Wilderness Wanderings

I assure you that there were many widows in Israel in Elijah's time, when the sky was shut for three and a half years and there was a severe famine throughout the land. Yet Elijah was not sent to any of them, but to a widow in Zarephath in the region of Sidon. And there were many in Israel with leprosy in the time of Elisha the prophet, yet not one of them was cleansed—only Naaman the Syrian." All the people in the synagogue were furious when they heard this. (Luke 4:25-28)

The home town crowd of this domesticated Jesus may have wished him to "do here what you did in Capernaum." In other words, bring your show home, we want to be entertained too! Not to believe, but just to see what the fuss is about for ourselves—if you really are anything special, that is. They had their doubts. Our text from today is Jesus' offensive, roundabout way of saying "no."

Middle Eastern cultural scholar, Ken Bailey notes how Nazareth was located in "Galilee of the Gentiles" as a Jewish enclave. A sort of frontier settler town, really, with a very nationalistic bent. In Jesus' reading of Isaiah from the scroll that began this whole scene, he had omitted key sections about judgement against the Gentiles. And now he presumes to tell these nationalistic folks that God's salvation is for foreigners.

Jesus is drawing some very clear and stark lines here, and not in the places that his home-town crowd would've liked them drawn. Clearly, Jesus was no longer one of them. He had broken faith with their interpretation of their Bibles. They envisioned a wrathful God that they could employ to fight their battles against their foreign, gentile neighbours. Jesus proclaims to them a Biblical God who heals and saves indiscriminately, sometimes even choosing foreigners in preference over his own people. What a slap in the face!

But also, what a counter-cultural gift for those who might have the ears to hear it. God is bigger than our own use for him. Jesus is too. Jesus is about much more than acting as our own personal body guard, mercenary, or vending machine. He doesn't play that role for our countries either, no matter how good and civilized we may think them to be.

You never can quite contain or box-in the Sovereign Lord. Otherwise he wouldn't be very sovereign, would he? He does new things and things that are calibrated to his notions of justice, righteousness, flourishing, not ours.

So always, always again we are invited, especially by these strange, counter-cultural words of Jesus to stop trying to submit God to our will, and to submit to his instead. That is an invitation to humble ourselves, open our eyes and ears, and be attentive to the surprising ways that He might move or speak so that instead of using God to build our kingdoms, we might follow him into his kingdom: because he is our Lord and Sovereign King.

All spoke well of him and were amazed at the gracious words that came from his lips. "Isn't this Joseph's son?" they asked. Jesus said to them, "Surely you will quote this proverb to me: 'Physician, heal yourself!' And you will tell me, 'Do here in your hometown what we have heard that you did in Capernaum.'" "Truly I tell you," he continued, "no prophet is accepted in his hometown (Luke 4:22-24).

Yesterday, Pastor Anthony invited us to consider if we truly understood what Jesus meant by the word "salvation". It's a word so familiar, we Christians no longer see ourselves as part of it. Redemption might be for those not yet saved, but hardly for us. Today, I want to continue this train of thought because, well, that is what our text does.

Having heard his sermon, the people of Nazareth, where he had grown up, were impressed. He was obviously a good speaker with gracious words. But there was a problem. They all knew him. He had grown up among them. Some might even have hired him to do some construction. Several edifices in the neighbourhood could be attributed to him and his dad, Joseph.

So, the problem was this: how could this flesh and blood human whom they had seen grow up be more than just the son of Joseph? How on earth could he be the one to fulfill everything Isaiah had prophesied? How could he be the one bringing God's salvation? They knew him so well, this 'local boy made good'!

Luke has been hammering home that Jesus is more than just the son of Joseph. He is the Son of God. This is primary. But in Nazareth, folks don't believe it. It just can't be true.

I think we might have the same problem. We have domesticated Jesus.

