Miles throws out his back again and sees an angel, while Bob almost gets caught in the crossfire in downtown Chicago.

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click a couple of things and uh bingo bango bongo and Irving we’re on the internets foreign What are you… This is Dr. Death. It’s more like choking on his own phlegm there for a second. I know. I know. More like, you know, gobs of snot. I know. I can’t stop it, man. Yeah, hell no. I know. Can’t help it. What’s wrong with you? Jeez Louise. I don’t know. You’d think you’d been sitting through a session with the Beatles. Christ. Mm-hmm. I tell you one story about the Beatles, which you refuse to look up. Paul is dead. Everybody knows that story. Everybody knows it. I told you one story, one story, and you got a little excited. It’s one story only, sir. One story. You seem to relate to it, which is funny because you’re like, oh, me and my friends, Kevin and Dave and Billy and
jr and steven and squirrel skippy and uh that’s right skippy and dougie yeah yeah i hear you exactly We’ll have, maybe we’ll talk about that on another time. Okay. All good. All good. All good, Bob. All good. All right. So I’m here with Da tonight. Da. Yeah. He’s gone very, what do you want to call it? Existential or something. Yes. Something or another. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. Making up words. Welcome, everybody, to the show. It’s been a week. You haven’t heard from us. You’re wondering what’s going on. You’re like, how could this world be any better? Oh, wait. I’ll listen to the show with Static Radio with Bob Miles. And it’ll be better. So I went to Chicago this last week. Yeah. You were very cryptic. Yes. And so, yeah, I was in Chicago for a few days in downtown and I had, you know, it was a good time. Good time was had by all for the most part, you know, between the, between the traffic and, you know, the crush of humanity and,
And the yelling and screaming. It was a good time. Did you go to Twin Anchors? No, I did not. Where’s Twin Anchors at, anyway? It’s like an old town up there by Lincoln Park. Oh, okay. No, I was in the loop. I was down… I was about a few blocks off Michigan Avenue. Mm-hmm. So… I don’t think that’s anywhere near Lincoln Park, is it? Probably not. Yeah. So why were you there? Why? Secret business. Okay. Can’t talk about it. All right. You won’t talk about it? Yeah, okay. All right. All right, asshole. Yeah, okay. Get it. All right. No, my wife had to be there for her work, and so I just tagged along and went. Yeah. oh i’m like oh i’ll go sure why not i won’t tell my boss. I’ll just go yeah i i don’t tell them anything. on other days why would i tell them about this right yeah why not yeah why what what is that whose concern is that of anyone’s? Uh, my concern. Well, you’re because you’re a little and you’re like, hey you’re getting away with something. Yeah.
I don’t like people that work the system. I don’t. You are a person that works the system. That is your MO. I know. You are a total system worker. I’m trying to push the button. You’ve got a T-shirt and everything. You’ve got a card-carrying member. Oh, free parking. Yeah, I’d take some free parking. What do I got to do? Yeah, I don’t care. I give you whatever you want in the store. Take it for free. Don’t matter to me. That’s right. Don’t be joking. As long as I get for me. Don’t hate. Don’t hate. So, no, we were down… And I happened to send you… There was a shooting downtown Chicago, and I was, like, not that far from it. Right. So… This was a big weekend in Chicago. They lit the Christmas tree down there by the Bean. What’s it called over there? I don’t know. It’s Sunset Park. What is the name of that? Yeah, it’s called Flickin’ the Bean. Flickin’ the Bean, yeah. It’s Dave, you know. Oh, what the fuck is it? Yeah, there’s Millennium Park. Millennium Park, that’s it. Yeah, I know Chicago. You don’t, yeah. I know. I don’t go that often. You’re much more versed in Chicago-ese or whatever. I want to learn.
