Yellow, Gold, Kings, Fathers, and the Sun – Julien Aklei

Up and down the stairs I ran
with a sceptre in my hand
How to chase the doubts out from my mind?

When the only life I’ve ever known
is to strive for absolute control
and to pull on every string that I could find

To my talismans I cling
I am scared of everything
She knew one day she’d grab the golden ring

On my back I saw the stars
I remembered fireflies in their jars
How to pull the fire out from the flame?

Can I make the bad ones fall
Crush them into pieces small
and somehow extricate myself from blame?

In my ears are bells that ring
I will conquer everything
She knew one day she’d grab the golden ring

Ladies dance and ladies sing
they toss their hair; they wear a ring
they won’t amount to anything I’m sure

But I will cut each finger tip
with stony eyes I’ll watch them drip
I’ll stand in puddles red upon the floor

Are there wise men- I don’t know
I grow the way that flowers grow
spreading from their center like a star

I made my bed; I lie in pain
it cools the fever from my brain
But my seeds upon the wind will travel far

I sing the song that roses sing
I don’t believe in anything
She knew one day she’d grab the golden ring

On my back I saw the stars
they spread out wide they were my arms
the burning flames that sparkled were my hands

I held my hands up to my face
I gazed into that burning place
so many bright things I could understand

I sing the song that roses sing
I will see through everything
She knew one day she’d grab the golden ring

Walk away and don’t turn back I told you.
There’s no home for you here.
There’s no home for you here.

Look at me with big brown eyes but no dear.
There’s no home for you here.
There’s no home for you here.

Oh and please do not cry.
For I treated you kind.
Like a king I walked by you
And I showed you the sky.

Walk on to the next green hill then go dear.
This is your time to fly.
This is your time to fly.

Don’t hold onto me and please don’t cry now.
For I treated you kind.
Always treated you kind.

Now you’ll go your own way
And it won’t be so hard.
All the things that I gave you
Will keep you safe and warm.

Didn’t I calm the storm
Like a fire safe and warm?
Wrap you up in my robes
Don’t repay me now with tears that its your time to go.

Don’t hold onto me and please don’t cry now.
Didn’t I treat you right?
Always treated you right.

Wasn’t I your wall against the cold dear
When you hid from the night?
You were scared of the night.

Oh and you’ll be okay
You’ll make friends with the cold.
Won’t need no one to claim you
Won’t need nobody’s soul.

Didn’t I calm the storm
Like a fire safe and warm?
Wrap you up in my robes
Don’t repay me now with tears that it’s your time to go.

Father, I need to sit.
There’s all of this blood down here- nobody will tell me what it is.
Father, what is the time?
There’s all of this blood down here- nobody will tell me if it’s mine.

You built a tower in my heart just like a paradise
I laid me back to watch so warm in the sand.
Clouds flew above me light flashing out of their eagle eyes
Now I can feel those cold things starting again.

Father, where are my hands?
I need to touch my eyes- something tells me they are hurting me again.
Father, am I lying in bed?
Why are the curtains drawn? What is this thing upon my head?

You built a tower in a tower in my heart just like a paradise
I laid me back to watch so warm in the sand.
Sun shimmered on my body like I was a pegasi
But now I can feel those cold things starting again.

Father, why are the curtains drawn?
So many things to do. I can’t remain in here too long.
Father, I need to ask
Of all the things you’ve done, which ones are the ones that you’d take back?

You built a world around my heart just like a paradise
I laid me back to watch so warm in your hand.
Cities they swirled around me like they was a race of lights
But now I can feel those cold things starting again.

All of the men in the world lined up side by side
A bundle of twigs they wait for the flame.
Dance by the fire and you will realize
A burning man will never feel the pain.

Fly away in a little bit
Fly away in a cloud of strings
Like the sun on an icicle
You found your pair of wings.

When the time wasn’t over yet
When the time was ready to begin
When my heart was red lying in a box
Waiting for the sticking pin.

