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Women Approaching Men: Why It Usually Backfires [Ep 130]
Women Approaching Men: Why It Usually Backfires
Should women approach men? John and Nicole break down why women making the first move almost always kills attraction — even when the guy would have pursued her anyway. This is the raw, unfiltered truth about pursuing, chasing, and why men are wired the way they are whether they admit it or not.
From nightclub stories to dorm room disasters, John gets uncomfortably honest about women who pursued him hard — and how it instantly killed his attraction. Nicole shares her own experiences shooting her shot, what actually worked, and the subtle moves women can make instead that signal interest without scaring a guy off or handing over all the power.
In This Episode
- Men are natural pursuers — even if they complain about it, taking away the chase kills attraction
- Women approaching men can work, but it's the exception, not the rule
- Subtle signals like eye contact, proximity, and positioning are far more effective than direct approaches
- What makes something creepy isn't your looks — it's insulating yourself from rejection
- Bold action is always hotter than covert, low-risk moves, especially for men
- If women approach too aggressively, they risk setting a masculine-feminine dynamic they don't actually want
- Women should make themselves approachable, not do the approaching
- Men need to stop letting fear of rejection paralyze them — just go talk to her
Timestamps
0:00 — Kissing Strangers in Nightclubs Cold Open
4:19 — Nicole's Experience Approaching Guys
8:03 — What Women Should Do Instead of Approaching
10:05 — The Difference Between Creepy and Bold
14:01 — Navigating Groups and Breaking Away From Friends
17:05 — What Makes an Approach Creepy vs. Confident
20:03 — The Art of the Bold Move
25:43 — Masculine vs. Feminine Energy in Dating Dynamics
31:03 — Why Men Need to Be Pushed to Step Up
36:46 — Don't Go On Dates You're Not Ready For
39:41 — The Becky Story: When Women Come On Too Strong
43:13 — Final Advice and Wrap-Up
Connect
🎙 Full show notes & resources
📺 YouTube
📷 Instagram: @betterthanperfectpodcast
View all episodes
By Nicole and John SonmezWomen Approaching Men: Why It Usually Backfires
Should women approach men? John and Nicole break down why women making the first move almost always kills attraction — even when the guy would have pursued her anyway. This is the raw, unfiltered truth about pursuing, chasing, and why men are wired the way they are whether they admit it or not.
From nightclub stories to dorm room disasters, John gets uncomfortably honest about women who pursued him hard — and how it instantly killed his attraction. Nicole shares her own experiences shooting her shot, what actually worked, and the subtle moves women can make instead that signal interest without scaring a guy off or handing over all the power.
In This Episode
- Men are natural pursuers — even if they complain about it, taking away the chase kills attraction
- Women approaching men can work, but it's the exception, not the rule
- Subtle signals like eye contact, proximity, and positioning are far more effective than direct approaches
- What makes something creepy isn't your looks — it's insulating yourself from rejection
- Bold action is always hotter than covert, low-risk moves, especially for men
- If women approach too aggressively, they risk setting a masculine-feminine dynamic they don't actually want
- Women should make themselves approachable, not do the approaching
- Men need to stop letting fear of rejection paralyze them — just go talk to her
Timestamps
0:00 — Kissing Strangers in Nightclubs Cold Open
4:19 — Nicole's Experience Approaching Guys
8:03 — What Women Should Do Instead of Approaching
10:05 — The Difference Between Creepy and Bold
14:01 — Navigating Groups and Breaking Away From Friends
17:05 — What Makes an Approach Creepy vs. Confident
20:03 — The Art of the Bold Move
25:43 — Masculine vs. Feminine Energy in Dating Dynamics
31:03 — Why Men Need to Be Pushed to Step Up
36:46 — Don't Go On Dates You're Not Ready For
39:41 — The Becky Story: When Women Come On Too Strong
43:13 — Final Advice and Wrap-Up
Connect
🎙 Full show notes & resources
📺 YouTube
📷 Instagram: @betterthanperfectpodcast