What does the Chicago Bears 2025 schedule release have in common with Dave Coulier in a movie theater? Find out on this episode of Zero Doinks as the boys tick through all 17 obvious wins, starting with Monday Night Football in Week 1 against JJ McCarthy and the Vikings. Thanks for listening, we love you and want to bathe you.

After Ryan Poles spent the weekend listening to the board it is clear that Ben Johnson's first draft has his beautiful mitts all over it. We recall how we initially felt on Thursday with the Colston Loveland pick versus how we feel now after days of hot, intense research. So many new Bears to wrap our minds around, as well as a preview of who we think our beloved will be opening the 2025 season against. Enjoy the one draft review out there that talks about showering with dogs.

Hang the banner, the Bears have won the 2025 offseason, there is no way this will fail. The offensive and defensive lines are shaping up beautifully, the draft is looming and Ben Johnson already has hall-of-fame influence in Halas Hall. The Bears are back? We discuss the roster additions to date and look ahead to who we want to see the Bears to target in April's draft. Plus March Madness is about to kick off and a party looms at Bill's house. Did the Gray Balls win the title yet again? Lots to get to. We love you.

Zero Doinks is back for Season 7 and we have never been more full of life. So much has changed since S6 ended with the golden foot of Cairo Santos breaking the hearts of annoying Packers fans. The dream head coach candidate surprisingly said yes to Kevin Warren and the Bears braintrust. Ben Johnson’s coaching staff is expensive and impressive. Virginia McCaskey is dead. Dick Jauron? Also dead. But not Zero Doinks. We’ve never felt more alive. This will not fail.

An 11 game skid against Green Bay ended on Sunday and made us feel hope for the first time in months. Caleb is clearly the man, and now he needs a leader. Hopefully it’s Ben Johnson, if Chicago does not Bears it up. Our season finale awaits your ears.

Will the Bears losing streak end in 2024? We doubt it. Tonight we wrap up the 2024 version of Zero Doinks and will return after a new coach (and GM?) is hired. But there's a lot to get to, just maybe not a lot of it revolving around the Bears. We love you, we want your Christmas to be so merry and bright. Go Bears, eventually.

Are we simply fated to a life of bad Bears football? Thomas Brown ended any hope of a dead coach bounce and now we have to suffer through one more month of one of the least enjoyable seasons ever. Let's get Caleb and Rome some sweet stats to close the year, at least. 

Eberflus has been fired and we never want to think about him again. We talk about what an idiot that guy was and where we'd like the Bears to look next, under the leadership (?) of the oft car-washing Kevin Warren. Dan has an obsession with bees and other winged things this episode. Will Thomas Brown ever lose as Bears interim head coach? We doubt it.

Thomas Brown and Caleb Williams. Should we keep this tandem together? Caleb looks  unbelievable. Is Flus fired yet? He just keeps finding new ways to mess up, it's comicable at this point. Bears are inches away from getting a Top 10 pick next year. Six games to go. Join us, as we prepare for the Lions game. They're going to murder us. Also we love Onebar and Lupagus.

We realize you probably don't want to think about the Bears right now but this ep is going to change your mind. As luck would have it, Dan and Bill magically discover they have a similar personal issue occurring right now, and they are about to go on a similar journey together. That is more important than Santos getting his worm-burning kick blocked by the Packers and everyone becoming sunk in misery yet again, right? Caleb to Rome looks like something special, at least, and new OC Thomas Brown might be the only guy on staff who knows how to coach.