Your Priority Centered Life

There's a moment in this conversation where guest Marlon Buchanan says something that Dr. Alise has believed for years: no matter how good your memory is, it was never built to hold everything modern life asks of it. You need systems.

Marlon is a technologist, bestselling author, and IT leader with a computer science degree from MIT and advanced degrees in business and software engineering. He's the founder of Home Tech Hacker and the author of Life by Design, a book on using automation to reclaim time, reduce stress, and focus on what actually matters. His next book, Your Life Solved, on practical ways AI can help save time and reduce stress, is coming later this year.

Marlon and Dr. Alise talk through where his own automation journey started (a wake-up call at 49, the same age his father had a near-fatal heart attack), how he decides what's worth automating and what isn't, and a handful of concrete systems anyone can borrow this week, from a two-reminder birthday system to a daily legal-pad list that has nothing to do with technology at all.

In this episode:

• The health scare that led Marlon to rethink how he was living
• How to decide what to automate and what to leave alone
• Why more notifications rarely mean more peace, and a simple experiment to try
• A two-reminder system for never scrambling on birthdays again
• Using AI as a personal assistant for thinking, not a replacement for it
• Why Marlon still uses a plain legal pad every morning
• Automations for finances, family calendars, and parenting logistics
• What a well-designed life actually looks like, in Marlon's own words

Resources mentioned:

• Home Tech Hacker (hometechnhacker.com), Marlon's website
• Life by Design: Automate to Master Time, Health, Money and Unlock Personal Success by Marlon Buchanan
• Your Life Solved: 42 Practical Ways AI Can Help You Save Time, Reduce Stress, and Get More Done (upcoming)
• Monarch Money, a paid app for consolidating bank and investment accounts into one budget view
• Routine Flow, referenced as a tool for moving through a morning routine without getting distracted

Who is Marlon Buchanan? Marlon Buchanan is a technologist, bestselling author, and IT leader with a computer science degree from MIT. He's the founder of Home Tech Hacker and the author of Life by Design, a book about using automation to protect time, energy, and focus for what matters most.

What is the book Life by Design about? It's about using automation, both simple systems and actual technology, to reduce the mental load of daily obligations so there's more focus left over for the things a person actually wants to spend their time and energy on.

How can automation actually reduce overwhelm instead of adding to it? By targeting tasks that are frequent, low-stakes, or ones you don't feel strongly about doing a particular way. Automating those frees up mental energy for the things that do require your full attention and care, like relationships or creative work.

What's a simple automation to start with this week? Consolidating your finances into one tool that pulls in transactions from every bank and investment account, so you can review everything in one place on a regular schedule instead of logging into multiple accounts or tracking things manually.

How should you use AI without letting it take over your thinking? Use it as a personal assistant, not a replacement for judgment. AI is strong at tasks like finding a meeting time across several calendars or summarizing a backlog of email, but it isn't good at the higher-level thinking of deciding what actually matters to you on a given day.

Why does a plain legal pad still work better than a lot of digital tools? Writing by hand helps you slow down and process information more deeply than typing does. A simple daily list of the top priorities, made first thing in the morning before anyone else needs your attention, can do more for follow-through than a more complex digital system.

Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment.

The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

There's a piece of productivity advice Dr. Alise hears often: always finish your top priority tasks before you go to bed. In a steady, normal stretch of life, maybe that works. But in the middle of a transition, she thinks that advice can actually hurt you.

This final episode in the Transitions series looks at the thread running underneath every kind of transition covered so far: sleep. Dr. Alise reframes a late bedtime or an early alarm as a payday loan on your energy, one that comes with high interest, and shares a personal story from graduate school (planning a long-distance wedding on top of a full plate) about what happens when you don't adjust anything and just try to power through.

In this episode:

• Why "finish before bed" backfires during a transition
• The payday loan metaphor for borrowed sleep and its compounding interest
• A personal story about hitting a wall while planning a wedding long-distance
• A simple bedtime practice for quieting your brain without sacrificing sleep
• Why taking things off your plate requires an actual conversation, not silent absorption
• A wrap-up of the full Transitions series

Next up: A short pause before new territory. Dr. Alise is joined by bestselling author Marlon Buchanan to talk about using systems to streamline tasks.

Why shouldn't I sacrifice sleep to finish tasks during a busy season? Because during a transition you're already operating with less energy than usual, and borrowing sleep works like a payday loan with high interest. The next day you're not just tired, you skip the small things that make mornings go smoothly, which sets up another night of borrowing.

