Zero to Zero

The era of Wow! Movie! is over. It's been several months since we looked the work of Mr. Snyder. We remembered what movies look like and we are capable of looking at one without reflexively bursting into applause. How does Shazam treat us now that the bar is no longer underground? Well, I guess you'll have to listen and find out! It's pretty good.

Sam | Val | Gigalithic

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They said it couldn't be done! They said we would never finish watching Aquaman! We proved the haters wrong and forced them to spit out their cereal in a funny jpeg this week as we finally bring Aquaman to a close. Who knew this movie would be fun and good? It's like an underground success! Or perhaps... an underwater? We also say goodbye to Pregnant by Aquaman. It doesn't have an ending, but we do say goodbye to it.

Sam | Val | Gigalithic

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Boy, we must really like this movie or be terrible at talking about it if we're four episodes into Aquaman, huh? Possibly both, because this isn't even all of it! This week, we watched about 25 minutes of Aquaman, partially but not entirely because we want to finish the funny fanfic next week. It's probably for the best though, because they sure did put four different movies in this small segment! We've got a Disney romcom, a family action-adventure, a nautical horror, and Jurassic World in a very short span of time. Also, Kayla and Arthur make a sex bet in the fanfic for some reason!

Sam | Val | Gigalithic

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~2 weeks later

We're back in Atlantis once again to discuss I don't know how much of Aquaman. I've stopped writing it down but surely nobody is actually watching along at this glacial pace of ours. Anyway, Aquaman wakes up in chains and Orm immediately baits him into INVOKING THE COMBAT OF THE KINGS! They go to THE RING OF FIRE! and talk about THE LEGEND OF THE KARATHEN! This movie loves lore like Kayla from the fanfic loves Aquaman's big buff ass.

Sam | Val | Gigalithic

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We bit off more than we could chew last week, so here we are to finish off the first chunkus of Aquaman! We're doing great! Patrick Wilson and Dolphin Lundgren are here to say LORE!!! at us, which is fun. So fun, in fact, that we gloss over a lot of it and the episode ends up being a little on the short side. Thankfully, Wattpad is here to pick up the slack. Someone is going to get Pregnant by Aquaman!

Sam | Val | Gigalithic

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It's time to get wet! We're watching Aquaman, and despite feeling fairly lukewarm about it at first, we ultimately found ourselves talking for so long about how much we enjoyed it that we realized we needed to cut this movie into more than three parts. Wow! Is this actually a good movie or have our brains just been so destroyed by Zack that we think any vaguely coherent movie is peak cinema? That's not a rhetorical question! Please help us!

Sam | Val | Gigalithic

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The DCEU giveth, and the DCEU taketh away. I don't think I'm being too dramatic saying that. We didn't like the third act of Wonder Woman. The curse of blockbuster superhero movies strikes again and transforms David Thewlis into a CGI monster man who throws CGI Gal Gadot at walls. Exciting! I'm sure Aquaman will probably be different, ha ha.

Sam | Val | Gigalithic

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Well, who could've seen this coming? We're watching the second third of Wonder Woman and, well, we all really like it! So much, in fact, that we spent nearly an hour and a half talking about how much more enjoyable it is to watch than just about any other superhero movie these days, especially Batman v Superman. Thank you, Patty Jenkins! Hopefully the next movie is terrible again so we can get this podcast back on track.

Sam | Val | Gigalithic

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What if a movie was good for once? Well, that would be nice for us! Not sure if Wonder Woman is that movie yet, but so far, it's fine. It's got all the stuff you want in a movie: epic horse girls doing bow and arrow stunts with German soldiers, and colors! It's also got Gal Godot, so who's to say if it's good or not? (Us!) Hopefully we'll reach a decision on that by the end of the dang thing.

Sam | Val | Gigalithic

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Another movie down! We wrap up Suicide Squad and salute the brave Navy SEALs following the squad in the background who turned out to be the main characters all along. Sorry if this episode description is pretty sparse, it turns out this movie barely has a plot and nothing happens in it. Well, see you in the next one! Some people like Wonder Woman! Will we join them?

Sam | Val | Gigalithic

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