I am not suggesting we do not believe he is the Son of God. We sing it often enough and regularly address him as God in our prayers. However, it doesn't strike us as significant or meaningful. We view him as a kindly shepherd caring for his sheep. This is one of the biblical images and we do well to mediate on it. Jesus is kind and compassionate to the hurting, as he claims in Matthew 12:20.

But Luke has be telling us that Jesus is the "Son of God". That's a big deal! The first hint of this comes from Psalm 2 in which the kings of the earth are warned that they had better serve this Son of God or reap the consequences. Oddly, this phrase 'son of God' gets meshed with 'son of Man.' Daniel hears this about the son of Man, "He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; all nations and peoples of every language worshiped him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away, and his kingdom is one that will never be destroyed" (7:14).

Mary drew out the implications in her song, "He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty" (Luke 1:51-53).

The folks in Nazareth recognized what Jesus was claiming. He was going to turn human culture upside down. He was claiming to be their forever king, worthy of their worship. But they wouldn't believe it. Do we? When is the last time you fell down and worshipped Jesus? That is what folks in the Bible, who really get who he is, do. His neighbours didn't want to do that. He was too domestic.

Have we done the same thing with Jesus? Is he just the guy we talk about on Sundays? Someone we might turn to him when we need some extra help? But the Son of God? Worthy of worship? In the business of upending the world? Not so much.

With many a knowing nudge and delighted smile, they turned to each other saying, "Isn't this Joseph's son?" The answer is No, no, a million times no! He is the Son of God. Are you with him?

He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. He stood up to read, and the scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written: "The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him. He began by saying to them, "Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing." (Luke 4:16-21)

In Luke's telling, this is the core of the Gospel that Jesus proclaimed. The passages Jesus reads from Isaiah are passages that speak of both the Messiah and the Year of Jubilee coming. Jesus declares that both are fulfilled today by his appearance: that he is the Messiah who saves and sets free the people.

Now, upon walking into a room, some of us may have been so bold as to declare: "You can start the party now, I'm here!" But to declare that our presence means salvation has arrived? That's pretty insane, actually. To say it seriously, you either need to be God himself, a comedian, or out of your mind. Indeed the good folks of Nazareth pretty promptly tried to kill Jesus, as we'll see a bit later on.

Now let's say that we believe Jesus is God, and not in need of therapy. Even so, salvation is a big word. A word we toss around pretty freely in church-y circles, but a word that remains pretty abstract. And we like it that way. Abstractions don't demand action. So we tend to keep this word abstract by setting it next to similarly abstract words like "sin," "heaven," "soul," etc. Stir it all up together and you get a tidy formula of abstractions like: "Jesus has saved me from my sin so that I can go to heaven." But what does that mean? The declaration of salvation should punch you in the gut and offend you such that you're tempted either to fall on your knees or push Jesus off a cliff, and this cute little Christianese phrase just doesn't quite do that. Because it's abstract.

But Jesus doesn't use abstract words like salvation here. He talks instead about concrete things for particular people. "Good news for the poor, freedom for prisoners and the oppressed, recovery of sight for the blind." Now: did you hear your own name in those phrases? Maybe you should.

For someone to come up and say: nope, you can't do life yourself—you're a failure, unsuccessful, unable, not useful enough, guilty of mismanagement, incompetent, you don't have enough, aren't strong enough, aren't smart enough—well that's pretty offensive. Offensive enough to push Jesus off a cliff over. But that's really what it means to be in need of saving. And then Jesus follows it up with the equally of offensive statement: that what you can't do, he can. Who on earth would respond to that alter call? The folks in Nazareth certainly didn't.

But perhaps those who found their own situation named by Jesus did. The poor, the imprisoned, the blind, the oppressed, the indebted. Somehow, when salvation becomes concrete and personal—addressed to us and our real situation: it not only offends, but can also redeem. Because then there's enough relationship for us to entrust ourselves.

So the question is: what do you need saving from? In what area of your life are you burdened, shackled, oppressed, blind? Where is Jesus at work in your heart and life, inviting you to hear his good news of freedom, recovery, and good favour? It is a humbling thing to admit one's need, but it is the first step toward hearing Jesus' good news addressed to you.