What is sleep debt and why does it matter during a life transition? It's the accumulated cost of pushing your bedtime later or your alarm earlier to squeeze in extra demands. It compounds fast: reduced energy makes things take longer, which makes you more behind, which tempts you to borrow again the next night.

How do I protect my sleep when everything feels urgent? Ask yourself directly whether you're willing to take out that "loan" and what it will cost you. If the answer is no, jot a few lines about where you left off instead of pushing through, and have an honest conversation with the people around you about taking something off your plate.

Is "finish your top priority before bed" good advice? Not necessarily, particularly during a transition. You're already running on less energy, and your top priority task rarely has a predictable size in the middle of change. That advice can turn into a setup for exhaustion rather than a motivational push.

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Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment.

The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

There's a popular saying that the Chinese word for crisis combines the characters for danger and opportunity. It turns out that's not quite accurate. The real translation is closer to danger and a crucial turning point, and Dr. Alise thinks that version is actually more useful, especially when you're in the middle of one.

This episode looks at the transitions we don't see coming: an unexpected diagnosis, a job loss, a devastating discovery in a relationship. Drawing on her early career in psychosocial oncology, Dr. Alise shares what she learned from cancer patients about how crisis forces priority clarity, and walks through four things to hold onto when your world gets rearranged without your permission, including real research on why writing through a crisis can change how you move through it.

In this episode:

• Why the "crisis equals opportunity" framing can feel dismissive, and what to say instead
• Lessons from psychosocial oncology on how crisis forces clarity
• Why accessing support matters more in crisis, and how to be thoughtful about who you let in
• Resisting snap decisions made from a dysregulated nervous system
• The Pennebaker research on expressive writing, job loss, and college adjustment
• Why redefining your priorities in a crisis isn't a one-time decision

Next up: Episode 109 closes out the Transitions series by looking at what happens to your sleep underneath all of this.

How do priorities change during a crisis? They don't shift gradually the way they do with expected life changes, they get forced to shift all at once, without your permission. An unexpected diagnosis, a job loss, or a relationship crisis can rearrange what matters most to you overnight.

Does the Chinese word for crisis really mean "danger and opportunity"? Not exactly. The more accurate translation combines danger with something closer to a crucial turning point. That framing tends to feel more honest and less dismissive when you're actually in the middle of a crisis.

How can writing help you cope with a crisis? Research from psychologist James Pennebaker found that people who wrote honestly about their feelings around a job loss were reemployed faster than those who only wrote about logistics. In a separate study, college freshmen who wrote about their stress ended up with fewer health center visits and better grades months later. Getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper seems to change how you move through the crisis afterward.

How should I make decisions during a crisis? Try to resist snap decisions made while you're overwhelmed. Decisions made from a dysregulated nervous system are often ones you'll regret. Most decisions aren't as urgent as they feel in the moment, so give yourself a reasonable window before deciding.

• Sign up for the weekly Sunday Reset Newsletter

Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment.

The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

When Dr. Alise's oldest went to college, a parent orientation speaker said something that landed hard: for some parents in that room, this was going to feel like being forced into retirement from a job they loved. Except it's not retirement. It's not an ending. It's a change in responsibilities.

Episode two of the Transitions series looks at family change, from the smaller shift of a new grade and new teachers, to the much bigger jump of a kid leaving the house entirely. Dr. Alise walks through why these transitions affect the whole family, not just the kid, and offers two concrete conversations every parent can have: how to check in on the emotional layer beneath the logistics, and how to negotiate what communication looks like once a kid is out the door.

In this episode:

• Why back-to-school transitions come in different sizes, and why that matters
• How to open the door for a tween or teen who won't discuss their anxiety about it
• Reframing "empty nest" as a change in responsibilities, not a loss of them
• How to negotiate a communication plan with a kid heading off to college
• Why kids typically want less contact than parents expect, and why that's normal

Next up: Episode 108 moves into crisis and priority change, what happens when something unexpected upends your priorities without warning.

How do I talk to my kid about going back to school? Ask directly how they're actually feeling, not just about the logistics. A lot of tweens and teens won't share about how insecure they feel about starting a new grade or entering a new school, so the parent usually has to open the door and let them know that feeling nervous about change is completely normal.

How do I cope with my child leaving for college? Reframe it as a change in responsibilities, not an ending. It can feel like being forced into retirement from a job you loved, but that's not quite accurate. You're still parenting, just differently, from a distance, with less daily information and more trust required.

