You watch your child start something new — a project, a sport, a friendship — and the moment it gets hard, they quit.

Or they won’t even try.
“I can’t do it!”

“I’m bad at this.”

“Nobody likes me!”

So you do what feels right. You reassure them.
You remind them how smart they are, how capable, how wonderful.

And they push back harder.
“No, I’m not.”
“You have to say that.”
“You don’t understand.”

If you’ve been here, you’ve probably tried a few different approaches.

Maybe you’ve doubled down on the praise. More compliments, more “You’ve got this!” More evidence of all the things they’re good at.

Or maybe you’ve backed off, thinking they just need space to figure it out on their own.

Both make sense. Neither seems to give your kid more confidence.

Here’s what I’ve learned from research and decades of working with kids and families:

Directly trying to improve a child’s self-esteem tends to backfire.

The more we tell self-doubting kids, “You’re wonderful!” the harder they argue, “I’m terrible!” Our reassurance actually gives them something to push against.

Real confidence doesn’t come from believing you’re great. It comes from something else entirely — from being part of something bigger than yourself.

This is a different way of thinking about self-esteem, and it changes everything about how we help kids who are struggling.

This month’s featured workshop:
Kid Confidence: Help Your Child Build Real Self-Esteem

This workshop walks you through exactly what builds real self-esteem, and what this looks like in practice:

• The three key ingredients for genuine confidence (that have nothing to do with thinking you’re great)

• How to respond when your child is feeling down about themselves — without the hollow reassurance that backfires

• Specific ways to help unmotivated kids find the courage to try

• The mistaken belief that keeps kids from making friends, and what to do instead

It’s 62 minutes, broken into short sections you can watch whenever it works for you.

Build Real Confidence

For Paid Subscribers: $20 OFF

Paid subscribers receive a COUPON CODE for $20 OFF the regular price of this workshop. The coupon will be sent in a separate email and expires on February 28th, 2026.

Not a paid subscriber? Upgrade now to support the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast and get monthly workshop coupons, including this month's $20 off code.

Warm wishes,
Dr. Eileen

P.S. This month’s Full Access live Q&A is all about kids and self-esteem, so if you've got questions about the child who gives up easily or won't believe your encouragement, this is your chance to ask. It’s one of the perks of Full Access, which also includes all 9 workshops, bonus guides, and curated podcast playlists. Everything you need so you’re never stuck wondering what to do. Join Full Access here!