When the devil had finished all this tempting, he left him until an opportune time. Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside. He was teaching in their synagogues, and everyone praised him (Luke 4:13-15).

Let's begin the week with another mediation on the devil tempting Jesus. We hope you have found the reflections on this story helpful for your faith.

You may recall that Luke begins his account with the phrase, "Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit…" Now he writes, "Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit…" Before Jesus ascended into heaven, he instructed his followers with these words, "I am going to send you what my father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high" (Luke 24:48). Clearly, this is a reference to the Holy Spirit.

From Luke's gospel we can deduce that the life of Christian discipleship is lived under two powerful forces: the Holy Spirit and the Holy Scriptures. We have already noted that Jesus resists each temptation with scripture. It is a simple but powerful resistance. Let us all follow his example with confidence, for there will be no freedom from temptation in this life.

Luke points out that Satan finished these temptations but hung around in the background waiting for other opportune times to re-engage. We know he is hanging around us too, for Peter writes, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8).

As we have seen, Satan tempted Jesus' regarding his status as the unique Son of God. He wanted to derail Jesus from the road of redemption he was traveling. We will be tempted in different ways, in places which matter most in our life and vocation. It is important for us to learn to recognize the voices that whisper attractive lies, to distinguish them from the voice of God.

Some of us will do anything for love, others for power, others for material wealth. There are other weak points we might have. We need to know them. And we need to know the scriptures that fill the emptiness within. Then we need to trust that the Holy Spirit will recall those scriptures to our minds when temptations come. Recite them to the devil.

We cannot avoid being tested in this life. How we response to them is our concern. Do we react in a way that looks to God to guide us through it? Do we trust him? Do struggles make us angry? Do we seek to reassert our control? Or do we rest in faith, looking for God's hand, and asking him what we should learn from these experiences?

Luke tells us this story to show that the central conflict for Jesus and for us is against the devil. He was beaten, Jesus did not yield. Again and again, Satan would come with temptation. Each time Jesus resisted. Until, on the eve of the crucifixion, in that hour when darkness reigned (Luke 22:53) Jesus wrestled in Gethsemane. Satan attacked Him with all the power and savagery of hell in a desperate attempt to overcome Him. It was a last-ditch demonic effort, but Jesus triumphed over all the power of darkness in His death on the cross and confirmed His victory through his resurrection and ascension.

Jesus resisted to the very end. He walked the full hellish road of redemption for us. Let us thank God that our Redeemer, even under the most adverse circumstances, both spiritual and physical, emerged from the conflict as the spotless and Holy One, as triumphant Conqueror. He won for us. Through him we also conquer.

In Hebrews we read, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" (4:15-16). Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift.

An extended Sunday Sermon edition of Wilderness Wanderings! The text is 1 Samuel 2:11-36 from the New International Version of the Bible. Dive In discussion questions are below for further reflection!

To see this sermon in the context of the worship service it comes from, find it here on YouTube. Or, head to our website to connect with the worshiping community of Immanuel CRC: immanuelministries.ca

DIVE IN QUESTIONS

1. What trends of polarization, individualism, and immaturity do you encounter in your world these days? How do you participate in those trends yourself?

2. What are some of the harder implications of this immaturity in our society and lives these days? Have you ever experienced any of these implications?

3. What was the deal with Eli's boys? What were they judged for and how?

4. How does Samuel's story form a contrast to the story of Eli's boys? How does Samuel "grow in stature and in favour with the LORD and with people"?

5. What does Luke want to say about Jesus as he compares Jesus's growing up to Samuel's? (See one of the parallels between 1 Samuel 2:26 and Luke 2:52—note 1 Samuel 2:35 as well!)

6. What does it means to grow up to maturity in the Christian life? How might you concretely go about doing that this week? And: what part does Jesus play in it?