Yeah. And so I, um, so we were down a couple blocks off michigan avenue friday night they’re gonna light the christmas tree. We actually went out to dinner, uh, right there nearby, right around the corner. And, um, and luckily i suppose we went back and by the time the shooting happened, I was asleep So I didn’t hear anything. I didn’t see anything. Even though eight people were shot. Yeah, eight people were shot. Like within a stone’s throw of where I was sleeping. I was Sergeant Schultz. I knew nothing. I had actually seen this on the news prior to you announcing that you were close to the action. Yeah, no, it was weird. I had taken a picture, which I sent to you. Uh, it was right outside the Chicago theater. Uh, which I was, I was, I just, I’m like, Oh, this is neat picture. I’ll take this picture. You know, like less than eight hours ahead of this whole event taking place. I mean, tons of people out on the street, tons of people. We had, we had dinner and then we headed back, you know, and we were probably back in our room, you know, by eight something, whatever it was. Sure. And then the shooting happened at 10 and I was already conked out. But, uh,
Yeah, it’s those weird happenstances in life because I think we literally walked past the area where everything transpired. We walked through that area just a couple hours ahead of it, right? Right. So, yeah, that was weird. So then I wake up on Saturday morning. My wife’s like, hey, there was a shooting downstairs. Right. True, true, true. I’m like, what? I mean, that is the oddest feeling, right? It was. yeah i’m like really oh good i mean i so she had to work and i kind of just, you know bopped around for a couple days and so i walked through that area. I don’t know how many times. Wow. You know, and even that, that day she had to go do stuff and i walked right down there. Everything was all done. I mean, there was, it was like, as if nothing happened, the street was full of people, you know, Hey, last night, several people got shot here on the sidewalk.
there was no, you know, uh, police tape or any, you know, crime scene, silhouette things on the pavement or anything. It was just, it was like, as if nothing happened, Bob’s going around picking up bullet casings. What’s this? Yeah. This would be cool. Key chain. Um, yeah, nothing, you know, nothing out of the ordinary happening in that area. Cause I, I did walk around there because actually, uh, we parked not too far from that location too. So, yeah. Right. Uh, just a weird, odd experience. I don’t think I’ve, I’m trying to, well, other than in college when the lady got kidnapped from behind my apartment. Yeah. That’s probably the other closest to when, you know I I you know, the next, later that day or something, I get this knock on the door and i answer the door and it’s a cop. He’s like, Hey, where were you last night? You know? And I’m like, I was here. And he’s like, did you hear anything you know weird because this woman got kidnapped in this parking lot. because I used to live, I lived basically on the strip in carvondale uh, whenever that meant something so yeah
that was weird. So, but that’s not the only weird thing that happened, believe it or not. Okay. Yeah. Prior to that, I don’t think these two things are, are tied together in any way, shape or form. So prior to that on Friday, I was, you know, you know, peddling around. Yeah. And it, you know, Chicago’s a big city packed full of people, especially down in that area. and christmas time yeah the christmas village is right there, uh, close by and the um uh macy’s right there chicago theater the nita lander theater, um, all these places to go, all these shops and businesses and everything. So it’s just constantly full of people. So I am, uh, walking, i’m waiting, you know, to get across the street, like a good citizen yeah and i start walking.
And this guy, I’m almost across the street, and this guy’s coming towards me in a black coat with a black hat. Okay. Like a fedora or something? Yes, like a fedora. Like a nice hat. Yeah, you’re screwed. Oh, man. And he comes right up to me. Yeah. I’m just crossing the street. Yeah. He comes straight up to me and says, I want to guess what he says to me. Would you like to make $5 the hard way? No, no. Um, it wasn’t anything untoward. At least I don’t think I’m going to say it. I don’t think it’s anything untoward. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. He goes, are you Jewish? Yeah. Ooh, yikes. He was a very Orthodox-looking Jewish man. Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. All right. And he comes up to me, and he’s like, are you Jewish? And I go, no. No, I’m a sugar man. Sugar. And then he goes, oh, and he walks on. Ignition the nuts. Yeah, no, he didn’t. I was like, does this happen every day down here?
Yeah. Most people avoid me. Yeah, I would too. I’d be like, who’s that? Stomping around. Looked like the penguin. Well, at least he didn’t ask what was the frequency, Kenneth. That’s true. Punched you in the face. Yeah. What happened to Dan Rather? Yeah. No, but just on the streets, I guess I must look Jewish the other day. No, no, no. Yeah, I was like, that’s, I’ve never, actually, that’s not true. I have been asked that before, so that’s not totally true. I think i’ve been asked that more than once. Well, you don’t have a curly hair anymore, so that’s all i mean it still is curly, but not like it was, yeah. Yeah, you’re missing, like, a lot of hair now. Yeah, I’m missing a lot of hair. I’m like a dandelion like if you’re like a
You’re like an alopecia person with like more complicated. Thank you. Thank you. You know, but my hair, the hair that I have is curly. I kind of look like a, uh, I look like Teller if he was Penn. Yeah. Okay. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. There’s something to that. Huh? Um, yeah. So anyway, that was a a tree about, like, I was totally confused. And then i was like, is that a code word for something did i just agree to anything did i not agree? Was he going to hand me a million dollars? I mean, what’s the nowadays? I don’t know how to answer that i’d be like i no yeah i just kind of waved him off, you know? And then, he probably didn’t see any tattoos. So he’s like, okay, well maybe he’s not. Okay. that was cold. I was wearing a big coat i mean wearing your wife’s park? I was wearing a pink, uh puffy jacket. I don’t know. White collar white, you know fluffy collar yeah yeah with some fur around the faux fur. Yeah. Like mittens on strings. You’re walking around yeah i was skipping guys.