There you go, I know your eyes
Fire with a flash of pain
Feel it burn, feel it end
What is the name of this thing that remains?

Fly away in a little bit
Fly away in a cloud of strings
Like the sun on an icicle
You found your pair of wings.

There you go, the hand that wears the glove of velvet red
Like a woman, like a child, is the man afraid of his own death
Like a woman, like a child- the man who will never fight
Flickering beneath the sky and dying that same night.

Fly away in a little bit
Fly away in a cloud of strings
Like the sun on an icicle
You found your pair of wings.

There you go, the man I know whose legs are far too thin
Find the box and open it to push your stick pin in
Fire I know, death I know, I also know your eyes
Like a woman, like a child- the man who never lies.

Fly away in a little bit
Fly away in a cloud of strings
Like the sun on an icicle
You found your pair of wings.

Father, I need to sit.
There’s all of this blood down here- nobody will tell me what it is.
Father, what is the time?
There’s all of this blood down here- nobody will tell me if it’s mine.

You built a tower in my heart just like a paradise
I laid me back to watch so warm in the sand.
Clouds flew above me light flashing out of their eagle eyes
Now I can feel those cold things starting again.

Father, where are my hands?
I need to touch my eyes- something tells me they are hurting me again.
Father, am I lying in bed?
Why are the curtains drawn? What is this thing upon my head?

You built a tower in a tower in my heart just like a paradise
I laid me back to watch so warm in the sand.
Sun shimmered on my body like I was a pegasi
But now I can feel those cold things starting again.

Father, why are the curtains drawn?
So many things to do. I can’t remain in here too long.
Father, I need to ask
Of all the things you’ve done, which ones are the ones that you’d take back?

You built a world around my heart just like a paradise
I laid me back to watch so warm in your hand.
Cities they swirled around me like they was a race of lights
But now I can feel those cold things starting again.

All of the men in the world lined up side by side
A bundle of twigs they wait for the flame.
Dance by the fire and you will realize
A burning man will never feel the pain.

Don’t be scared
Step right in
You decide when it will begin.

Chairs are horses
Beds are men
All of them under your command

Time moves slow
Tick tick tick
Watching you there as you sit
And your fingers reach for another cigarette

And all the horses
All the men
Women under your command my friend
My friend

I want this for you
To give something to you
Let no one know the things I do for you

And when you walk in socks
Pad padding on the floor
Slipping sliding through the open door

I need to entertain my mind
The only way that I can find
Or otherwise my hands will shake
And deep inside my little heart will break

And all the horses all the men
All of us at your command my friend
My friend

The curtains start to heave and swing
You think you see a diamond
You close your eyes and he’s a beast
You open them- a violet

Stay focused on the things you need
The hand beneath the silky sheets
The voices echo all around
The drugs that make it all go down

And when you walk in socks pad padding on the floor
Close your eyes, you’ll be back for more

How you do now baby?
You a good good baby.
Climb upon my airplane
So much world to see now baby.

Where the sunbeams sway
I drew the cards I saw us play
You were the one for me I saw us high
Hand in hand in that sky.

If you smile now baby give you this big bone
But if you cry you cry alone

Watch the windows chatter
See the rain go splitter splatter
Has it been this way forever?
You tell me it doesnt matter.

You say the past is gone
The future is a big unknown
And all we have is just one second
Right with me where you belong.

You told me how smile and dream
I told myself I’d never scream
I told myself I wouldn’t cry
But still I cry at everything…

If you smile now baby give you this big bone
But if you cry you cry alone

From the day you born
You work your fingers to the bone
So how can I stand there before you
Asking you where you belong?

You know the future’s just a lie
The past is best left there to die
So how can I stand there before you
Asking you for reasons why?

Life feel like a big green wave
A thousand pulses every day
I try to keep myself upright
But still I fail in everyway.

If you smile now baby give you this big bone
But if you cry you cry alone

How am I doing? Well, I’ve conquered the world of vice and now I can afford to buy a car. A few months back I was on the verge of homelesshess. Draw your own conclusions.

