With U Podcast

As we continue our Four Cornerstones series, we'll explore two more key ideas in developing healthy relationships: Language & Meaning.

First, we look at language. (Why does swearing in another language seem less offensive?) How do the words we use shape our behavior and our thoughts? How can we choose words that strengthen our relationships and enhance our view of others?

In case those questions aren't big enough, we tackle the meaning of life. Or really, how finding shared meaning with another person can help overcome our differences. Even if that shared meaning comes from getting emotional at a junior high orchestra concert.

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produced by Zach Van Dyke

cover art photo: Lennon Wall in Prague, Czech Republic

There are a few key concepts that we find to be foundational to a life of healthy relationships. We call these concepts our Four Cornerstones.

In this episode, we’ll talk about two of them. First, hear about how we got lost on a family road trip to Colorado. Perspective asks the question, Where are we? Zooming out, getting the big picture and context around the problem or relationship can go a long way. Second, how do you make sense of a toddler meltdown in the grocery store? Understanding Development helps us have reasonable expectations for what is possible in the relationship.

“As I look back, God has brought me to places that seem disconnected but now make sense.”

Many people fear change, and struggle to understand how the disjointed pieces of their lives will fit together to make a whole. So we were excited to learn from our friend Joel Morris about how he has navigated massive vocational and geographical changes in his life.

When David and Joel got to know each other at a conference, they skipped all the small talk and went straight to theology, life’s purpose, and the metaverse! We had one chance to record with Joel while he was visiting the U.S., and Tara was called to attend a birth during that time. So David & Joel had a great afternoon exploring ideas around career, God’s guidance, and life transitions.

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Dr. Joel Morris is the Executive Director of Union Foundation, overseeing the strategic and operational direction of the organization. He is a leader and trustee of Grace Community Church, Porthcawl. He has been a missionary working in 28 countries with Operation Mobilization before obtaining a doctorate and beginning a career in Materials Engineering which took him from Aerospace to the Nuclear sector.

Prior to joining Union, he was Assistant Professor at the Seoul National University in South Korea. He has extensive experience in bringing technology research to market, and in creating industrially sponsored University projects. He also started his own company specializing in aerospace technology, spun out of Swansea University.  Joel is married to Hyelim and they have three children.

Joel’s Books:

Big Hearted: Are You Giving Happily or Hesitantly?

Revolutionary God: How Knowing Him Changes Everything.

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produced by Zach Van Dyke

There's no skipping past the weird and wild time of adolescence. Understanding and appreciating teenagers will go a long way toward connecting well with them. This is a subject we love, so we talk about the biology of adolescence, and share some of our own teenage mishaps and parenting wins and fails.

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For more about the amazingness of teenagers, don't miss our previous episode with Mark Oestreicher, Wonders to Behold. 

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produced by Zach Van Dyke

"Do you see teenagers as a problem to be solved or as a wonder to behold? If we're really honest, most people see teenagers as broken and incapable. And I just don't see them that way. I see them as amazing."

Let’s talk about teenagers! We worked with Marko in youth ministry when we were newlyweds and we learned a lot about approaching teens with playfulness and respect. We love the way Marko changes the narrative about adolescence.

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Mark Oestreicher (Marko) is a veteran youth worker and founding partner in The Youth Cartel, providing resources, training and coaching for church youth workers. The author of more than 70 books, Marko is a sought-after speaker, writer and consultant. Marko lives in San Diego with his wife Jeannie and has two young adult kids, Riley and Max.

Twitter: @markosbeard

Marko’s web page

A Parent's Guide to Understanding Teenage Brains: Why They Act the Way They Do

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produced by Zach Van Dyke

Marriage & Family Therapy is a way of looking at problems, solutions, and healing relationally instead of just individually. I (David) didn’t start out wanting to be a therapist, but life led toward a career that authentically fits with how I’m wired. I believe we are all created for relationship, and that we thrive when our relationships are healthy. That’s why I love working as a Marriage & Family Therapist, and why I train new clinicians to do the same.

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David’s training on his path to becoming an LMFT: B.A, Psychology, Wheaton College, Wheaton IL | M.S., Marriage & Family Therapy, Fuller Theological Seminary, Pasadena CA | Ph.D., Child & Family Development, University of Georgia, Athens GA

David currently sees clients and supervises students at the Center for Family and Relational Health in Wheaton IL.

He is program director of the M.A. in Marriage & Family Therapy, Wheaton College, Wheaton IL.

See Therapist Locator to find a trained clinician near you.

“MFTs are unique because they are trained in both psychotherapy and family systems, which allows them to focus on understanding client symptoms in the context of the relational interactions that influence behavior. The problem does not define the client but rather is a symptom of his or her system.”

Read more about the difference between MFT and other disciplines here.

Produced by Zach Van Dyke

What does a birth doula do? Is it all about fetching ice chips and giving back rubs? After attending hundreds of births, I (Tara) am convinced the magic is in the continuous care. Families welcoming a new baby need someone they can count on to guide them through the unknowns of labor and birth. I found my dream job when I became a doula. I'm excited to tell you more about my path to birth work and why I believe support makes such a difference to help families start strong.

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Tara trained to become a childbirth educator and birth doula with ICEA (International Childbirth Education Association). She offers doula services and prenatal coaching through Family First Birth Services and With U Parenting. 

Find birth or postpartum doulas in your area (US) by searching Doulamatch.

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produced by Zach Van Dyke

"Trust was not something that we had automatically. I remember constantly thinking and analyzing people. Are they the ones that I should trust or not? Are they safe or not safe? And not safe can mean you're not going to be able to study all the way to you will go through severe persecution to the point of death."

We talk to Emöke, our friend and David's colleague about growing up under communist times in Hungary. She shares about how she finds hope in really dark times.

Emöke Tapolyai is a clinical pastoral counselor and executive coach. She received her M.A. in clinical pastoral counseling from Ashland Theological Seminary, and is working on her PhD at the University of South Africa. She is the founder and director of Kandela Psychological and Coaching Center in Budapest. She is the mother of 5 children and grandmother of 1 beautiful little girl. Listen to more of her thoughts about hope here.

Produced by Zach Van Dyke

Learn more about what we do at With U Projects.

It's time to get personal. Get to know us better as Clare asks some personal questions. We'll talk about how we met, our favorite insults, and more!

Produced by Zach Van Dyke.

Check out our website for more about what we do.

We are constantly surprised by each others needs and the challenges between being together and having time apart.  What we have learned is that a sense of safety and security provides space for us to grow individually and together.  

We hope that as we all talk about relationships we will enjoy each other more, laugh a bit more, and increase our curiosity about those around us.

Stay tuned, full episodes will be dropping soon.

Tara is a certified birth doula, child birth educator, mother of 4 adult children, and gets to be with David most every day.

David is a marriage & family therapist, professor, father of 4 adult children, and thankful for Tara's sense of humor and willingness to play.