Brittany’s brother makes her cry just by saying “GECKO.” Ali and her work friend switch shirts and are the only ones laughing about it. A woman accidentally sends a picture of her butt crack to her manager. Memories of James from Love On the Spectrum yawning, crooked phones, and Wendy Williams talking about “The Killer”.

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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theme music by Adam Turay

Ali witnesses a man projectile vomit onto himself, and hooks up with the entire rugby team. Brittany’s brother regrets playing Pretty Pretty Princess and painting his toenails. A relationship is tested by a collection of porcelain clowns. Memories of Squiggies Gay Bar, ice cream trucks with beats, and Tony Braxton’s Unbreak My Heart. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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theme music by Adam Turay

Ali and Brittany start two separate pods about fish and horses. Ali turns her room into an immersive fish tank experience. Brittany gets called “ISIS” by a man with a Trump impression. A monster cockroach frees himself from the toilet by climbing up a man’s shit. Memories of dogs being put down at Petco, Prince Ali Fabulous He, and shrimp writing term papers. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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theme music by Adam Turay

Ali accidentally flashes the UPS guy. Brittany’s serious conversation with her boyfriend gets interrupted by a brand new set of fake boobs. A woman severely misinterpret’s her gynecologist’s comments about her cat. Memories of Guys Talkin In Rooms, Bad Baby, and black hole documentaries. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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theme music by Adam Turay

We’ve got a special guest this week: it’s Lucas Connolly (Comedy Central)!! Lucas tries to lose his virginity through an elaborate craigslist ad, but loses an object inside himself instead. Brittany gets fooled into thinking some birds sound like babies and machine guns, and Ali’s aquarium obsession grows. Memories of Gillette vibrating razors for men, birds quoting Seinfeld, and the fear of holding newborns. 

Follow Lucas @lovablelucas1 and check out @ambushcomedy when you’re in town!! Look out for Lucas’ special dropping on YouTube in the coming months. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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theme music by Adam Turay

Ali craves the respect of a man who pisses his pants every day on Tik Tok, and gets swallowed by a snake. Brittany clogs the hotel toilet, pees her pants at a sleepover, and almost dies at the gesturing hands of her Uber driver. HR acuses one of its employees of eating animal remains. Memories of Brittany trying to be really angry, the McDonalds Triad, and sleeping inside whales. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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theme music by Adam Turay

Ali and her boyfriend get hit by a car on Valentine’s day and all they want is an apology. Brittany’s terrible childhood dog poops his way into the afterlife. Ali fears getting a DUI just for not knowing the alphabet backwards, and Brittany and her death metal boyfriend run from the cops for no reason at all. A listener saves his hamsters with CPR. Memories of pimple videos behind paywalls, bombing in the mirror, and Sacajawea coins. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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theme music by Adam Turay

Gabby Jordan Brown (Two Nosy Meerkats pod) joins us!! Gabby does some bad Facebook detective work, fails to connect with a woman over a chicken photo, and has a front tooth missing for months. Ali’s high on J-train paint fumes, and Brittany has a pick up artist’s bad diagrams seared into her brain. Memories of the Kennedy family’s medical problems, Mary Poppins, and growing boobs. 

Follow Gabby @hipsoccermom and keep your eyes peeled for her special coming out soon! 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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theme music by Adam Turay

Brittany has a crush on the prettiest girl in school, and reminisces on the first time she saw a cow take a dump. Ali ruins Fridays for interns with her lava lamp, and cannot stop looking at restaurant stickers. A man gets whipped by the wings of a goose MMA fighter. Memories of impressing boys with Eminem lyrics, laptop dancing, and the bottoms of totem poles. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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theme music by Adam Turay

Ali stops being a vegetarian so that she’s free to become a vampire, and shares her new special interest in fish tanks. Brittany’s parents tricked her into thinking she might one day own a horse, a car, or even a chair. A woman’s hyper-religious parents stalk her Spotify to make sure she’s not listening to witch music. RAT NEWS: a parrot and dogs join a death metal band. Memories of our subpoena friendship necklaces, Ludacris, and NPR storytelling voice.

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

theme music by Adam Turay