The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down from here. For it is written: "'He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'" Jesus answered, "It is said: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"

"Do something spectacular," the devil says: "make a name for yourself. Get a reputation. Show them something they've never seen before. Prove God exists already so that they believe!"

The first temptation is about our appetite for the material gratifications of life. The second about our ambitions to power and control. The third is about our desire for approval. "You'll prove yourself and show them all," the devil says: "these worshipers will never doubt you again. They'll clap, they'll cheer, they'll know you're God and they'll finally love you."

How much don't we do in our life to impress or gain the approval of someone else? Or to gain a place of belonging for ourselves in the group? Whether it's from our parents, our spouse, our boss or peers, many of us push to earn the approval we crave. Sometimes at great lengths and great cost, all for the elusive prise of getting a smile, a digital like, or even love itself.

But again, like the pursuits of our appetite and ambitions, our pursuit of approval leaves us empty and bitter more often than it leaves us full of the love we desire.

Because the love we long for isn't earned. Love is a gift, not a transaction. It can't be earned or won by a good performance, report card, or reputable position. Love is given. As God does in our baptisms when he says: "you are my child, whom I love: with you I am well pleased."

The invitation is simply to receive this identity we already have as the beloved children of God, approved by him not because of what we have done, but simply out of his good, gracious gift in Jesus.

So when the devil—questioning Jesus' sonship—tells him to take a flying leap to prove God good to his word, Jesus comes back with the voice of truth from scripture that there is no need to put God to the test. Jesus knows who he is. He is God's beloved son. And no ploy from the devil will make him doubt it or feel the need to prove it—not to himself nor to the throng of worshipers below.

Now, we're not Jesus. And we do doubt God's love sometimes, even as we doubt our imperfect places of human love and belonging sometimes. I think God knew we would, and so he gave us a sign to remind us: not a gimmicky showman Jesus performing angelic dare-devil stunts, but a humble, faithful Jesus who was quite literally dying to love us.

It is only in receiving this unconditional, unflinching love of God in Jesus Christ that we begin to learn what it means to be loved. It is only rooted in this love of God that adopts us as children with a home and place of belonging that we begin to feel safe and trusting enough to offer the same love to others.

The devil led him (Jesus) up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. And he said to him, "I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. If you worship me, it will all be yours." Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Worship the Lord your God and serve him only'" (Luke 4:5-8).

The second temptation the devil tosses Jesus' way, hits home for many of us. Who has not dreamed, or at least day-dreamed, of a little bit more glory and honour than we currently have? Who of us hasn't found herself thinking that she deserves more responsibility? We can handle it, we tell ourselves; we are more qualified than the person currently wielding it.

Most of us have a little turf that we control, even if its only as small as our desk at work, or a bit larger, like the lives of our children or spouse. We want control, to run things our way, to have a space in life that is predictable. When we start losing control we lash out, we blame, we criticize, we force people back into compliance; we set the ship back into order, our order.

The gift of authority and splendour meets a deep heart need within all of us. God created us with it. Created in the image of God, we were given responsibility over creation and crowned with the splendour of God himself. Addressing God, Psalm 8 puts this in poetic form, you "crowned them with glory and honor. You made them rulers over the works of your hands…" (5,6).

We were meant to govern the cosmos according to God's design. But we thought we had found a better way. When our first parents choose the way of disobedience, we lost control over the creation; our ability to shepherd it slipped from our fingers. Jesus came to restore us to this glory and splendour, that we might re-take our rightful place over creation. Not control for our own sake, to puff up our egos, but rather, that through us, the creation gives glory to God.

In temptations of power and status, Satan offers us something that we were created and redeemed for. The heavenly choirs sing that Jesus redeems us to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God, and to reign on the earth (Revelation 5:10). But it is not the devils to give. And ironically, worshipping him will bring us further and further from our intended goal.

But our text is about the temptation of Jesus. God does want him to become sovereign over the world, as Gabriel had told Mary (Luke 1:32). So why not go for it in one easy stride? Because the path to kingship is humble service, not a devilish seeking after status and power.