What should communication look like with a college freshman? Talk about it explicitly as a family before they leave rather than assuming. Name a starting point together, whether that's daily calls or something less frequent, and agree to revisit it after a few weeks. Most kids want less contact than parents initially expect, and that's normal development, not rejection.

Isn’t this just another back-to-school transition? We’ve been down this road many times before? Not all school starts are the same. A new grade with the same friends is a small shift. Moving from elementary to middle school or middle to high school is a bigger jump in structure and social terrain. A kid leaving home entirely is the biggest change of all. Each size deserves its own conversation.

• Sign up for the weekly Sunday Reset Newsletter

Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment.

The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

Fall doesn't have to land like a thud. But for a lot of us, it does, because we treat September like a light switch instead of a dimmer.

This episode kicks off a new series called Transitions, four episodes on the shifts that throw people off, even the good and expected ones. We're starting with the one that sneaks up on almost everyone every year: the jump from summer's slower pace into fall's full calendars and full inboxes.

Dr. Alise talks through why this transition hits so hard (hint: it's not just you, and it's not really about willpower), and shares four concrete ways to build yourself a gradual on-ramp instead of jumping straight into the deep end, including a small ritual borrowed from a colleague's 2020 pandemic routine.

In this episode:

• Why an abrupt transition wears people out, even a good one
• What schools get wrong about starting the year (and what you can do differently)
• The "admin hour" practice for easing back into structure
• Why a small, non-productive ritual can steady your nervous system
• Reclaiming your physical workspace before you strictly need it

Next up: Episode 107 moves from seasons to people. We're talking family change, what happens when a kid heads back to school or off to college for the first time.

Why does the transition from summer to fall feel so hard? Because summer has a slower, more spacious pace, and then fall arrives with full calendars and full structure all at once. That abruptness is what wears people out, not the season change itself.

How can I ease into fall without feeling overwhelmed? Start by noticing the rhythm you've actually been living this summer, then build a gradual on-ramp instead of jumping straight into full structure. That can look like a contained "admin hour" of focused work, a small daily ritual, or easing back into your usual workspace before you strictly need to.

What is an "admin hour" and how does it help with a seasonal transition? It's a deliberate, contained hour (or two) where you sit down and do planning or desk work, then close it out. It's not a full workday yet. It gives your body practice with focused, structured time so full days don't hit you cold.

Do I need to change my whole routine to make this transition easier? No. The goal isn't doing more, it's spreading the same amount of change out instead of absorbing it all at once. Small, deliberate adjustments make a bigger difference than a total routine overhaul.

👉 Resources

• Sign up for the weekly Sunday Reset Newsletter

Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment.

The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

Why do I feel busy all day but never move forward on anything? Why can I never get through my to-do list? How do I stop feeling too overwhelmed to even start?

In this episode, Dr. Alise answers three of the questions she hears most consistently, from listeners, clients, and people she meets who ask "this might be a weird question, but." They're not weird questions. They're the ones without obvious answers, at least not the answers most productivity advice gives you. This episode breaks down what's actually happening underneath each one and what genuinely helps, including a psychological concept that explains why starting small works better than you'd expect.

In this episode:

• Why reaction mode fills a day without ever moving you forward, and how a filter changes that
• Why the to-do list is the wrong tool for the job, and what a shorter, more intentional list does instead
• A five-year question worth sitting with if your current pace makes your stomach churn
• How to begin when you're too overwhelmed to start, including the smallest possible first step
• The Zeigarnik effect: why your brain actually wants to help you finish what you start

• Enrollment for Prior 10 closes Friday, September 4. Sign up here!
• Sign up for the Sunday Reset here.

Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment.

The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

Prior 10 Is Open!

Prior 10 is officially open for fall enrollment! This eight-week group coaching program is designed to help you identify what matters most, plan your days with intention, protect your energy, and create a life that feels more manageable and aligned.

Doors are open through September 4. Ready to join us? Enroll in Prior 10 here: https://www.dr-alise.com/groupcoaching

Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment.

The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

Burnout usually gets treated like a crisis. Amy Loken, founder of The Amy Factor, sees it differently. Burnout is the visible result. The real crisis, she says, is self-negotiation, the slow accumulation of small concessions we make to ourselves while we're busy showing up for everyone else.

