In this episode of WorkHuman Radio Todd Schnick and Mike Wood talk to Liane Davey, the Principal and founder of 3 Coze, and three-time author who helps people create productivity when there’s messy people stuff in the way. They get into what conflict means in an organization, why it’s important, and how to manage it successfully.
Embracing ConflictHow does bringing your best self to work align with embracing conflict? Liane thinks that being your best self means being willing to fight for things you believe in, whether it’s your customer, a different decision, difficult relationship or situation. When we avoid things that are difficult, like conflict, we don’t feel good about ourselves.
Productive Conflict Liane talks about how trying to keep everything happy and harmonious when the reality just isn’t, means you don’t have the ability to actually deal with situations that will inevitably arise. Avoiding conflict builds stress levels. Productive conflict is healthy, it gets us talking about issues and moving beyond them. It happens when there is a problem to be figured out, and you actually get somewhere. Contrast that to an unproductive conflict which is often personal and sometimes vicious.
Validating Emotions - a Simple FormulaTodd mentions that where there are humans, there is conflict. Liane agrees, and laughs at the idea of “keeping emotions out of things.” We just can’t do that. People have feelings, feelings are part of conflict, and we need to understand that and think about practical ways to be effective while being emotional. Liane talks about how to create outlets for emotions to minimize their impact on decision making or conflict resolution. When people feel validated for their feelings, they’re much more likely to be invested in finding a solution. Liane provides a simple formula you can use in conflict conversations.
Changing MindsetsOften executives shy away from the word conflict - but they shouldn’t. Liane talks about a strategy to help identify the different areas of interest and concerns amongst different members of a leadership team. By understanding what other people care about or have to pay the most attention to, leaders are much more understanding of why people are the way they are, and where conflict is likely to be coming from. Many roles are supposed to be in tension with one another - it’s necessary for growth.
Todd mentions that the words in this conversation are scary - conflict, tension and so on - but they’re valuable and necessary. Mike compares it to playing music - the build-up, then the resolution of tension. Liane explains how this ties back to feeling tension about being your best self and also having conflict - just like in music, when tension builds and is resolved, it’s satisfying - and beautiful!
Conflict Debt There are so many conflicts we haven’t resolved - they build up and weigh people down. When conflict doesn’t get resolved, we fight, and we end up spreading everything - money, time, and people - too thin. Then we don’t get ROI, the culture suffers, and projects flounder. This is usually attributed to failure to prioritize, but what it really is is conflict debt.
Liane tells how, at the end of the day, we all basically want the same things, and we all want work to be a better contribution to people’s lives. Work and humans can add so much to each other.
Resources:The Good Fight | LianeDavey.com/WorkHuman | 3 Coze