Do you hate Valentine's Day? Well, you will after this episode! Ok, maybe that's not true. Hopefully you'll have some resolve, if nothing else. Some of us, here at Family Affairs, aren't huge fans of Valentine's Day. Whether you can't wait to get flowers in front of your coworkers, or you'll spend another lonely evening masturbating with your own tears, you should definitely join us for a HILARIOUS panel discussion with some of our favorite relationship experts, Indigo Stray Conger, Matt LeBauer, and Lisa Thomas.

Come, learn about the bloody origins of the holiday, with Indigo's gold-star worthy history reporting. Come, strategize your defiance of the cliches with Matt's aggressive and unapologetic boundary-setting. Come, take notes on Lisa's effortless, fairytale marriage. And if that doesn't do it for you, Ben's bitter, doughy, middle-aged dick jokes never disappoint - or at least, remind you that things could be worse. Come, join the Family Affairs gang for a fun - if not cynical - take on the holiday designed to shame the lonely and horny alike.

 

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

More people are dying of opioid abuse and accidental overdose than ever before. It's an epidemic that doesn't discriminate. Opioid addiction has nothing to do with race or class, age or gender. Prescription drug abuse is widespread and - along with opioid abuse - it's killing more Americans than auto accidents. Join us for a serious, but enjoyable, conversation with Kevin Petersen, a licensed therapist who specializes in working with families of substance abusers. This is an important topic and we all need to be informed. You might even know someone personally who needs help.

Visit Kevin's Website Here

Photo by freestocks.org on Unsplash

From politicians to actors to hollywood executives, people are getting called-out for sexual misconduct by the dozens. While it's not totally surprising to learn that people in power abuse that power - it's not even surprising to regularly hear stories of men behaving badly, even assaulting women, sexually. Perhaps the most troubling thing about these recent reports of sexual misconduct and assault - in addition to the horrors that are those two things, already -  are that they involve some of our favorite and generally well-respected public figures - and we're likely just seeing the tip of the iceberg.

No reasonable person would argue that sexual assault, aggression, or unwelcome lewd conversation and behavior are wrong. What is helpful to understand, however, is what is being violated - fundamentally - in these situations. In order to be more aware of our own behaviors and to respect the boundaries of others, we need to identify the basic rules of social etiquette and maybe more importantly: understand our obligation to ourselves to set and maintain boundaries

Join guest, Matt LeBauer, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and expert in boundaries and consent, for a REALLY IMPORTANT conversation that is not only topical, but fundamental to humanity and morality.

References:

Loneliness is a living version of death.

Matt cites Love's Executioner by Irvin Yalom in exploring loneliness and ultimately fear of death as being the root causes of poor boundaries and unwillingness to disappoint others.

Where can someone start to understand Feminism? Read Bell Hooks, here.

Contact Matt on his website, here.

Photo by María Victoria Heredia Reyes on Unsplash

Tis the season for gridlock, office parties, impossible expectations, overeating, depleted savings, and self-righteous relatives who have no business discussing politics. The good news is, you're going to listen to this show and it's going to make you laugh about this stressful time of year, while arming you with invaluable tactics for coping with stress and expectations. Join host, Ben Robbins, for a round-table discussion with licensed experts Lisa Thomas, Indigo Stray Conger and Matthew LeBauer and SURVIVE THE HOLIDAYS!

No hookups!

If you have any experience at all, online dating, you've come across this phrase. Maybe you're  someone who gets regularly propositioned for no-strings-attached (NSA) sex and you need to weed those people out. Maybe you're middle-aged, coming off a long-term-relationship and it's been so long since you dated, you didn't realize "hookups" are a thing and thought for a minute that a lot of people are really opposed to sex. Ok, now I'm sounding old.

We can talk all day about what life was like before the internet and smart phones, but you'll be hard-pressed to convince me that there's any bigger contribution to society than online dating, and the ease with which one can have a legal, consensual, romantic encounter.

The unfortunate side-effect of streamlined sexual encounters, is a loss of effort and etiquette in the process. Basically, you can arrange to have sex with someone, without all of that pesky courtship and "being a decent human being" stuff. Welcome to hookup culture.

We were very fortunate to go straight to the source on this topic, interviewing Dr. Lisa Wade. Dr. Wade is a college professor and researcher at Occidental College, specializing in studying the habits around sex and relationships, among young adults. Join host, Ben Robbins, and Licensed Sex Therapist, Lisa Thomas, for a fun and candid interview with one of the foremost experts on hookup culture and learn what it is, why it's so common, and why it's a problem.

Relax, it's just a hookup.

You can buy Dr. Wade's book, American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus, here

Check out the "Just Sex" episode of Hidden Brain (an NPR podcast that can also be found on their website, here)

Photo by jens johnsson on Unsplash

Save Your Sex Life!

Eeeek! My partner wants to do gross things in bed! What if it hurts. What if I don't like it? What if I DO LIKE IT?! What if they leave me for someone else if I don't try the thing?

First of all, get ahold of yourself. You're an adult. You're being ridiculous. Second of all, just do it. Do the damn thing. Lean into it. Sound like good advice? Well, you might be surprised to find out that two of our bonafide sexperts agree that couples should compromise.

Special guest, and friend of the show Dr. Joe Kort joins us for a fun conversation about kink and relationships, and what's changed in the past decade.

Believe it or not, if you went to therapy with your partner ten years ago, and confessed your dirty sexual fantasies, it's entirely possible that the therapist would try to cure you of your perversions. Dr. Kort even wrote an article about it. Can you believe how much has changed? Well, if not, listen to this episode. Now, your therapist is more likely to side with the more perverted half of the relationship, than the more conservative one. Well, at least these two therapists are.

Check out Dr, Kort's website here.

