“I have a hard time believing in love, that love just really exists, that you can love somebody. Then I feel like I have a hard time loving men and stuff, so I wouldn't want them to get hurt if they ever felt like I didn't love them.” - Tammy Murphy

Episode Summary:

In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Tammy Murphy, a Black, same-race, domestic adoptee living in Indiana. Tammy shared her struggles with social anxiety and dissociation, stemming from her adoption experience. She recounted how her adoptive mother's inconsistent responses to her questions about being adopted led to confusion and a sense of not belonging. Tammy also shared her journey of self-medication with substances like alcohol and marijuana to cope with her feelings of disconnect and identity crisis.

Despite facing challenges in forming deep relationships and feeling a sense of authenticity, Tammy has taken steps towards healing. She recently started therapy and has begun journaling to identify triggers and coping mechanisms. Tammy expressed her aspirations to become an adoption therapist and to write a memoir titled Two to Forgive, focusing on forgiveness towards her birth mother and adoptive mother.

Throughout the episode, Tammy emphasized the importance of honesty in adoptive families, early communication about adoption, and seeking therapy and self-help resources to navigate the complexities of adoption trauma. 

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RESOURCES:

Resource mentioned in this episode:

• Seven Core Issues in Adoption and Permanency: A Comprehensive Guide to Promoting Understanding and Healing In Adoption, Foster Care, Kinship Families and Third Party Reproduction: https://amzn.to/3QLyqXF

Other Resources:

• APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption’s Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude

• Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com 

• Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/

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Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson

Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao

Email questions or comments to [email protected]

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TIME STAMPS:

00:05:30 - Connecting with Others as an Adoptee 00:11:01 - Seeking Therapy and Beginning to Address Adoption Trauma 00:14:06 - Future Goals: Becoming an Adoption Therapist 00:15:50 - Advice for Adoptive Parents: Honesty and Openness 00:16:40 - Impact of Lies and Deception on Adoptees 00:18:16 - Advice for Adoptees: Therapy, Emotional Intelligence, and Coping Strategies