In this Friday Flip conversation, Dr. Alise talks with Amy about the distinction between self-care and self-respect, why resentment is often the earliest honest signal that something needs to change, and the difference between a boundary (external, the line that gets crossed) and a standard (internal, what you require of yourself to hold that line). Amy shares what she learned navigating caregiving for her parents, the loss of her sister, and now her husband's chronic health issues, including the exact three questions she asks herself before saying yes to anything.

In this episode:

• Why self-respect, not self-care, is the actual infrastructure underneath a sustainable life
• Self-negotiation versus burnout: which one is the real crisis
• The difference between a boundary and a standard, and why both matter
• Amy's three questions to ask before taking something on: what does this protect, what does this require of me, and where is the line
• A doctor's simple, non-negotiable response to lunchtime appointment requests, and why it works

This week's episode is a companion to the four-part series on limits. If you haven't caught those yet, start with Episode 100.

Find Amy:

https://theamyfactor.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/amylokken/

👉 Sign up for the Jump Start Bundle here: https://jumpstart-bundle.subscribepage.io/

Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment.

The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

There's a belief that's been running beneath the surface of every episode this week: if I do less, I become less. It's the thought behind "if I slow down I'll fall behind," "if I say no I'll let someone down," and "if I stop being the person who does everything, who am I?" It was installed by a system that has rewarded doing more since you were in school, and it's why limits feel like the opposite of success instead of the foundation of it.

In this series finale, Dr. Alise names that belief directly and makes the case that limits aren't what shrink your life, they're what make it livable. She shares the graduate school conversation that changed how she thinks about productivity for good, walks through the Daily WIN (one of the two core daily practices behind Prior 10), and opens the door on what she's built for people who are ambitious, capable, and exhausted by systems that never quite fit.

In this episode:

• The belief underneath every limit you're afraid to set: "if I do less, I become less"
• A graduate school conversation about the difference between doing more and knowing what matters
• The fence metaphor: why a limit is what makes freedom possible, not what takes it away
• An introduction to Prior 10 and the two daily practices at its center
• The Daily WIN, a three-question, five-minute practice you can try tonight

Quick Win: Try the Daily WIN tonight. Three questions, five minutes. W, what worked today? I, what could be improved? N, what's your next step? Write it, voice memo it, or just think it through.

Tomorrow: A Friday Flip guest conversation with Amy Loken.

Sign up for the Jump Start Bundle here: https://jumpstart-bundle.subscribepage.io/

Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment.

The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.

The commitments other people hand you at least have a source you can point to, a boss who needs one more thing, a friend who needs a favor. But some of the fullest parts of your calendar have no external source at all. Nobody asked you to plan the day trip, sign up for three parks and rec classes, or turn a good lesson plan into a 2 AM sensory experience lab.

In this episode, Dr. Alise turns the lens on the overcommitment that comes from inside, the kind that's driven by imagination, enthusiasm, and the instinct to make things better than they strictly need to be. She shares a personal story from her years teaching at a university that explains exactly how a gift like creativity can become the thing exhausting you, and makes the case for why white space isn't wasted time, it's what makes everything else sustainable.

This is the third of four short daily episodes on limits: practical ones, not dramatic ones, each with a quick win you can try before the next episode drops.

In this episode:

• Why the commitments you give yourself are often the hardest to notice and undo
• The "it would be amazing if" thought pattern and where it leads
• A personal story about 2 AM lesson planning and what it revealed about unlimited enthusiasm
• The continual improvement trap: when good is never allowed to be enough
• Why white space isn't wasted time, it's what makes a creative brain function well

Quick Win: Look at your calendar for the next two weeks. Find one thing you signed yourself up for that nobody asked of you. Ask honestly: is this adding to my life or adding to my load?

Sign up for the Jump Start Bundle here: https://jumpstart-bundle.subscribepage.io/

Want to get a snapshot of your own life in just minutes? Take the free Prior 10 Life Assessment at www.prior10.com/assessment.

The information contained and documents referenced in the podcast “Your Priority Centered Life” are for entertainment, educational and informational purposes only, and are not intended as, and shall not be understood or construed as, professional medical or health treatment, diagnosis, or advice. We strongly encourage listeners to consult with medical providers or qualified mental health providers with issues and questions regarding any physical and/or mental health symptoms or concerns that they may have. Furthermore, the opinions and views expressed by podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates are not necessarily those of the podcast host. Dr. Alise Murray’s opinions and views are expressed in her individual capacity and are not to be construed as those of any of her podcast guests, partners and/or affiliates.