So what’s next for the woman who has turned Pure Evil into her little lap dog?

The World of the Sun.

The most wonderful thing about life is how there are infinite worlds to conquer. You can never exhaust them. A new world is a new mathematics. Everything changes. I love it. Every world is lucent and perfectly crystallized. It’s own rules. It’s own morality. I love it so much. Nothing makes me more excited than preparing to enter a new world. I am cleaning my apartment right now in anticipation.

I always thought of a home as a spaceship that lets you travel between worlds. You program it for the new world you want to enter and it flies you there. The most exciting thing ever.

Who knows what the future holds & when I’ll have to face the plane of survival again. God probably plunges all of us there periodically to give our red a tune up. But for this one moment, I am relatively safe. Safer than before. My apartment is warm. Warm air is the ultimate luxury.

And all through no virtue of my own. Quite the opposite. In fact, when I was living out my own version of virtue- working hard, setting sights low, inflicting pain on self when possible- I was sinking the fastest. Hard work can’t save you once you get too close to the realm of slaves. Cause money comes from other people. If money is about anything, it’s about social intelligence, not work. I still don’t have any of that though. I just temporarily hit some good luck.

Had I been saved by my own efforts, perhaps I’d emerge from the pit with a different philosophy. But as it is, I move forward with the feeling that a person’s own efforts have little impact on their destiny. It’s external influences that make or break us. We are one, they are many & hence far more powerful.

So while some see responsibility as focusing on what you can control, to me it means trying to befriend those things more powerful than you.

Like the sun. He is the King of our Solar System.

Watch the world with hopeful eyes
staring at its black disguise
hiding-where are you?

Underneath a checkerboard
knights and kings keeping score
crying- can it be true?

Under your purple eyes
black squares and white squares lie
fighting- which one is true?

Under your aqua shirt
hope is killed off by hurt
all on the surface is blue.

Don’t lose heart whatever life brings
you must believe that behind all things
Golden Fingers pull on the strings!

Prop your head up on your arm
in your eyes I see no intent to harm
that’s why I love you.

But the day will surely come
when you will kill or be the one
whom they pour their poison into.

Don’t be their fluffy sheep
sink into places deep
let evil flow through your root.

Hardened heart, inky skull
feast like a cannibal
all of the black squares were true.

Killing hurts and killing stings
but you must believe that behind the scenes
Golden Fingers pull on the strings!

When you’re dark, when you’re mean
doing things that shouldn’t be seen
I will be here with you.

Bodies lie, angels spy
we fall to earth, one day we fly
all of the white squares were true.

In the sky they saw
your hand and they understand
you did what you had to do.

Kill or be killed they know
that’s the way black squares roll
all of their tears were for you.

Don’t lose heart whatever life brings
you must believe that behind all things
Golden Fingers pull on the strings!

The original song… from a time when I was obsessed with men being able to make their way across the checkerboard of black and white squares to receive their crown of solid gold….

To swing, to fight
A world at night
To shake, to weep
A world asleep.

They sleep, I see
No one touches me
They think I don’t know
The place where all the children go.

Paw Paw the ringing boy
When spring comes he will bring you so much joy.
Paw Paw the ringing boy
When summer comes then the world will fade away.

These things
A world of strings
But look, you’ll see
The world is me.

Alien, okay
I don’t care what they say
I am bought and sold
Although he is very old.

Paw Paw the ringing boy
When spring comes he will bring you so much joy.
Paw Paw the ringing boy
When summer comes then the world will fade away.

Your needs
A string of beads
I dance, I twirl
A milk white pearl

Worlds fade, worlds end
I dance, I spin
No one touches me
Except for spirituality.

Paw Paw the ringing boy
When spring comes he will bring you so much joy.
Paw Paw the ringing boy
When summer comes then the world will fade away.


About this song…. Paw Paw The Ringing Boy

Also… Paw Paw The Ringing Boy