With U Podcast

What if emotions aren’t just something we feel on our own, but something we do—together? In this episode, we sit down with Batja Mesquita, author of Between Us: How Cultures Create Emotions, to explore the idea of emotions as not just internal experiences, but relational ones. Drawing from cross-cultural research and personal stories, Batja challenges the Western idea that emotions live solely inside us, waiting to be expressed. Instead, she paints a richer, more connected picture—one where emotions are shaped between people, and deeply influenced by the cultural worlds we live in.

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Batja Mesquita is a social psychologist, an affective scientist, and a pioneer of cultural psychology. She is a professor of psychology at the University of Leuven, Belgium, and director of the Center for Social and Cultural Psychology at the University of Leuven. Mesquita is one of the world’s leading authorities on the psychological study of cultural differences in emotions. Her most recent research focuses on the role of emotions in multicultural societies. She studies how emotions affect the belonging of minoritized youth in middle schools, and the social and economic integration of “newcomers” (i.e. newly arrived immigrants). Mesquita has been a consultant for UNICEF and the WHO, and most recently, she was a member of the core group of scientific advisors for the Happiness and Well-being (SEH) Project, and initiative of the Vatican in partnership with the UN Sustainable Development Solutions Network (SDSN).

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Discover more about Batja Mesquita and her work on her website: BatjaMesquita.com

Find the book Batja mentions about the story of her mother’s time of hiding from the Nazis during World War II — The Cut Out Girl: A Story of War and Family, Lost and Found by Bart van Es

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Produced by Zach Van Dyke

What makes a relationship healthy—and what signals that something might be off? In this episode, we dive into the essential topics of red flags, boundaries, and deal-breakers. We talk about how clear, healthy boundaries create safety, build trust, and protect love—not restrict it. We also explore the warning signs that a relationship may need help, and the serious signals that indicate deeper problems. This conversation will help you ask the right questions about your relationship, recognize unhealthy patterns, and know when it’s time to seek support.

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Check out our conversation about the elements of a healthy lasting committed relationship in the episode from 2023 titled, "Top 10 Things We've Learned about Lasting Love"

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Produced by Zach Van Dyke

Busted! Top 5 Relationship Myths

What if the relationship advice you believed was actually hurting your connection? We’re calling out the lies we’ve been told about love, like “fighting = failure” and “compromise always means 50/50.” This week we’ll take a look at some common myths about relationships, and identify what’s realistic, what’s red-flag material, and what actually leads to real connection.

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If you liked our guidelines for healthy conflict, take a listen to past episode “Cheers to Healthy Communication”

See also one of our all-time most popular episodes, “Top Ten Lessons We’ve Learned About Lasting Love”

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Produced by Zach Van Dyke

While seasons of waiting are universal, they’re rarely easy. Why does uncertainty feel so stressful? What makes waiting so uncomfortable? And more importantly—how do we live well when the outcome is still unknown? In this episode, we explore the emotional and spiritual tension of living between hopefulness and helplessness. We discuss the differences between passive and active waiting, and offer gentle practices for the in-between times: rhythms to nourish your soul, glimmers of joy to help you stay grounded, and anchors of meaning to keep you steady. 

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produced by Zach Van Dyke

Do you ever feel like the cultural pressure to stay busy pushes you to your tipping point? In light of our own experience living on the edge, we discuss finding the balance between productivity and wellbeing. We share personal anecdotes about the simpler, less hurried times in our lives and discuss strategies for mitigating the sense of rush, such as focusing on fewer things, working at a natural pace, and prioritizing quality. We also highlight the significance of rhythms, such as regular walks and meals with family and friends, in maintaining balance.

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Books mentioned:

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry: How to Stay Emotionally Healthy and Spiritually Alive in the Chaos of the ModernWorld by John Mark Comer

Slow Productivity: The Lost Art of Accomplishment Without Burnout by Cal Newport

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Produced by Zach Van Dyke

Whether you're continents apart or just living on different schedules, long-distance love can bring its own struggles and strengths to a relationship. In this episode, we share personal stories from our own seasons of separation, surviving on handwritten letters that took weeks to arrive. We explore the value of intentional communication, the risk of growing too used to separate rhythms, and the often-overlooked challenge of reintegration after time apart. Whether you're currently navigating distance or just want to strengthen connection from wherever you are, this conversation offers honest reflections and hopeful takeaways for every couple.

