Selected Scriptures
February 26, 2017
Sean Higgins
Marriage: A Mess Worth Making
Session One
Or, Why You Are Probably the Problem
As the first speaker I want to introduce a couple things before tackling my theme.
First, the title of the seminar: Marriage: A Mess Worth Making. Our church doctrinal statement defines marriage by the Bible: one man and one woman in a life-long covenant with each other. Marriage is heterosexual, monogamous, permanent, and God-ordained, all of which is revealed in Genesis 1-2. Marriage is God’s idea, His institution, and it has His blessing. So-called homosexual marriage is a mess that is not worth it, and no-fault divorce law has not actually made it painless to walk away from the mess.
Marriage is a mess because of Genesis 3. Sin separated Adam and Eve, and part of the punishment God gave them included difficulty in life together and between one another (see Genesis 3:16). Two sinners living in such close proximity will see sparks and stings and sorrows. It will happen even between couples who are actively being sanctified by God’s Spirit.
But it is worth choosing to make this commitment. It is profitable for each individual and for bringing more individuals into the world. It is profitable for showing the world what God is like as His image-bearers. It is profitable for revealing something about the relationship between Jesus and His Bride, the Church. It is profitable as a way to glorify God, honoring Him through thankfulness for such a divine gift. He blesses marriage, and husbands and wives taste it.
The institution of marriage is a mess in our culture and there are levels of mess in marriages among us. Every marriage has some mess, but, by grace, it can be cleaned up. That said, only those willing to do the work (and endure some pain) truly see the profit. Our goal with this seminar is to discuss some ways to clean up the mess and to give some worthy reasons for cleaning.
Second, the talks proceed by a loose order. I’m going to focus on the individual spouses who make a marriage. Dave will focus on spouses as a couple, and Jonathan will focus on how the couple affect a broader circle than just the couple. Jim will challenge all of us to want to be better; he’s batting clean-up with a call to action. I’m batting lead-off so I can steal all their thunder.
Third, a note on the recommended resources at the back of your booklet. You will notice it’s a short list and that on the short list the name Wilson is mentioned a few times. For my part I really do wish that I could recommend a variety of authors. But I went back and looked at the Man Pants session on being Christian Husbands Who Serve, and the elders actually printed on the handout:
Stay away from the psycho-babble of Christian radio, conferences, and most books on the subject of marriage.
Many of the marriage resources are sentimental sausage, chicken soup for spouses. Many of those resources are not necessarily any worse than just making you think about marriage in an entirely wrong way. The Wilsons, for better or for worse, wed marriage and family with theology and principles and incarnational joy that isn’t common. If this was a seminar on eschatology then the Wilson clan might only get a dishonorable mention. But this is in their wheelhouse. There perhaps are better exegetes, there are not many better marriage and family mechanics.
So then, to my topic: Hands Off Your Marriage. I was the last one to decide on a direction for my talk, and likewise my title was the last to be made to fit the others, so “Hands off” may be not quite right, but I think I can explain it.
One of the first and weightiest principles of marriage I ever considered was based on an observation about the household responsibilities in Ephesians 5 which are also visible in Colossians 3 and 1 Peter 3.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himse[...]