Jesus' life is to be used for restoring others to life and strength, as his miracles demonstrate, not for cheap stunts. His status as God's son commits him, not to showy prestige, but to the strange path of humility, service and finally death. The road to kingship is through self-sacrifice, not in grasping for power.

So, Jesus responds to the devil not by attempting to argue. A lesson we do well to follow. Arguing with temptation is a way of playing with the idea until it becomes too attractive to resist. Rather, he quotes scripture with a passage recited daily by the Israelites.

The Christian discipline of fighting temptation is not about self-hatred or rejecting a good time. Our resistance to temptation is love and loyalty to the God who has already named us his beloved children in Christ. Loving God with all of our hearts, souls, mind and strength, in other words, worship, is the way to resist. Those who resist intimacy with God are most easily seduced by the glamour of power or control.

Jesus calls us to follow him in the path which leads to the true glory. In that glory lies the true happiness, the true fulfilment, which neither world, nor flesh, nor devil can begin to imitate. The problem is that this pathway is the not the fast way. And it is not the easy way. It does often feel like plodding along. And it calls us to sacrifice. Satan tries to subvert our walk with God by offering shortcuts to spirituality—which are dead ends. In response, we must rely on God walking the hard road with him. Trust him, he will give us authority and splendour.

The devil said to him, "If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread." Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone.'" (Luke 4:3-4)

All of us get hungry. Jesus no less so. The question, is what do we do with our hunger, our appetite?

It was Adam and Eve's appetite for fruit that was "good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom" that drove them to "take some and eat it" (Genesis 3:6).

We do the same thing every day. We see and seek to take a lifestyle that includes a particular kind of house, a particular amount of income, a particular style of food pleasing to the eye (like a charcuterie board?), and all sorts of other material securities and assets, as well as shows, podcasts, and whatever else we consumers need to consume to feel full of life, secure in our position, and satisfied. The picture of our desire here that we hope to find is that of pushing ourselves away from a good meal at a spreading Thanksgiving Day table—warm, full, and satisfied—ready to rest and enjoy all the goodness we've just gobbled up.

Of course, whether we're consuming food, fashion, fame, finances, or functional improvements to our homes—after we've bought and consumed the thing—we get hungry again. Enough is never quite enough. The hunger pangs return and we need more.

And so we continue grabbing and reaching for more—sometimes more than we were actually created to have, as was Adam & Eve's case. This is the hunger for money that's at the root of all evil. This is the hunger for security that causes us to compete and elbow others out—like in the vaccine ques or the toilet paper line ups. This is the insatiable hunger for more that turns a Creation of plenty into an environmental catastrophe of scarcity. This is a hunger for life that—when limited by no God-spoken boundaries—succeeds only in bringing death.

As with all our desires, our hunger for life and its material provision always points beyond itself to something better and lasting. Like: every word that comes from the mouth of God, including the word that was made flesh and became for us Jesus, the bread of life. He is the God of Creation and all provision who invites us to trust in him and pray to him for our daily bread rather than greedily or gluttonously grabbing it for ourselves. The invitation is to trust in God for our provision, rather than to secure it for ourselves.

Jesus knew this, and so with 40 days of hunger built up in his gut from the wasteland of scarcity he faced down the devil. And where humanity failed, Jesus prevailed, stating clearly and freely: "man shall not live on bread alone." He satisfied his hunger with something better: with a trust in the God-provided boundaries that Adam and Eve had forsaken.

A deep temptation for us is to believe that we actually do live by bread alone, that our infinite hunger can be satisfied by finite, materials things like a house, a show, or a solid pension, and that we can actually wrangle those things out of the finite stones of this earth. But it never works. Food (along with the rest of the material world) is not an end in itself—it doesn't satisfy. Rather, it is a means of experiencing, living by, and giving thanks for God's good gifts, and so deepening the relationship of trust between us. The material world always points beyond itself—to something better—lifting the eyes of our hunger and longings up past our plate and pointing them to the Bread of Life instead.

