This week mum has seen Kelly Preston in her final film, Off the Rails ("it's about arguing"). She also spoils the heck out of M. Night Shyamalan's latest pointless mystery, Old.

This week mum has seen action horror The Forever Purge ("there wasn't quite enough violence for me") and zombie shoot-em-up Army of the Dead ("all they're doing is killing zombies").

Mum has seen ScoJo play everyone's fifth favourite Avenger, Black Widow. She also reviews horror/comedy Freaky, starring Vince Vaughn ("Hold on to your nappies, because you WILL be shitting yourself").

Mum has seen Cruella, a kids' movie that excuses a woman for making coats out of puppies. She also reviews Netflix's Fatherhood ("it was a bit bleuurgh").

Mum has seen Fast & Furious 9 starring Van Diesel [sic]. She also reviews the latest installment in The Conjuring franchise, and we reminiscence about the time I had night terrors and mum almost put me away.

Mum has seen Supernova, a dementia weepy (again) starring Colin Firth "and an American". She also reviews The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard, a comedy that almost made her sick.

Mum has seen Bob Odenkirk in violent comedy Nobody and she came out of the cinema "as the kids say, buzzing". She also reviews Netflix's Blue Miracle, in which Dennis Quaid tries to save an orphanage by catching a massive fish ("It's not a miracle, it's just a load of shit").

Mum comes up with ways to improve tedious sequel A Quiet Place: Part II, e.g. instead of the aliens tearing you limb from limb, they give you a foot rub. She also reviews dementia-flick The Father, starring Anthony Hopkins and Olivia Colman.

This week mum has seen Godzilla vs. Kong, a sequel to one of the worst films she has ever seen. She also reviews Nomadland, starring Frances McDormand, and tells us about her new contact in the movie biz.

The cinemas have reopened! Mum has been to see Those Who Wish Me Dead, starring Angelina Jolie as a firefighter, and Mexican drama Dance of the 41. She also updates us on her latest car crash and we share our recent plumbing mishaps.