Worthless Clowns

We accidentally plagiarize the Discovery Channel for 30 full minutes, and write a commercial for Ozempic. Brittany’s stuck in the gift cycle of abuse, and has a teen bird in her apartment. Ali thinks she’ll die washing her face in the shower, and meets a man who’s obsessed with IDs. A boyfriend is frustrated at his girlfriend’s continuous prank. Memories of puking sea cucumbers, otters in loving relationships, and an aggressive horse. 

GET TICKETS TO OUR UPCOMING SHOWS! 

MOTORCYCLE HORSE, Oct 10th 9pm at QED (Astoria), tickets at QEDastoria.com Ali & Brittany do half hours of standup, hosted by Ashlynn Salzano. 

AMBUSH COMEDY’s TAPING NIGHT, Oct 29th 8pm at The Slipper Room, tickets at https://www.slipperroom.com/event-details/guest-event-skeleton-symphony-october-9-1-1

BRITTANY’S SPECIAL TAPING, Dec 3rd 8pm at The Slipper Room, https://www.slipperroom.com/event-details/guest-event-foxglove-comedy-ambush-comedy-filming-october-29-1

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

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Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

theme music by Adam Turay

Special guest Courtney Maginnis (Comedy Central) joins us!! Courtney sh*ts her American Apparel leggings, more than once. Brittany gets accused of stealing spoons,  Ali’s mom slams chicken soup into the toilet bowl, and a man loses his valuable collection of McChickens. Memories of losing cars, chaotic Thanksgivings, and imaginary gas leaks. 

Follow Courtney @courtmaginnis, her pod @iloveyoubutyourmusicsucks, and watch out for her special coming out soon!

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate the pod!! And check us out on YouTube!

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

theme music by Adam Turay

Brittany gets punched in the face by an automatic umbrella, can’t comprehend Wordle, and gets scammed BIG TIME. Ali gets reprimanded for listening to loud music by an old man she dated. Super religious parents are disappointed in their teens for making fake money off strippers in Grand Theft Auto. Memories of stupid goats, the Marx Brothers, and bad forms. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate the pod!! And check us out on YouTube!

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

theme music by Adam Turay

Introducing a new segment: RAT NEWS!! Brittany thinks horses are afraid of heights, and accidentally feeds her best friend glass. Ali is in a 12 person van surrounded by drag queens. A boyfriend reprimands his girlfriend for giving thoughtful and practical gift. Memories of Snoop’s reaction to dressage, water fights, and huge women’s wallets. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate the pod!! And check us out on YouTube!

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

theme music by Adam Turay

Blake Freeman joins us!! Blake’s weapon of choice for when the world ends are his very own shoes. Blake clogs a toilet, almost kills himself with a toothbrush, and embarrasses himself at an SNL party. Ali is in an all-women improv group that spends most of its time apologizing. Brittany can’t help imagining her death every time she steps into the shower.Follow Blake @blakefreeman! For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneilRate the pod!! And check us out on YouTube!Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected] (mailto:[email protected])theme music by Adam Turay

We got caught in the rain and discover HOTDOG.COM!! Brittany’s dad gives her lifetime nightmares about gorilla masks and a man called WADADA. Everyone in Ali’s family has a theory about what sitting down to pee means. Memories of drunk Facebook albums, font emergencies, and brain cursors. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate the pod!! And check us out on YouTube!

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

theme music by Adam Turay

Ali chugs milk, falls over on the bus, and pees her little goth trip pants. Brittany’s on an extended date with a broccoli enthusiast who texts her way too much. A woman is ashamed of what’s behind her secret door. Memories of little lambs, exploding milk, and JD Vance’s affection for furniture. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate the pod!! And check us out on YouTube!

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

theme music by Adam Turay

Peter Wong joins us!!! Peter accidentally convinces a man to drive hours to purchase concert tickets that don’t exist. We ignore our feelings so well that we could dismantle bombs as a career. A 30 year old camp counselor refuses to be corrected on his animal facts. Memories of burpee open mics, flag boys, and Brand New the band. 

Follow Peter @peterwongcomedy, and check out his special “Don’t Move” on YouTube! 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate the pod!! And check us out on YouTube!

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

theme music by Adam Turay

It’s a puke episode!! Brittany vomits on a phone in elementary school and that’s all her sk8erboi crush could remember about her. On an improv road trip, Ali’s stuck in a car with a bunch of puke-filled solo cups. A woman reads way too far into twin siblings who love each other. Memories of goofy drummers, dogs smiling too hard, and tiny baby pranks. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate the pod!! And check us out on YouTube!

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

theme music by Adam Turay

Ali gets her dog’s DNA and discovers she’s 100% Frankenstein. She also discovers that her boyfriend is jealous of T-Pain. Brittany is learning her emotions from kids TV shows, and watching her uncle kill bees with a monster truck. A boyfriend is certain his girlfriend will never be a famous comedian. Memories of dads shooting chipmunks and finding quarters.

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Rate the pod!! And check us out on YouTube!

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

theme music by Adam Turay