Summary:

We discuss the concept of softness, recognizing the challenge of learning to be a person with feelings after a lifetime of strength. We discuss how we learned to hide every soft part of ourselves because it felt out of place and led us to become low-maintenance. We redefine softness, realizing it is strength that trusts and is unafraid, not the opposite of being strong. We conclude that softness is a necessary practice where true healing occurs, requiring us to give ourselves permission to rest and be gentle, thereby allowing us to truly live our adult lives.

Key Quotes:

• "Softness is this language that nobody in your house ever spoke".
• "Softness isn't the opposite of strength. It's a part of it".
• "Strength got me through childhood. But softness is what's going to help me actually live my adulthood".

Episode Breakdown

[0:00] Introduction: We open the episode discussing the active, daily process of trying to figure out how to be soft and learning to be a person with feelings. We reflect on the odd experience of growing up without a strong female figure, noting the missing "pathway on how to be a girl".

[0:45]  We discuss how, especially for girls raised by single fathers, strength is learned automatically, like the alphabet. We talk about learning to be tough and practical because emotions just weren't in that guide. We explore how this environment led to crying being a forbidden thing and the development of survival habits, like the body shutting down when feeling emotional pressure.

[1:30]  We reflect on the shock of seeing girls online literally talking about their feelings out loud, realizing we were never told this was possible. We note the absence of a "middle school emotional check-in" and discuss learning everything about tenderness from YouTube tutorials, which we conclude is not a safe or real education.

[2:30]  We talk about how being raised in a male-dominated house taught us to hide every soft part of ourselves because it felt out of place. We discuss becoming low-maintenance, learning to stop needing comfort, and feeling disconnected from ourselves as a result.

[3:15] We introduce the core idea that softness isn't the opposite of strength; it is "strength that trusts" and is unafraid to take off its armor. We acknowledge that learning this has been harder than any strong thing we've ever had to do.

[3:45]  We explore why being soft is actually harder than being strong—it requires vulnerability. We discuss that swallowing feelings and moving on were just survival skills, and softness requires us to sit with ourselves and admit that we are tired.

[4:30] We conclude that softness is where healing actually happens. This involves crying, admitting hurt without apologizing, and giving ourselves permission to break a little bit. We note that being hard all the time is exhausting and lonely.

[5:30] We affirm that we deserve comfort, gentleness, and softness, even if our childhood made us tough. We stress that softness is a practice—practicing giving ourselves breaks and letting our guard down, recognizing that we are not a robot or a wall.

[6:30]  We conclude that learning softness takes real courage, more than pretending to be unbothered. We share the crucial realization that while strength got us through childhood, softness is what will help us actually live our adulthood. We affirm that being gentle with ourselves is how healing begins.