i looked like uh you know, Angelina when she was 80 or something yeah something like that did he talk about, let me tell you something? Did he talk like that at all or no no well he said it so quickly, I almost didn’t pick up on like no hey hey are you jewish that was uh yeah that was great and then we had this weird uh you answered them I said no. I said no, but that was my reflex there in the city. Anybody ask me anything, I say no. Yeah, no. Because who knows what they’re doing. They’re asking for money. I don’t know what they’re doing. I just wave them off, and then I keep walking. Let me clue you in. That’s your response to everyone you don’t know, regardless of Chicago or St. Louis or wherever the F you are. It’s all no. No. No. That’s right. No. They can give me money. No. No. No.
So, yeah, I just kept going. But we had a… My wife and I went to lunch one day when we first got there. We went to a place called Nando’s. I don’t know, do you know Nando’s at all? No. So Nando’s is very popular over in the United Kingdom. Okay. And it’s a chicken place. They make peri-peri chicken, which is kind of hot chicken. And we went to Nando’s in… London when we visited London a number of years ago. And I liked it. It was really good. So I was like, hey, there’s Nando’s here. We should go to Nando’s because you can’t go, right? Because there’s not a lot of them in the States. So I go to Nando’s for lunch. It’s not like an upscale or anything. It’s kind of like fast food, but not, you know, not McDonald’s kind of fast food, but like, you know, Chipotle, Qdoba kind of fast food. And so we go…
to the Nando’s and we’re like, okay, this is great. And then they like want you to wait to be seated. And we’re like, that’s fine. So we wait, lady comes up very uninterested in working person, obviously from her facial expressions, she did not want to be there. Right. And she’s like, you know, two or whatever. Yeah. Two. So she takes us over, she sets us down and she’s like, scan the QR code to order what and pay no no yeah like I’m like, okay, I’m game for that, right? I don’t care and so but no other explanation. That was literally it they’re gonna get into your phone now. No, they’re not gonna get into my phone. Yeah, you’re gonna have Nando’s all over your dirtiness.
my dirtiness. So we’re like, okay. And so we ordered and my wife orders, we ordered separately because her lunch was getting paid for and mine wasn’t so right we had to order separately. So I, she orders hers. I order mine. And like a second later, this lady drops off a cup so she can go get her drink. And then i’m sitting there and i’m waiting. and I’m waiting and I’m waiting. No, no cup for my drink oh so I just get tired of waiting and I said some cups up there. So I just go grab one oh oh oh I get myself a drink. Oh no. I paid for a drink. And so then I’m sitting there yeah I can my drink and the lady comes over with another glass.
Oh. Yeah, and she’s like, she kind of gives me the cross-eye, but doesn’t say anything. Yeah. And so then I got my drink, and then they show up with my wife’s food, and it was complete. The order was complete. And then they show up with my food, and they only gave me half of it. We ate it. Yeah. So then my wife goes up, and she’s like, he didn’t get all his. And so then the guy goes, oh, yeah, okay. And then he brings out the rest of my food. Yeah. It was the most – bizarre random disjointed meal i’ve ever had. I mean, I started eating what i got and i’m like, well, it should be called natas yeah exactly yeah it was really good. I love, and we got the medium, which i should have got the hot because it definitely wasn’t hot enough for us. Yeah.
