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I hope at this point in the year, everyone is still committed to their goals, and sticking to tasks you set out to accomplish. If not, don’t worry, you still have time to make it happen. So, make it happen! Today’s podcast will address some simple, yet dangerous culprits, that have been successful at killing dreams.
The first dream killer I want to bring our attention is obvious, but the way it masks itself can prevent us from recognizing it when it shows up. Sometimes, we do not notice it until it is too late. That dream killer’s name is, DISTRACTION! It’s so easy to fall prey to distractions in the age we live in because we are busy people. We have more access to technology today than any other generation in the history of the planet. Not only do we have social media, Netflix, the internet, and work competing for our attention, we also have to find time for our families and friends. And we wonder why we are tired all the time? There are so many things vying for our attention. It can be challenging to figure out what is the priority, and what we should leave for later. Leadership and Personal Mastery Specialist Robin Sharma says, “your life is too important to give it to distractions.” Think about it -- when was the last time you were able to be alone with your thoughts for a couple of hours? When was the last time you practiced meditation techniques? How many of us can sit in a room for thirty minutes without grabbing our phones or tablets every few minutes to check emails, text messages, or social media?
Growing up, when it would rain, my family would gather together in the living room and spend quality time together. I'm not sure if that was by force or by choice, but it was my parent's rule. When there was a storm coming, my mom would turn everything off, which included the air conditioner. We would open the door, lay on the floor, listen to the rain, sing, laugh, and enjoy each other's company. Those times created memories and a bond with my family that I will never forget. Today, quiet and alone time has become almost non-existent. It’s like we are too afraid to sit in quiet with our thoughts because we are too afraid of what might come to the forefront. I will admit, dealing with our doubts, and facing our past can be scary. So our way of dealing with it is to keep ourselves preoccupied. We associate being busy with being productive, but that couldn't be further from the truth. I can be busy driving, but that does not mean I am going in the right direction. I believe, if we re-evaluated our schedules today, we would find several things that are unproductive. If we eliminated those unproductive items we would see that we have more time to dedicate to making our dreams come to life. We have to evaluate our lives and check to see if our schedule or agenda is a distractor in disguise. Playwriter and Director Lorraine Hansberry were quoted as saying, “Never be afraid to sit awhile and think.”
We need to ask ourselves:
- What do I really need to do?
- What do I need to let others do?
- What doesn’t need to be done at all?
Distractions also come in the form of people. Some of our so-called friends are nothing more than distractions. If we are honest, we would admit that half the people we consider friends don't want to see us succeed. Many of them are hanging around, waiting to see what’s going to happen next. Some are spies for our enemies, and others are place holders we use when we want someone to hang out with. If we are real with ourselves, we can admit that true friends care about us enough to challenge us. True friends call us to a higher standard and make us better people.
Here’s how you can tell if a person is a true friend:
- They require us to rise to a higher level.
- They demand we give our best to our dreams.
- They encourage and uplift us.
- They are not constantly running back telling us negative things other people have said about us.
- Real friends are not trying to compete with us.
- True friends tell us the truth even though it may be hard to hear and they tell us the truth with loving intentions.
We know when a person is telling us something to help us verses hurt us. When we hear hard things for the first time, even if it is in love, it may rub us the wrong way. But, we have to be man and woman enough to give ourselves time to process what they said and decide if it's something we should give a second look. Because, more often than not, what they are telling us is the truth. And it's a truth that we have tried to ignore. True friends would rather hurt your feelings in love than see you go out and make a fool of yourself. But a lot of us don’t want people around that will tell us the truth. We want amen corners. We want to be the bearers of truth, but we don't want to be the receptors of truth. If everyone in your circle agrees with you all the time, and you never hear, "no, or maybe you should rethink that idea," then you need to upgrade your circle.
Prime example, Robert Kelly, if you listen to interviews from people that have been around him, many of them said the same thing. He had a lot of “yes” people around him. People that would do whatever he wanted when he wanted. He didn’t have a lot of objective voices providing him with sound advice, now look where that got him. If you don’t know what’s going on with him, google it there’s a ton of info available. A quote by an unknown person says, “if you lose a friend because you are honest [they weren't] a good friend.” There’s no better time than today to get rid of the people that are not pushing you towards your dreams. This is the year we decide to do better and be better. For many of us, that starts with not returning some phone calls, text messages, blocking some people on social media, and completely disappearing from some folks. I’m not a fan of ghosting people, but some are just not worth the goodbye conversation. It’s okay to let people go that are not good for you.
