Will Bowen Audio

Take a look at a typical email and notice how many sentences begin with the first-person pronoun, “I.”

This is NOT effective communication.

You, and everyone else, look at the world through the eyes of “what’s important to me?"

Therefore, using the word “you“ catches people's attention and engages them.

People tolerate the word “I” but they zone in on “you."

So, here’s my tip: *** Treat your emails like potatoes -- cut out the “I’s” before you serve them. ***

You’ll find this a simple communication hack that makes you seem more interesting and engaging.

And, people will begin to respond more favorably to you!

George Carlin raised a pretty solid question when he asked why people should pray to a divine being that already has an unchangeable divine plan in place.

In other words, isn’t prayer just commenting on the movie unfolding in front of you?

Not really.

Many great theologians have said that prayer may or may not change God. But, one thing’s for certain: prayer changes the one who prays.

However you talk to a higher power, the very act of talking to God changes your way of thinking and acting.

It’s amazing how many people try to change other people‘s behaviors by making them wrong.

We don’t get others to change through harassment, we get them to change by making them WANT the change.

To change others, become a role model and not a rule enforcer.

Remember the old saying, “A person changed against their will is of the same opinion still.”

Attacking other’s choices only makes them cling more tightly to those choices.

Practice acceptance and demonstrate possibilities; then, people those around you cannot help but change right before your eyes.

Here’s a helpful little suggestion...

When you’re discussing something with someone and trying to reach a consensus, after the person makes their suggestions respond with, “I like that and…“

Many times, our natural response is to skip over areas of agreement and jump on what we don’t like, with “But..“, which negates their perspective.

Instead, compliment the other person PLUS use the bridge-building word “and” rather than the distance-creating word “but."

“I like that, and…” are magic words that will make your communications much smoother and they’ve built more bridges than the Army Corps of Engineers!

The Complaint Fee challenge is more than just to go 21 days in a row without complaining, it's also to not criticize or gossip during for that length of time.

Lately, I’ve been working on the demon “criticism" because I don’t seem to have it licked.

It seems that what I consider “helpful suggestions“ can sound like criticism to others and I want to change that.

Who knew, right?

The literal definition of the word “criticism” is “to express an unfavorable opinion”

Wow! Can you imagine going 21 days in a row without expressing a single unfavorable opinion?

Well, I’m working to do just that and today I’m once again back on Day 1.

(“No shame in Day 1”)

And, I’ve learned a lot to help you become less critical starting right now.

In my years of struggling to better communicate with other people, I’ve witnessed a common ploy used by many couples, parents, even friends during a flight.

It’s called “emotional manipulation" and it often sounds like this, “You’re right — I’m no good! Everything is my fault! If only you were with someone as perfect as you, everything would be fine. I’m 100% the problem!”

By overly diminishing one’s self in an argument, we both force the other person to stop attacking us AND we get them to start defending u-s — pretty slick move, eh?

It’s pretty brilliant but it’s a tactic that keeps us and our relationships stuck.

Notice how often you (and other people around you) resort to emotional manipulation and you’ll see that it’s a guaranteed to limit your personal control and success.

You’re not going to believe this but while I was reading today’s To You; Love God entry to write this, I accidentally knocked over my 32 OZ igloo mug SOAKING my computer keyboard with water.

And, when you watch today’s video you’ll know why this is HILARIOUS because it’s all about not taking unfortunate events personally.

The key is to remember Thomas Ashley Forrand’s words, “This is happening, but it’s not happens to me.”

See how holding that one perspective can totally transform your day starting now.

The other day I received an email from someone who had been irritated by one of my blog posts.

 

I read her concerns carefully and crafted a response that began, “I’m sorry you were upset by what I said.“

 

After I sent the email, I realized that I had not really apologized.

 

My apology was actually a “passive aggressive apology.“

 

Whenever we say “I’m sorry you...“ we are not really apologizing.

 

We're putting the issue back on the other person rather than assuming responsibility, which is implied by a genuine apology.

 

Notice how often you use the passive aggressive apology and strive to be more genuine when you apologize.

When I deliver a speech, I like to blow up the myth of positive thinking.

“Most people believe Positive Thinking means ‘Everything will always turn our great every time,’ right?” I say.

“Well, that’s not positive thinking -- that’s STUPID thinking because every single day of your life SOMETHING goes wrong.”

When we embrace the inescapable truth that despite our best efforts stuff goes wrong frequently, we free ourselves to deal with what is happening rather than wasting time lamenting over what is NOT happening.

It’s all perspective and you get to choose yours.

Choose well starting today.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a jungle explorer when I grew up.

I imagined myself stomping along in boots, sporting a pith helmet, wearing shorts and a vest both festooned with pockets to hold my maps.

Forget the jungle!

As an adult, I now see that the least explored thing in the world is the other side of a contentious issue.

People will develop an opinion first, then do research to support that opinion, and that’s about as far as it goes.

Our points of view should be secure enough for us to check out the other side -- especially when it comes to those close to us.

If we see things a certain way (note the word “certain”) and our spouse sees them another, it can be hard as heck to get ourselves to explore their side.

And yet, for both growth and harmony that’s exactly what we need to do.

Grab your flashlight, your magnifying glass, and your map and let’s explore the unchartered territory of another person's point of view -- LOL!