Spotted: one very hot Church Guy on the fast track to becoming a dating miracle. ⛪️👀
Cute face. Great body. Sexy voice notes. Picking me up and twirling me around like perhaps, after 24 Roses, the dating gods had finally decided I'd suffered enough.
And I couldn't help but wonder…
Had the Lord finally answered my prayers, or was this just another man with good arms and bad judgment?
Because somewhere between flirting and fellowship, Church Guy became OCTOMAN. 🐙
Hands here. Hands there. Hands are apparently multiplying by the minute.
Sir, this is a date, not an eight-limbed group project.
And just when I thought we had reached our maximum capacity for foolishness…
A banana entered the ministry. 🍌
A deeply unfortunate attempt at being sexy.
And suddenly I found myself wondering:
How can a man look so good… and talk himself out of being attractive so efficiently?
Because darling, he had the job.
The application was approved.
All he had to do was sit there, look pretty, and mind his ministry.
And just like that, my attraction wasn't lost.
So grab your Bible, take your seat in the front pew, and pour the communion wine generously.
This week, we're talking Octoman, wandering hands, one scandalous piece of produce, and the exact moment a hot man got himself excommunicated from my dating congregation.
This week: Jesus Take the Banana Please. 🍌
Some men lose you to another man.
Some lose you to bad behavior.
Lose you to condensation.
You know you love the mess.