Another sneaky dream killer that we encounter is DISBELIEF & UNBELIEF. I can not tell you the number of people that I have talked to that has a wealth of wisdom, great ideas, and talents that, for whatever reason, they are just sitting on. I mean people that could write books that would land on the “Times Best Seller” list, but they don’t believe it's possible or they don’t value their talent, so they don’t pursue it. They discredit their god-given talents and think no one would listen to them. But you would be surprised by the things people don't know. Just because something comes easy to you, or your idea seems minuscule, doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be valuable to someone else and change their lives. We don’t believe that we have anything to offer the world. We don’t believe we can actually be successful. We don’t think anyone needs what we have. Think about this, what if Maya Angelo thought the same way. What if Serena Williams shrunk back in her sister’s Venus shadow and thought, “She’s already great at tennis, surely I can't be good at it too.” What if Rihanna decided to past up the opportunity to create her make-up company Fendi? Seriously, we will never know the potential difference we could make, and the success we could have if we never try.
What is that thing that you know like the back of your hand? What’s that advice that everyone always comes to you about? What are you great at?
What can you do with your eyes closed that others view as an obstacle? I am not saying everyone needs to look to start a business or write a book. But what I am saying is you could be sitting on an idea that could change the world.
Truthfully, you will not have all of the answers in the beginning. It is not going to be easy getting started. You will hear more no's than yes' in the beginning. But, as you begin to pursue your dreams, you will find that the answers will come. I wrote a quote a while ago that says, “If you don’t give yourself a chance, it will never be your time.” I know a lot of us are wondering when is my time coming? When will the stars align in my favor? Will the universe ever make my dreams a reality? My question to you is, are you giving yourself a chance? Do you believe in you? Do you believe in your abilities? Are you dismissing what you are good at? Novelist Alice Walker says, "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any.” That starts with you valuing what you have enough to believe in yourself.
In 2016, I wrote this affirmation and I have reincorporated into my daily routine. It says,
I live a lifestyle that is sustainable.
All of my dreams are attainable.
I keep my focus on Christ who leads and guides me so my mistakes are minimal.
I cherish every moment of my life the good, bad, and ugly.
Every day I am alive, gives me an opportunity to become a better person.
I will not reduce my standards to fit someone else’s plans. I stand firm on my beliefs, therefore, I live a life free of guilt, shame, and filled with heavenly promises.
My path is sure, my confidence is contagious, and I never lose.
I use mistakes to show me better methods to accomplish my goals.
I have started back saying this to myself daily. The first step in getting rid of unbelief is to first change what we are telling ourselves. When those negative thoughts pop into our heads we have to combat them with something. It may not be a 10 sentence affirmation, but say something when the negativity comes to mind. Sometimes, that stuff comes out of nowhere. Like the other day, I was driving and a thought popped into my head and was like, maybe it’s time to quit the podcast. I mean, I wasn’t even thinking about this podcast. I admit, I entertained it for like five seconds. Then I was like, I have too much on the line, I have a vision for this podcast that far exceeds where it is right now. I am not going to quit. I cannot quit. I have too much in me to quit. If and when negative thoughts come, we must combat them with what we truly believe.
Distractions do not have to rule our lives. We do not have to give in to them. We do not have to bow down to them. One way to fight the dream killer DISTRACTION is to first determine what is taking away our focus.
This may take scheduling some "me" time, and this process should be on-going. It’s not something we can do once and think we have all the answers. I heard the CEO of Chick-fil-a Dan Cathy say, “Nothing nourishes the soul like solitude.” Schedule time weekly, or daily to reflect, game plan, and deal with your thoughts and emotions. Give it a try for two weeks.
Here's are some suggestions:
Schedule quiet time either in the morning or evening.
Plan to wake up 30 mins to an hour early, and designation that time for reflection and meditation. Here's another valuable tip, do it before you pick up your phone, turn on the TV or even get out of bed. I suggest using a pen and paper. Put a notepad near your bed, and when you wake up, grab it and jot down your thoughts. Try not to use your phone because you may get distracted by text and other notifications. Let’s go old school pen and paper. If you are not a morning person, use the time when you are in your car driving to and from work. Turn the radio off, turn the recorder on your phone, and start blabbing away. It’s okay to have your own therapy session many of us need it.
We can also use this time to plan our days. We need to make sure we are in control of our time and that our time is not controlling us. When we operate like that, we can find ourselves feeling scattered and all over the place. A quote from an unknown person says, “Without structure, focus is impossible.” Everyone needs organization or structure in our lives. We spend 8 -10 hours at work, building other people's dreams, why not give 1-2 hours of our time to our dream. Sacrifice a little time in the morning or in the evening to make sure we keep our dreams alive.
It is vitally important for us to fight our inner negative thoughts. Don’t allow negativity to go unchecked. Also, remove people that are not good for us. Even some of our jobs, if that job is not something you see yourself doing for the next ten years and you hate being there, use your scheduled quiet time to apply for new jobs. Don’t stay in a place that you hate. It does nothing, but tear you down and it’s not good for your soul.
Today’s take-away’s:
- Schedule regular personal quiet time to reflect and meditate on the things we desire.
- Determine what is and is not important by reevaluating our schedule and the people around us.
- Combat negativity with positivity all the time.
- If disbelief is an issue for you say what you want to see until you believe it.
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Music by: silencekills
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