Wild and Precious Conversations

Nurturing/Mothering — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Jessica Hessels, Badass Mom of the Badass Moms Club.

Our conversation begins at approximately the 5:20 mark with Jessica graciously accepting my affirmation that I wholeheartedly enjoy her youthfulness. I appreciate her young, open attitude toward mothering (and all care giving) and so we start there.

We talk a lot about social media - how it can empower and disempower young parents simply through its immediacy and always-on nature. It’s been a full 23 years since I was a new mom, so a lot has changed — I so admire the inclusiveness in modern mothering…but also understand that there is a lot of pressure still to conform.

And that is in many ways the essence of what we talk about. I chose to breastfeed all four of my babies, while Jessica chose to share feeding with her husband and use formula. Both are options. Both are valid options.

And, onward to more empowerment of those caring for the youngest and most vulnerable.

What we talked about:

* First, Yes, Jessica is young & wise.

* Second, Breast is {not necessarily} best. It’s a choice, people. As are most decisions we make during mothering an all care giving. The range of acceptable is wide.

* Third, Mothering, care giving, is a role we take on but which should not define us.

* Fourth, Let’s make absolutely sure our oxygen mask is on first.

Notes:

* The Badass Moms Club — Cate’s latest space for connection.

Onward to Family. I love the idea that we choose our family and I love the idea that we nurture the hell out of the relationships with those we did not chose. Both. All. And, I acknowledge that sometimes we need to pause a relationship while the other person catches up a bit. Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and our conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with My Family: my sister and my two cousins. Honestly, it’s going to be quite the conversation.

The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong!

And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.

Connectedness — Welcome to the second half of a Wild and Precious conversation with Cate Baio, Transformational Coach.

Our conversation begins with Cate speaking about the importance of community in connectedness and how challenging that is right now. She talks about a Brene Brown book, “Braving the Wilderness”, and how important shared experience is to our sense of community. (Heck Yes!)

I make a rallying cry for the fact that humans are going to be human, no matter what. And that, with focus and encouragement on healthy ways to connect, we got this.

Cate introduces a term from her child’s school “up & clean or down & dirty” — and we talk about some “up & clean” ways to connect…as well as a few “down & dirty”

We wind our way into creating a culture where everyone is emotionally strong and healthy. Wow. What a world.

I end by sending a shout out to a dear friend who is running for leadership of the British Columbia Green Party, Cam Brewer. A huge boost to ethical, healthy political action.

What we talked about:

* First, Braving the Wilderness of community.

* Second, We yearn for connection. Let’s do it in an “Up & Clean” way.

* Third, Let’s work to foster community that’s connected and healthy…maybe even a few politicians?

Notes:

* The Wholehearted Collective — Cate’s latest space for connection.

* Braving the Wilderness — Brene Brown

* British Columbia Green Party — Cam Brewer’s leadership

Onward to more connection — this time with Moms! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with Jessica Hessels of BadAss Moms Club podcast.

The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong!

And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.

Connectedness — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Cate Baio, Transformational Coach.

Our conversation begins with Cate speaking to the fact that I view her life’s work as being about connection and connectedness. We wind out way through a conversation that goes to ideas put forth in Brene Brown’s book, “Braving the Wilderness”

We move from there to the idea of being connected to those around you and seeing yourself though the lens provided by those close to you.

We pause for today with the idea that, when we can connect to those around us as our authentic selves, it becomes like a little flame that grows…

Next week, we continue the conversation.

What we talked about:

* First, Yes, Cate’s life work is centered in connection.

* Second, Connection to yourself first…but what does that look like? I put forward that Hannah Gatsby seems to be an idealized example of what might happen if we are truly imperfectly our authentic selves.

* Third, We consider what happens when we are seen and reflected in the eyes of those closest to us.

* Fourth, We pause for today with the idea that connection can begin like a little flame….

Notes:

* The Wholehearted Collective — Cate’s latest space for connection.

