Worthless Clowns

Ali’s alone in the woods warning all the trees she’s got mace. Brittany’s dad acts out the intricate mechanisms of a car motor. A lister sick of her college admin job accidentally offends an excited freshman with hearing difficulties. Memories of doing data entry to Rage Against The Machine, deep knowledge of lakes, and Steve Irwin. 

We want your stories!!! Send them in here and we will read them on the pod: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dUW3R4J7smcoWQO-ChGTPMERkZbvTjlrZiM4bzfJ9IM/edit?ts=696e8197

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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theme music by Adam Turay

Brittany’s cleaning up a toilet bowl full of vomit at her first job, and falling in love with a horse named Fiona. Ali’s shrimp molts and leaves a ghostly shell behind. A listener experiences the poop version of Woodstock ‘99. Memories of plumbing snakes, a search for a lost chicken, and the poop cruise documentary. 

We want your stories!!! Send them in here and we will read them on the pod: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dUW3R4J7smcoWQO-ChGTPMERkZbvTjlrZiM4bzfJ9IM/edit?ts=696e8197

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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theme music by Adam Turay

Ali and Brittany film themselves chugging chocolate milk and Gatorade. Brittany calms herself during an MRI by imagining it as noise metal in outer space. Ali fails a dap up and her office won’t let her forget about it. A woman discover someone else brought Hawaiian rolls to the work potluck. Memories of aggressive hand shakes, squiggly cartoons, and Natasha Bedingfield’s Unwritten.

We want your stories!!! Send them in here and we will read them on the pod: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dUW3R4J7smcoWQO-ChGTPMERkZbvTjlrZiM4bzfJ9IM/edit?ts=696e8197

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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theme music by Adam Turay

Ali and Brittany do a deep dive into their terrible past relationships. Ali inadvertently makes a young bright-eyed graphic designer question his life’s work. Brittany invites cops to her special taping. A man’s relationship completely falls apart because he can’t stop whistling. Memories of Samsung TV commercials, being stunned speechless by beauty, and CT scans. 

We want your stories!!! Send them in here and we will read them on the pod: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dUW3R4J7smcoWQO-ChGTPMERkZbvTjlrZiM4bzfJ9IM/edit?ts=696e8197

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate us!! And check us out on YouTube!

theme music by Adam Turay

Brittany tries to sell comedy tickets to Bill Burr and Jimmy Fallon. Ali commemorates the 2013 Rehoboth Dead Fisher Cat, and creates a dystopian landscape in her fish tank. A man’s tooth falls out in his burrito and he accuses a woman with long fingernails. Memories of severed fingers in Wendy’s chili, bombing in front of family, and dogs recognizing actors. 

We want your stories!!! Send them in here and we will read them on the pod: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dUW3R4J7smcoWQO-ChGTPMERkZbvTjlrZiM4bzfJ9IM/edit?ts=696e8197

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate us!! And check us out on YouTube!

theme music by Adam Turay

Brittany and Ali’s unconscious tries its very best to get them out of their terrible relationships. A listener discovers they may be autistic, but must first write an essay to prove it to their doctor. Memories of monster pigs, smashing cologne on your head, and the Reading the Minds Eye test. 

We want your stories!!! Send them in here and we will read them on the pod: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dUW3R4J7smcoWQO-ChGTPMERkZbvTjlrZiM4bzfJ9IM/edit?ts=696e8197

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate us!! And check us out on YouTube!

theme music by Adam Turay

For her birthday Brittany’s ex gets her a rage room and a cameo from favorite New Zealand rapper. Ali’s late to all her appointments because she can’t stop looking at her fish tank, and teaches her therapist to communicate in terms of “I’m a piece of shit.” Memories of 5 Girls, jade eggs, and Korn of course. 

We want your stories!!! Send them in here and we will read them on the pod: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dUW3R4J7smcoWQO-ChGTPMERkZbvTjlrZiM4bzfJ9IM/edit?ts=696e8197

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate us!! And check us out on YouTube!

theme music by Adam Turay

Brittany is depressed and embarrassed that she is unable to order a spicy meal.  Ali’s experiencing delusions of her dog chewing her paw. We decide to make taxidermy rat versions of ourselves. A listener’s boyfriend has seemingly never met a gay man and also cannot grasp what it means to be bi. Memories of Goku’s special attack, shaving bushes, and break-ups on birthdays. 

We want your stories!!! Send them in here and we will read them on the pod: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dUW3R4J7smcoWQO-ChGTPMERkZbvTjlrZiM4bzfJ9IM/edit?ts=696e8197

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate us!! And check us out on YouTube!

theme music by Adam Turay

We hype up pre-show by beating our chests, power posing, and self affirming. Brittany struggles to understand the pain scale and telling two famous old men apart. Ali gets high for her IUD insertion and is scared of who she will become if she starts wearing hats. A woman with loose butt cheeks gets chased down by the French police for trying to put in a tampon. Memories of overblown Ted Talks, misidentifying gar, and Siegfried and Roy.  

We want your stories!!! Send them in here and we will read them on the pod: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dUW3R4J7smcoWQO-ChGTPMERkZbvTjlrZiM4bzfJ9IM/edit?ts=696e8197

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate us!! And check us out on YouTube!

theme music by Adam Turay

A man confronts Brittany about her big huge hotdog eyes. Ali chokes up around a band she just got into, and keeps waking up to a country song about boobs.  A listener accidentally breaks into her boss’s house and makes a really big mess. Memories of Korn breakdowns, horse plates for dad, and tic tac toe.

We want your stories!!! Send them in here and we will read them on the pod: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dUW3R4J7smcoWQO-ChGTPMERkZbvTjlrZiM4bzfJ9IM/edit?ts=696e8197

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate us!! And check us out on YouTube!

theme music by Adam Turay