Trusting in Jesus for our life's provision, we will find our deepest hungers and thirsts satisfied. And out of that contended satisfaction, we may find it much easier to share the abundant provision of God we've received with others too. When you trust in the word of God for your provision, 5,000 can be fed before you know it from what looked for all the world to be utter scarcity. Our relationships with God, our neighbours, and the Creation itself can be restored. So, may God give us today our daily bread and help us to trust in him to do it.

Jesus, full of the Holy Spirit, left the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, where for forty days he was tempted by the devil. He ate nothing during those days, and at the end of them he was hungry (Luke 4:1-2).

With Pastor Anthony having been on vacation last week, neither of us prepared anything for yesterday. We apologize for that.

With that out of the way, let us return to Luke's account of Jesus life and ministry. You may recall that in the early chapters Luke has been exploring who Jesus is, ending his genealogy with 'the son of Adam, the son of God.' We have here the doctrine of the incarnation which comes to us in story form not with theological precision.

In Luke's account of Jesus' temptations by the devil, we see both his humanity and his divinity in full display. This account is given to us both for our instruction and our encouragement.

Our text for today is just the introduction, but it is worth some exploration. Why does Luke say that Jesus was 'full of the Holy Spirit'? Was he less filled at other times of his life? Not enough information is provided to give full answer. It seems clear that something significant happened at Jesus baptism which prepared him to begin his public ministry.

It is also worth noting that Paul tells us to be filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18) and Luke will tell us that Barnabas was 'a man full of the Spirit' (Acts 11:24). It seems that sometimes we Christians are more filled with the Spirit then at other times. It ought to be our desire and goal to be fully directed by the Spirit and we ought to live in ways that give the Spirit sway over us.

Our text takes us back to the Garden of Eden where the tempter is first introduced. There, our first parents had everything they could possibly want, after all, God's declaration, "It was very good", still held sway. Jesus is not in such a situation. He is in a place of deprivation, facing physical hardships Adam and Eve had not yet imagined.

Jesus is 'the son of Adam.' Will he fair better than Adam himself? That is a question answered in this story.

A second biblical call back is to Israel in the wilderness between Egypt and the promised land. The assumption is that Jesus spent 40 days in that wilderness. The Israelites had manna every morning, Jesus had nothing. By the end he was hungry; hungrier than most of us have ever been. Will he do better than the Israelites? Another question answered.

These temptations by the devil begin Jesus' ministry. This tells us what the primary struggle is. His battle was not against the power hungry abusive Roman empire, nor was it against the false piety of the Pharisees, nor against the scarcity of food and health among the general population. Those were only symptoms of the real problem. His real battle was against the devil.

I wonder if we have forgotten this. We do well to fight against poverty and homelessness and human trafficking and lack of access to health care and all the other injustices that we see around us. Yet, among all these battles, the primary battle is still for the human heart, for the redemption of the human being. Even those of us redeemed in Christ, must still guard our hearts and fight against personal temptations first.

Luke makes it abundantly clear that Jesus, the New Israel, the son of Adam and the son of God, resisted the temptations. He won! And now he fills us with His Holy Spirit; we too can resist the wiles of the devil. There is hope for all who follow behind the rider on the white horse (see Revelation 19).

A special, extended Sunday Sermon edition of Wilderness Wanderings! The text is 1 Samuel 1 from the New International Version of the Bible. Dive In discussion questions are below for further reflection!

To see this sermon in the context of the worship service it comes from, find it here on YouTube. Or, head to our website to connect with the worshiping community of Immanuel CRC: immanuelministries.ca

1. In your opinion, what is the state of the church today in North America?

1. In what context does the book of 1 Samuel open? How does Hannah's barrenness reflect conditions in Israel? Have you experienced such times in your life?

1. Why is it so difficult to wait on the Lord?

1. What four things does Hannah do in her waiting?

1. How can you build these practices more deeply into your life? What value will they have for you?

6. Does this story give you hope for yourself and for the church?