* Braving the Wilderness — Brene Brown

Onward to more connection! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and part two of our conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with Cate Baio of Cate Baio Transformational Coaching.

The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong!

And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.

Good Life — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Jeff Strong, pastor of Nelson Covenant Church.

Our conversation begins as we dive in with the idea of a rule of life — Jeff speaks about the most recent time he worked on his, which was during vocational formation to become pastor in the Covenant church.

We move from there to the idea of balancing our authentic selves with being together in relationship in the world. Mindfulness, listening to our bodies, expressing our emotions — even the negative ones — and being aware of what those emotions really are. It’s all part of the whole.

Being in the world — feeling at home in our own skin but also feeling at ease in our relationships with others. How? Well, we don’t come to any definitive 3 point plans by any means but we do narrow it down to the importance of getting still and listening to God’s voice — and the all important — LOVE.

What we talked about:

* First, The brass tacks: what even is a rule of life?

* Second, We move into the idea of expressing yourself, knowing what you are even feeling, mindfulness, and listening to your body for clues.

* Third, Going deeper — we all yearn to feel at ease in the world, in relationship with ourselves and others. How can we do this? Through time spent with that “third ballast” (Jeff’s words) God.

* Fourth, IT all comes down to love.

Notes:

* Mere Disciple — Jeff’s podcast

Onward to connection! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with Cate Baio of Cate Baio Transformational Coaching.

The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong!

And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.

Goodness — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation that’s both about our Goodness and the first episode of my parallel project: People Are Good.

The episode begins with a quote from my favorite podcast. I’m a Murderino, a huge fan of “My Favorite Murder” and in episode #185, Karen Kilgarith and Georgia Hardstark nailed it when they said the title of Karen’s next book will be: “Shut Up: You’re the A*****e” — You need to admit, with humility, that you are always an a-hole, and move forward accepting that.

The premise today is that you need to give up being a good person in order to do good stuff.

The story that I use to really drive that home is the story of dearly beloved, all around “good person” and worldwide hero, Winston Churchill.

What I talked about:

* First, The way that Karen K. and Georgia H. nailed what I wanted to talk about today made me want to force everyone I know to listen to their podcast. Yes, there’s true crime. Yes, there’s comedy. I come for that stuff but stay for the free life coaching.

* Second, Scott Jefferies, life coach, writes in his article at Psych Central that you must let go of the idea of being a good person if you want to actually do good. I realted that to Carol Dweck’s idea about a Growth Mindset.

* Third, I tell the story of Winston Churchill with an emphasis on the things he got very very wrong.

* Fourth, The implication may be that, perhaps, the more one holds tightly to the idea that they are 100% good, the more heinous the evil may be that escapes unwittingly. Perhaps.

Notes:

* My Favorite Murder — My Favorite Podcast. Really.

* Why You Should Stop Being A Good Person — Scott Jefferies article at Psych Central

* Growth Mindset — Carol Dweck speaking at Google on her idea of the Growth Mindset

* Quotes (Answers to who said what in the podcast):

* Churchill

* Neither — attributed to Churchill but there is no evidence he actually said it.

* Hitler

* Hitler

* Churchill

Onward — The next few weeks we’re talking about how we’re connected! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday.

What do you think? Are people good? Let me know.

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Good Enough — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation where I tell a story about a “Good Enough” life and give some ideas for how you can get one of your own.

I began by diving into Winnicott and his ideas about the “good enough” care giver. What that means, why we mostly unfortunately didn’t have “good enough” parents and probably weren’t good enough parents ourselves. Also 1000% no shade to parents — first, we’re all in the same boat, trying to follow the latest expert advice rather than our “good enough” inner voice. And second, we know about this thing called resilience. We can learn to be “good enough” at any age.

What I talked about:

* First, Who was Winnicott and what was his message — and why was it so counter culture? What was the prevailing message for how to parent?

* Second, What happens when we don’t have “good enough” parents?

* Third, Okay — Great. What can we do to become “good enough”?

* Fourth, I tell a really inspiring story about a “good enough” person. I really hope that when you hear this story you will be inspired to do the work to become “good enough”.

