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Willing vs. Wanting: Consent, Gifts & the Space Between
Lauren and Trey begin 2026 with a nuanced dialogue about willing and wanting in long-term partnership.
In this 30-minute episode, they unpack a recent real-life conversation where Trey shares that he feels “willing” is a tier below “wanting,” while Lauren challenges that framework. Drawing from Kai Cheng Thom’s Spectrum of Consent and Dr. Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent, they explore whether willingness and wanting must be hierarchical, or if they can live on the same tier as different, equally valid experiences.
Lauren shares why giving a gift, when done within her limits, can feel deeply joyful, even when it’s not something she actively wants. Trey reflects on moments where he’s been willing for Lauren, how those choices felt in his body, and why his second read of The Art of Receiving and Giving is shifting how he understands consent, generosity, and care.
Together, they talk through specific scenarios, including an upcoming trip that’s “for Trey,” and how naming willingness (without resentment or self-abandonment) can actually strengthen trust and intimacy. They also draw a clear distinction between consensual willingness and the familiar but harmful pattern of “taking one for the team.”
This episode is an invitation to rethink consent beyond yes/no binaries and to explore how giving, receiving, and choosing each other can look when both partners stay connected to their own limits.
If this conversation brings up questions about consent, desire, or navigating willingness in your own relationship, Lauren offers free consults for individuals and couples. Visit sexedforyou.com/freeconsult to request yours.
Ideal for couples in long-term partnerships who want deeper intimacy, more desire, and better sex.
About Us: Lauren and Trey are partners living in Central Virginia where Lauren owns and operates, SEX ED FOR YOU. She provides comprehensive sexuality education and embodied coaching to individuals, partners, and parents.
Through a biopsychosocial approach, Sex Ed for You works to restore positive and respectful approaches to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as increase the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. (WHO)
Sexual health is fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples and families, and to the social and economic development of communities and countries. (WHO) When individuals are blocked from sexual health they are stunted from developing a sense of sensual play and enjoyment.
• Learn more about Sex Ed for You at https://www.sexedforyou.com
• Schedule a FREE CONSULT with Lauren today: https://www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult
• Learn more about partnered communication best practices on Sex Ed For You’s Instagram Page: https://www.instagram.com/sex_ed_for_you/
• Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more videos about sex, partnership, communication, and love: https://youtube.com/@thepartnershippodcast
Reminders: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you. Lauren is NOT a therapist. She is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy and Relationship Coach.
View all episodes
By Lauren and Trey
4.8
1414 ratings
Lauren and Trey begin 2026 with a nuanced dialogue about willing and wanting in long-term partnership.
In this 30-minute episode, they unpack a recent real-life conversation where Trey shares that he feels “willing” is a tier below “wanting,” while Lauren challenges that framework. Drawing from Kai Cheng Thom’s Spectrum of Consent and Dr. Betty Martin’s Wheel of Consent, they explore whether willingness and wanting must be hierarchical, or if they can live on the same tier as different, equally valid experiences.
Lauren shares why giving a gift, when done within her limits, can feel deeply joyful, even when it’s not something she actively wants. Trey reflects on moments where he’s been willing for Lauren, how those choices felt in his body, and why his second read of The Art of Receiving and Giving is shifting how he understands consent, generosity, and care.
Together, they talk through specific scenarios, including an upcoming trip that’s “for Trey,” and how naming willingness (without resentment or self-abandonment) can actually strengthen trust and intimacy. They also draw a clear distinction between consensual willingness and the familiar but harmful pattern of “taking one for the team.”
This episode is an invitation to rethink consent beyond yes/no binaries and to explore how giving, receiving, and choosing each other can look when both partners stay connected to their own limits.
If this conversation brings up questions about consent, desire, or navigating willingness in your own relationship, Lauren offers free consults for individuals and couples. Visit sexedforyou.com/freeconsult to request yours.
Ideal for couples in long-term partnerships who want deeper intimacy, more desire, and better sex.
About Us: Lauren and Trey are partners living in Central Virginia where Lauren owns and operates, SEX ED FOR YOU. She provides comprehensive sexuality education and embodied coaching to individuals, partners, and parents.
Through a biopsychosocial approach, Sex Ed for You works to restore positive and respectful approaches to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as increase the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. (WHO)
Sexual health is fundamental to the overall health and well-being of individuals, couples and families, and to the social and economic development of communities and countries. (WHO) When individuals are blocked from sexual health they are stunted from developing a sense of sensual play and enjoyment.
• Learn more about Sex Ed for You at https://www.sexedforyou.com
• Schedule a FREE CONSULT with Lauren today: https://www.sexedforyou.com/freeconsult
• Learn more about partnered communication best practices on Sex Ed For You’s Instagram Page: https://www.instagram.com/sex_ed_for_you/
• Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more videos about sex, partnership, communication, and love: https://youtube.com/@thepartnershippodcast
Reminders: This is not a "how to" podcast, but rather a "how they" podcast. Please listen to our opinions and then come to your own! Learn from our mistakes or give our techniques a try! It’s all up to you. Lauren is NOT a therapist. She is a Certified Holistic Sexuality Educator and Embodied Intimacy and Relationship Coach.