You can preorder his latest book here

Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash

Shame and Humiliation

We've talked about shame and humiliation before - you know, the fun kind? This is a show about the other kind of sexual shame: the kind that leads to people doing the other fun, weird stuff we've discussed in the past. This is about real shame - emotional baggage shame. You don't have to have grown up with strong religious influence to understand sexual embarrassment and discomfort. It's as much a function of puritanical cultural values as it is specifically religious.

Most people have beliefs and judgments about sex and the importance of purity that are rooted in misogyny and original sin. Having spent twelve years in Catholic school, I have a well-established relationship with guilt and embarrassment around sex. Why is this such a common experience, it's almost a cliche? The major religions have a lot in common when it comes to sex and the need to control people's sexual behaviors - from who they have sex with, to how and when. But, there's plenty of positive religious teaching around sex, as well.

On this episode, we're discussing all things sex and religions with expert, Kristin Hodson. Kristin is a practicing mormon who specializes in providing sex therapy and education in religious communities. (Be sure to check out her website) She's a leader in her field and a great interview guest. Join us for an eye-opening conversation about the conflicts and inherent dilemmas people face where sex therapy and traditional family values collide.

Be sure to check out her website

Kristin also coauthored The Real Intimacy, A Couple's Guide to Healthy Genuine Sexuality.

Here's a link to the RISK! podcast cuz I think it's really great and everyone should listen to it (also we reference it in the interview)

 

Photo by Naassom Azevedo on Unsplash

Let's talk about [anal] sex!

See what I did there? I made it seem like I was embarrassed to say "anal" because I actually am. It's one thing to talk about sex ALL THE DAMN TIME, but as soon as butts come into the equation, people get squeamish. So, let's get it out of the way: Butts are for pooping. There - are you happy?!

So, according to some statistics from some website that claims to have looked into it,  42% of men and 36% of women have tried anal sex. Who knows how scientific that is. Let's just say a lot of people have had anal sex. It's not just a gay thing. It's not just a Greek thing - "Greek-style" is synonymous with anal sex; don't @ me!

So, people have been doin' it in the butt FOREVER. There's so much historical evidence (especially in ancient Greece) of men and women participating in anal sex. It's even believed they didn't associate it with homosexuality, at all. We also have examples of anal penetration in historical asian art, where men are often depicted having anal sex with much younger men. But historical precedence aside, there's some simple physical adjacency that implies evolutionary science is pretty much ok with anal. They're right next to each other!

I like to call it "The Lord's Plan B". Seriously, guys, she/he put one hole that feels good for penises right next to another hole that feels good for penises, but has different consequences. One can make you pregnant and the other will just make you wince in pain - or not. This is maybe a good time to address the pain issue. Anal sex should not hurt. It does take some getting used to, but this idea that it's about enduring punishment is bogus. Double thumbs-down to the "painal" category on PornHub. In fact, don't ever consult pornography for any advice on anal sex. Those are professional actors with size twelve assholes.

Ask the experts

Here's what I know: some people like doing butt stuff. Some people don't. Some people are indifferent, or they save it for special occasions. Some people haven't tried it but they're curios because they have that one friend who talks about how great it is, every time she drinks red wine. Some people think its gross because butts are dirty. Some people think it's morally wrong. Some people think if you like butts, you're gay. Does that help? I didn't think so. Let's ask a real expert.

Carlyle Jansen is a bonafide butt SEXPERT. That's why we called her. If you've read this far, you're probably dying for a professional take on anal sex. Well, don't worry. You'll get one - and a bunch of amateurish dick-jokes too, courtesy of yours truly.  We asked her to come on the show because she's a well-known sex educator who literally wrote the book on anal sex. (Check out Anal Sex Basics for even more butt sex fun.) She has a great website too, where you're sure to find something naughty and educational. Carlyle covers everything from the taboo of anal and the appeal, to practical tips ("just the tip" is a good place to start) and even share some great resources. And if you're a guy who's interested in the benefits of a healthy prostate, check out the aneros prostate massager - even if it is just clever branding of a buttplug to ease your latent homophobia.

Welp, that about does it. Thanks for reading this. Leave comments below and give us a five-star review on itunes if you like buttstuff!

Photo by Mike Wilson on Unsplash

How do you deal with cheating?

A letter from a listener sparked this conversation (which turned into a whole show) about infidelity. Cheating is the oldest and most challenging story in the sex and relationship book. Anyone who has experienced it first hand - or been witness to infidelity in others' relationships - knows just how painful it can be. Ultimately it's about jealousy.

Special guest, Indigo Stray-Conger notes that jealousy is a totally worthless emotion, that we're all born with. Why are we jealous? Why does infidelity hurt so bad? Why do we feel ashamed both as cheaters and victims of cheaters? Most importantly: What should we do about infidelity? Many feel that it's a deal-breaker - that there can be no forgiveness. Others are more willing to look into the reasons it happened and weigh the behavior against the relationship's potential to be salvaged.

 

 

 

 

Photo by Xavier Sotomayor on Unsplash

Ageplay (sometimes "Age Play or "Age-play") is a broad category of consensual role play. It doesn't even have to be sexual. Everyone's probably heard the "Who's your daddy?" cliche, but have you ever really thought about it? Why is that sexy? Who's idea was it? There are incestuous undertones that make a lot of people uncomfortable, but is that really the intention? Join Licensed Sex Therapist, Lisa Thomas, and Host, Ben Robbins, for a fun and casual interview with Alternative Sexuality Expert, Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb. Dr. Rhoda has been on the show before and she never disappoints. We'll ask all of your questions about both the sexual and non-sexual contexts for ageplay, including adult babies (ABDL) daddy / girl and daddy / boy dynamics, and everything in between. We promise you'll leave the discussion well-informed (but we can't promise you won't squirm a little in the process!)