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The excerpt from “Long Distance” (1941) was produced by Audio Productions and AT&T Licensed under Creative Commons

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Produced by Zach Van Dyke

Where do you go to gather? This week we're diving into the idea of “third places”—those everyday gathering spots that create space for connection, conversation, and community.

We start by reflecting on where we used to hang out as kids (baseball fields or malls, anyone?), then explore the sociological roots of the term coined by Ray Oldenburg. Third places—like libraries, parks, and coffee shops—are neutral, welcoming, and unstructured, offering room to just be with others. They're not just nice-to-haves; they're vital for emotional health, belonging, and the social glue that holds communities together.

We share stories of some of our favorite third spaces—from stroller walks in the mall to thermal baths in Hungary—and ask why these spaces seem to be disappearing... and why we need them more than ever.

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"Third Places, True Citizen Spaces" in the UNESCO Courier, 22 March 2023

Finlay J, Esposito M, Kim MH, Gomez-Lopez I, Clarke P. Closure of 'third places'? Exploring potential consequences for collective health and wellbeing. Health Place. 2019 Nov;60:102225. doi: 10.1016/j.healthplace.2019.102225. Epub 2019 Oct 14. PMID: 31622919; PMCID: PMC6934089.

Sones M, Holden M, Kestens Y, King AC, Rennie M, Winters M. (Dis)connected by design? Using participatory citizen science to uncover environmental determinants of social connectedness for youth in under-resourced neighbourhoods. BMC Public Health. 2024 Nov 11;24(1):3104. doi: 10.1186/s12889-024-20597-4. PMID: 39529084; PMCID: PMC11552136.

In this episode, we explore why real, face-to-face conversation feels harder than ever — and why it still matters so much. We reflect on the dying art of meaningful dialogue, and share why David’s teenage prank phone calls might have actually helped him practice tools for conversation. Whether you’re looking to connect more deeply or just get past awkward small talk, this episode offers thoughtful insights and practical tips to help you engage with others in a more curious, connected, and balanced way.

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We'd love a conversation with you! Find us on Instagram at @withuprojects or email us at [email protected].

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Produced by Zach Van Dyke

Parenting doesn’t stop when our children become adults — it just changes, sometimes in ways no one prepares us for. In this episode we are joined by longtime friends Adi and Ema Ban, who share both personal experience and professional insight from their work in marriage and family ministry in Romania. Together, they explore the tender and often challenging transition from raising children to releasing them — navigating shifting roles, unspoken expectations, cultural nuances, and the deep desire to stay connected while giving space. We reflect together on what it means to parent with open hands and open hearts, and how to keep growing as a couple through every season of family life.

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Adrian (Adi) and Ema Ban have been married for 30 years and are parents to 3 sons: Andy (married to Ema), Eduard, and Thomas (engaged to Ellie). They are marriage counselors living in Oradea, Romania, with over 22 years of experience counseling and mentoring couples. Adi and Ema are Wheaton College alumni and authors of the book I Want to Get Married (Scriptum, 2011) along with David and Claudia Arp. Sufletul Familiei (The Soul of the Family) is their most recent initiative. The podcast, which they co-host, is meant to encourage and mentor families.

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Tune into more of what David and Tara are working on at www.withuprojects.com

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Produced by Zach Van Dyke

Whether hospital candy striping, cub scout camping, youth sport coaching, or 5K fundraising, our vision for volunteering is about building community, character, and connection. In this conversation, we share our earliest (and most memorable) volunteer moments, how service shaped our marriage, and why we keep saying yes to unpaid work. Whether it’s for a one-time event or a long-term commitment, we believe showing up and sharing your skills is always worth it.---

* here's a great way to volunteer today: take a moment to rate & review the podcast! :)

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produced by Zach Van Dyke