Notes:

* Winnicott — Really good article about him, his radio broadcasts and the time that he lived in.

* Caroline McHugh — The Art of Being Yourself

* Chiune Sugihara — A good enough person.

Onward! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday.

I would love to hear from you! I’m really passionate about all of us living “good enough” lives. What do you do in your life to stay true to yourself? What do you need more of? What, if anything, can I do to help? Honestly, if you let me know and I know of a resource, I’ll send it your way. Thank you!

The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong!

And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Subscribe/rate/review at Apple podcasts — or Spotify, or Stitcher, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Excited to stay in the arena with you.

Sex — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Leah Carey of Good Girls Talk About Sex podcast.

Our conversation began by acknowledging that “the world is on fire”. From there, we dove head first into talking about sex.

I’m taking a bit of a departure today for my show notes, because I really like Leah’s bio and want to use it to introduce what we talked about and why I think Leah was the perfect choice as a guest for this subject:

Leah Carey is a sex and intimacy coach who works with women who are ready to move beyond laying back and accepting whatever their partner wants to do to them, and want to start becoming equal co-creators of their sexual experience.

This work was not an obvious life choice for Leah. Growing up with an abusive father, she learned to be a VERY “good girl.” But she never learned about building a loving, trusting relationship.

She got involved in a series of emotionally abusive relationships, always convinced that SHE was the problem – not pretty enough, smart enough, or sexually skilled enough. Even worse: she wasn’t having pleasure during sex, so she was convinced she was broken.

At age 42, life threw Leah an opportunity to build a new story: with both parents gone and no siblings, she no longer needed to uphold the family mythology of the “good girl.”

Over the course of a year, she challenged her old beliefs about worthiness, attractiveness, and desirability. Watching her phenomenal growth, people started seeking her out to help them do the same.

Today, Leah works with women like you to reflect your true sexual nature back to you, without all the judgment, shame, and fear that can get in the way of you seeing it for yourself.

She will give you permission to embrace the sexuality that is innately yours, no matter what it looks like. In working with her, you will have the opportunity to sink so deeply into your true sexuality that the person who used to be scared of what she wanted - and terrified to speak it out loud - feels like a mirage from another lifetime.

She is the host of the podcast “Good Girls Talk About Sex,” where she interviews women about their personal sexual histories.

What we talked about:

* First, A rather long (7 ish minute) preamble where we talk about what is going on in the world. We each share a pretty vulnerable story about what we have learned recently about our friends who are Black/Brown or African American.

* Second, We dive into sex.

* Third, We discuss the importance of relationship, of being vulnerable, of working through the difficult moments to get to the good stuff and how everyone is better off when we can take the time to have a healthy sexual realtionship.

* Fourth, We get into some very frank talk about what that means — including, and please see the show notes, a great resource for how to talk about your STARS.

Notes:

* Visit Leah at www.leahcarey.com or on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube @GoodGirlsTalk

* STARS Talk — STARS talk by Dr. Evelin Dacker

Onward to Vulnerability. Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with … I’m not sure yet. I am considering a non-guest week! But how is that a conversation? Patcience, grasshopper. It’s all about vulnerability.

The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong!

And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.

Gratitude — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Matana Poupko Jacobs, of Hope to Recharge podcast.

Our conversation began by jumping right in to the reality that gratitude is really easy when life is easy. It becomes precious when life throws you a curve ball, when you have to remember to be grateful for your breath. For your ability to sit down. For the roof over your head. For your food that day. We then wander into a discussion of Sabbath, of taking time to connect to your inner self, to God, to your close family.

We talk about the importance of recognizing resentment. Of not just moving to gratitude when it’s false, but taking time to come through resentment to acceptance and finally a real gratitude for something that may surprise you.

I decided to give up my slight resentment over wearing masks as an example. Before you send hate mail, please know that I really don’t resent wearing a mask very much — I decided to “go there” as a way to open that conversation that no one really wants to wear a mask when we wake up in the morning…but we do it out of love for our neighbour. Honestly, I think how we broke that one down was gorgeous. Thank you, Matana!

