying the pain — this channel is for you.
Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay's compulsive pornography use. We found a way through it. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we help couples find the peace, trust, and connection they're looking for.
#TheCoupleCure #BetrayalTrauma #ShameRaincoat #BetrayedWife #MarriageRecovery #BrokenTrust #RecoveryJourney #EmotionalIntimacy #RelationalStorms #StormReadyMen #MensMentalHealth #HusbandRecovery #HealingAfterBetrayal
View all episodes
By Jay & Lori Pyatt
4.8
1212 ratings
It's not your fault that your words don't get through.
Your husband carries something called a shame raincoat. Every affirmation, every positive thing you say hits that raincoat and washes away. Not because your words are wrong. Because the shame keeps telling him he's broken.
That raincoat doesn't come off in contact with you. It comes off when he connects with other men who say "I've been there." Not men who make his behavior okay. Men who call him out and make it okay for him to change.
In this video I explain why he's isolated, why your words feel ineffective, and what kind of relationships he actually needs to begin healing. This isn't about giving him permission to hang out with the boys. This is about building something he's probably never learned how to do.
Send him to the Storm Ready Men channel: [link]
Take the free assessment: https://stormreadymen.com
Timestamps
00:00 - It's Not Your Fault
00:10 - The Shame Raincoat
00:43 - Why Your Words Don't Get Through
01:33 - How the Shame Comes Off
02:06 - It's Not Your Fault (His Beliefs Keep Him Stuck)
02:28 - Why He's Isolated
02:53 - Enabling vs Real Accountability
03:16 - He Needs an Inner Circle
03:55 - I Was in a Room Full of People and Felt Alone
04:25 - How to Build Deeper Relationships
05:14 - Polite Distant Conversations
05:53 - Learning to Be Vulnerable
06:16 - What Storm Ready Men Is About
06:58 - What I Want for Your Husband
07:20 - Why I Built Storm Ready
07:45 - This Is Not Permission to Hang Out
08:15 - The Kind of Men I Want Him to Find
08:44 - Take the Assessment
--
Next Steps & Resources:
• Explore the C.U.R.E. Method: https://thecouplecure.com
• Join Storm Ready Men: https://stormreadymen.com
• The Basics of Rebuilding Trust: https://jayandloripyatt.gumroad.com/l/LzMJm
• New to the Channel? Start with our 5 seasons of foundational content here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLitabWxO9iDI1-ByymvBpwaiTB0sozSjL
We want to hear from you—how can we best support you in this new season? Let us know in the comments.
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww
--
Who is This Channel For?
If your marriage has been impacted by addiction — whether you're the one struggling or the one carrying the pain — this channel is for you.
Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay's compulsive pornography use. We found a way through it. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we help couples find the peace, trust, and connection they're looking for.
#TheCoupleCure #BetrayalTrauma #ShameRaincoat #BetrayedWife #MarriageRecovery #BrokenTrust #RecoveryJourney #EmotionalIntimacy #RelationalStorms #StormReadyMen #MensMentalHealth #HusbandRecovery #HealingAfterBetrayal