I came out from meditation the other day and this thought kept lingering in my mind. “Allow the darkness to be dissolved by the light”. I thought to myself, what “darkness” my subconscious mind was trying to tell me?

Later that day it daunted on me that I have been thinking about my past, more specifically, my past mistakes. Things that I did, that I’m not proud of. Or things that I should have done, or done better.

I notice from time to time I would like to give myself a hard time, dig up the memories of the good, bad and ugly. Then, I would judge my younger self and criticize my character default. I made myself marinate in guilt, shame, doubt, anger and fear. 

It feels like I am going through my annual mental muddy obstacle course, running through dirt and aches, eventually, I would make it to the finish line. Deep down I know better, I know it is my negative self-talk. I see it clearly when people come to me and doing that to themselves. But there are days I need to coach myself out of this darkness. 

There are times I’ve messed up an opportunity, behaved irresponsibly or let my insecurity took over. Those are the things to learn from, our mistakes and failures are our best lessons. 

There are times, however, I have to be a better parent to myself and admit this: 

If I could have done better, I would.

I remember when I turned 30, I thought about all those things that I did in my 20s and wondered why I couldn’t; be more mature and act more like a 30-year-old. 

Clearly, the joke was on me because I just wasn’t there, yet.

But the longer we avoid the honesty or the lessons need to be learned, we sink deeper into the past mistakes. That is when the darkness looms in. 

Our past and mistakes do not define who you are NOW and most certainly they do not define who you can become. 

When theoretical physicists and metaphysicists talk about "time is an illusion", I often think about this: 

The only moment that is real and truly important is NOW. 

NOW is the time we can change our mind on how we think, act and feel.

When we do that, our past behaviour does not predict our future outcomes.

We intercept this with new thinking and new actions. 

We can not change the past but we can change what it means for us and how it can help us to grow.

When we pour gratitude, appreciation, kindness and love into our mind, we think better thoughts, which led to better actions. Even if we look at our mistakes, when we do that with love, we can see the root cause and how we can rectify them or change the trajectory of our course. 

And THAT is our guiding light. 

When we think and act with love, we just cannot go wrong. 

Marianne Williamson who is now running for the president in the United States, her message is simple, yet deeply profound. It is time to right the wrong with love, not hate. When hate is loud, we need to make sure love is even louder. 

No matter where you are, what you are facing or feeling, there is going to be a brand new day tomorrow. You can start over. It’s never too late. Remember, time is an illusion. 

Allow the darkness to be dissolved in the background and look for the light ahead of you. 

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