but got the medium and yeah, it was, and I, and I got these, uh, wings and I was supposed to get six wings in the Perry Perry stuff. And they were the tiniest things. They were like smaller than my thumb. Oh, geez. I’m like baby chickens. But then I got like 10 of them. I don’t know if in the back, they’re like, Oh, these are too damn small. We’re just going to give them a bunch more. Right. And rat or something. It could have been for all I know. You’re right. It could have been, Squab. I don’t know what it was, but it was tasting great. So, yeah, that was weird. Just a totally weird no no hard no experience but you should nando’s was really tasty so i would suggest going if you like peri-peri chicken yeah it was very tasty. It was very busy yeah but don’t expect a lot of uh if you’ve never been there before and don’t know what you’re getting, you know, maybe just
go to the counter or something. because they don’t want to help you at the table. So are you supposed to tip? I mean, pretty much you’re doing all the work are you not i mean you know yeah no they had, of course, every place has got a effing tip nowadays. What are you talking about? Everybody wants a tip yeah you tip at the pay at the pump for christ’s sake they’re oh you want to tip? I’m like, I’m pumping my own gas. I’m not tipping. No, come on. But it’s almost that bad. It really is almost that bad. No, I hate gimmicky shit like that. That’s just stupid. No, I would suggest, yeah, so go to Nando’s, get to bed early if you’re in downtown Chicago because the shooting starts around 10. Yeah, when it gets dark out, I would suggest getting back in the fucking hotel. Wow. Yeah. Luckily, we were on the 12th floor, so the chances of that bullet making it in our room was slim to none.
You didn’t tell the funniest part though. What was the funniest part? You texted me like, Oh my God, there was a shooting right by my hotel. Oh, what do I write back? Cool. Well, that’s not the nice response. I go, I don’t think that was the word I would use. Yeah. Like, well, what are you expecting? You know, you’re like, cool. And I’m like, not cool. So I ended up like John Lennon, for God’s sakes. Jesus. Had I been on a reservation for our dinner, had I made it a little bit later, we would have been in the mix. Yep. Not going to get Nando’s because we’re dead. Well, no, Nando’s was the lunch thing. Dinner was a whole other thing. Yeah. Rainforest. Dinner, they cram you in. They charge you crazy amounts of money. They cram you in so they can get the most people in the restaurant. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah.
I’m definitely, you know, I don’t, I love to go visit the big city as it were. I’m not a big city living person. I love my, I love the space everywhere. I have a space. I could drive a hundred miles an hour. Nobody gives a shit. You know, I can get anywhere I want to go in 10 minutes most days. Uh, right. You know, That’s my – I love living like that. Right. Yeah. So what’s going on with you besides – I love violence, and I think shootings are cool. Well, I didn’t have a cool story, but I had to scratch. I was actually going to go to the suburbs, and I scratched because – I know you were going to be up there. My wife’s like, do you want to see if Miles wants to meet you for lunch on Saturday? I go –
No, no, there’s no number one. He’s going to be late and then it’s going to throw my whole day off. Yeah. Yeah. I’ve been thinking over twin acres. As soon as, as soon as the, he heard about the shooting, he’d run. I’d go see it. Yeah. Yeah. I’m sure you would. Yeah. So we were like, yeah, it looked like that fat fuck over there. Shoot him. My dad’s from the city, man. He was, I know, I know, I know he, he swam naked. in public schools. He did. True. And he was friends with a, uh, uh, accused, uh, serial killers. So there you go. Yeah. But anyway, I digress. So I was looking at you. Anyhow, they didn’t have jerky together. I don’t know what that was about. Um, so I was supposed to go get autographs and I fucked up my back really bad about a week ago. Oh,
Can you tell me what number is this? Like if we had a tally on. All I was doing, I was just bending over. All I was doing was I was listening to the White Album, pleasuring myself. I did. I did. No. No, I went on for several days. And so I’d taken the day off. And I’m like, screw it. I got to see a doctor, man. There’s no way I can’t go to Chicago. Cannot. And, uh, back, I swear to God, for a guy who never had, has ever done any kind of physical labor in his life, the hardest job you had prior now to your current job was putting stickers up for a security company. That was a lot of work yeah it didn’t hurt your back no no no whatever i used to backyard wrestle a lot so yeah and uh
So guy in the neighborhood, he paid me $20 up on this table and break my back. I, uh, so my, my, of course I knew my doctor. I wouldn’t see my regular doctor cause it was too much. Dr. Mark. Mark, you always get that wrong. Dr. Mark. And then, uh, so they’re like, well, we have a doctor, uh, you know, who, who, who I don’t, I don’t care. I don’t care. If you had a doctor named who, who you’d be right in there. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it could be Mangala just so long as there’s a doctor, I got to see him, man. Like, I don’t care. I don’t care. I just need drugs. I know. And, uh, so they’re like, so, uh, I go in there and I was in so much pain. I didn’t like, I usually go around, act like an asshole and go in there. And because, you know, the nurses got to take your temperature, you know, weigh you in and all that. And I,