The way Matana left the conversation filled me with well needed tears of joy. Listen.

What we talked about:

* First, Gratitude is easy until it is not. At that moment, start small. Start with your breath.

* Second, We move into a lovely (IMHO) discussion of the Sabbath, going inward to find gratitude, the importance of knowing yourself (that’s my paraphrase…)

* Third, We discuss being both spiritual and religious and how to find a balance of the two.

* Fourth, We end on the breath.

Notes:

* Hope to Recharge

* Unblink Studio — My friend Jackie Tahara’s shop. I can’t be the only one wanting to up my mask game?

Onward to sex! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode on Thursday with Leah Carey of Good Girls Talk About Sex. (Yes, your normally modest dare-I-say sqeamish 52 year old gets very frank and mature. Be forewarned.)

The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong!

And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.

Peace — Welcome to the second half of my Wild and Precious conversation with Kimberly Weeks, Trauma Recovery Coach.

Our conversation continues with the reality that you cannot have peace within when your neighbour is in trauma. We really reach deep and talk about the difficult stuff going on in the world right now: the emerging awakening to a world that does not tolerate injustice, that does not tolerate racism.

Kimberly shares the 5 steps to recovery from trauma:

* Denial

* Chaos

* Recovery

* Reclamation

* Advocacy

And from there, we speak about what is happening in our world right now while also relating it to our personal experiences in our families and within ourselves.

We end our conversation hopeful, a little spent :) and ready to move through the stages to become advocates for each other.

What we talked about:

* First, I started things off by confronting the idea that many of us want to hush trauma. We feel disregulated by other people expressing their grief or rage and need to quieten it in order to calm ourselves…

* Second, Kimberly jumps in and gives the five stages recovery. Names that hushing space as denial into chaos and helps to hold space for and give hope for what can happen by staying in that difficult and icky feeling process.

* Third, We dig deeper, both in terms of family systems and the wider world and talk about how hard it is to move through trauma.

* Fourth, We talk about harmony. Not agreeing with everyone on everything but being able to tolerate a world of differences — different emotional stages, different responses, different levels of trauma recovery, different opinions. And how beautiful it can be, coming from a place of love and being strong enough to listen to the music we play together.

Notes:

* Kimberly Weeks

Onward to…I haven’t decided yet! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and a conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast with a surprise guest! (I am between three different themes and haven’t decided what comes next…)

The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong!

And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.

Peace — Welcome to a Wild and Precious conversation with Kimberly Weeks, Trauma Recovery Coach.

Our conversation began with what peace is. My young, immature self thought peace was easy. My slightly more mature self knows it’s not. Getting there, getting to a place of peace, of wholeness, is where the struggle lies.

We talk about what peace is and how to get there. What the struggle feels like when you don’t have peace on the inside but crave peace in your outer world, in your community. Hint: it isn’t going to happen…

This is a two part conversation. There was a natural break at the mid-way point, so we’re going to leave you with a cliffhanger :)

Can we have peace in our inner selves? Can our communities find peace?

What we talked about:

* First, We ease into the conversation and I left it in there…skip to about 8 minutes if you don’t want to hear me talk about why I have a woodpecker sound for my notifications....

* Second, Kimberly defines peace and we start in.

* Third, We move into the idea of starting with inner peace…

* Fourth, We talk about the unrest in our communities right now and begin to speak about getting to peace.

Notes:

* Kimberly Weeks

Onward to more peace! Look for the Monday morning newsletter, and the second part of our conversation from the Wild and Precious podcast episode with Kimberly Weeks, Trauma Recovery Coach

The Underbelly Project: A weekly workout for your emotional strength and flexibility. If you’re not afraid to get dusty and maybe shed a few tears together, join me and let’s get emotionally strong!

And please, if you know anyone who might like to share this journey, share this project. Excited to stay in the arena with you.