I’m usually making jokes. I did not make one joke. The lady was very down to business. Very nice, but down to business. I’m like, okay. She goes, Miles, you’re not going to ask me to do it anally? Not today. No, I’m not in the mood. You seem to be in the right posture for it. Yeah. Right. Oh, y’all bent over. You’re all bent over. He’s posing. He’s presenting. And so it’s like, well, Dr. Who, who’s going to be in a minute here? And she has a student, and is that okay if the student comes in? I say, I don’t know. Because my regular doctor, it is not unusual for him to have, like, some student with him. And the student, like, usually never says a whole lot. You know, they just sit there and grab, like, a clipboard and act like they’re listening and like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Okay, well, no big deal, right? So wait a couple minutes. The door opens. I swear the song Dreamweaver came in over my head. Oh, my God. It looked like the lead singer from the Soap Girls. Oh, my God. I’m like, oh, my freaking God. Who is this? Hi, I’m Jennifer, the student. Oh, my god i’m like oh you’re back healed. My gonadal region is swelling bad. And she’s like that’s not any of the textbooks. Yeah. She’s asked me all these questions like, what? You have the bluest eyes i’ve ever seen. And, uh, unbelievable. No, I mean, what uh good looking woman. She’s like, she’s counting your chins. One, two, three. One, two. And, uh, you know, I’m telling her this and, you know, she’s like, Oh, I go, yeah, I went to the chiropractor a little bit. Oh, well, this doctor is going to tell you not to do that anymore. Oh yeah. The chiropractor fucked up your back. No, no. I mean, I got some minimal relief, but I mean, nothing. It didn’t,
quite get it, you know what I’m saying? Well, I always keep telling him not to go to the chiropractor. Yeah, he’s a nice kid. He’s a good kid. I just love giving money to people. That’s what I like to do. I just throw it around. I complain I don’t have enough, but I just give it to anyone. Oh, I got plenty. Don’t worry. And so she does whatever they do with asking these questions and stuff like that. You mentioned something like, well, maybe you can have like a muscle relaxer or something. I’m like, okay. And so like Dr. Who, who comes in and it’s pretty much, you know, she was nice, but someone down to business. I’m like, okay, well, Jennifer’s telling me everything I need to know about you. Okay. What’s that impersonation or what? No, I just, I just had some, my throat. So anyway, um,
I was like, no, Jennifer’s telling me all about it, and you’re going to be okay, and this and that. Don’t go to the chiropractor. Don’t be an idiot. No, she did not say that. She did not say that. Jennifer said this. Oh, okay. Gotcha. And so we wrap it up, and I’m like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wasn’t there some talk about some muscle relaxers or something? Uh-huh. Oh, well, I guess we can. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Go ahead. She pulls them out of her pocket. Yeah. No, I had to go get it. They’re all lint covered. There you go. I was trying to think of now, if I need to come back in the next few hours, are you two going to be here? Or at least Jennifer, is she going to be here? If I need to have a follow-up question, it just comes to me here.
Yeah, I’ve got a lot of questions. So if I had to come back in a couple hours, would that be okay with some roses? I’ve got some memory problems. Is it okay if I take your picture so I remember who you are? I know. I was thinking that. I was like, how do I take a picture without looking like a weirdo? I mean, I’m like, oh. Oh, I don’t know how to work this thing. Is it front camera, back camera, whatever? Yeah, right. Am I FaceTiming? What’s going on? Yeah, right. I’m like, oh, boy. Oh, boy. I didn’t. I didn’t, but man, I would dead ring her for this singer. I’m like, oh my God. Is that the lady who gets topless? One of the soap girls? I saw her sister topless. I did not see her topless though. Oh, really? I thought they both got topless. I don’t know. I know they have, they do, but this one did not, no. Oh, okay. Just checking. But I saw them a couple of years ago.
But the other one had no problem. Like whoop, whoop. Carpenter’s dream. Holy cow. And yeah, so there you go. So how’s your back today? Hurts. Have you been taking your muscle relaxers? Yeah, sparingly, sparingly. I just take a little half. Have you been back to your chiropractor? No. Good. Yeah, don’t do that. That’s bad for you. Yeah, I don’t know. We got to release the humors. I don’t know. Yeah, he’s a nice kid. I don’t want to, you know. You seem to be a little stiff in the front, too. Yeah, oh, well, I just saw Jennifer. Yeah, what the fuck? Oh, my God. I wonder people don’t want to go into the medical profession. A bunch of weirdos, right?

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