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episodes

  • License to Drive - Like a trip to the DMV

    The Corey's team up to help Haim get his drivers license and bang a girl. Along the way, they go on a slew of crimes mostly involving reckless endangerment but also sexual assault and child pornography in a showcase of how horrible the 80s were. Not even Heather Graham and Carol Kane can save this.

    This film is a pukefest of 80s trends, stupidity, and selfishness. It's a perfect capsule of something that is horrible. So yes, it captures the essence of the decade but the decade sucks and so does this film. Sorry lovers of Aquanet. 

    Feldman is passable and the least annoying of the two but that's not saying much. Corey Haim's performance and character are awful and within 20 minutes you just want Les (Haim) to crash the car and explode or just get grounded and actually follow the punishment by staying in his room for the duration of the film. Heather Graham's Mercedes Lane is a testament of how bad this film stinks. They've made an 18 year old, arguably the hottest woman in Hollywood look like a circus clown in an insane asylum. Her character is supposed to be this dream girl, but she's a trainwreck and soon to be buying a bus ticket to former porn star town. She's not a nice girl.

    The film is filled with groin-inducing hijinks and hamfisted sequences that fail to achieve either a level of excitement or humor. This is a film for creepo's that either like high school girls or want to go back and do their life over again because their current existence sucks ass. The three of us hated this film and wanted it to be over after the first 5 minutes. Stay clear and just watch The Lost Boys instead.

    1 hr 10 min
  • Prelude to License to Drive

    The "Coreys" make their official first appearance on the show with the 80's cheesefest about teenagers getting driver's licenses. This sounds like a recipe for disaster as the 80's sucked, teenagers suck and drivers training sucks the worst! At least Heather Graham is easy on the eye-balls.

    Streaming Roman Do's and Don'ts
    • Metamorphosis: The Alien Factor (1990) - IMDB
    • Hired to Kill (1990) - IMDB
    • Steele Justice (1987) - IMDB
      • Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

      Spit! The Acne Cure - 7 out of 10

      Special Guest - Jackson Murphy

      Jackson from the Lights Camera Jackson film review blog stops in and shares with us his picks for the first half of 2016 for the SMABFA awards. He's also doing an incredible charity promotion for the Make-A-Wish Foundation. We urge all of you to contribute and follow Jackson through his fundraiser and his career. He's a great guy.

      30 min
    • Rambo III - Genocidal Team-Up!
      John Rambo comes to us in the third installment of the First Blood/Rambo franchise in the pinnacle of 80's over the top action. It's fun, it's stupid, its violent, and ridiculous. But in the year 2016 and how much we don't really care for ethnic cleansing, it's also a little offensive.
      Bullets and fire are allergic to Rambo, he has teleportation powers, and he's suddenly an expert horseman. He can fly choppers, drive tanks, use booby traps and shows how deadly glow sticks are. It's loads of stupid fun.
      Never letting off the stupid, the film continues to climb into an incredibly stupid climax that involves a game of chicken between two things that should never be used to do such a thing.
      Rambo III is a classic stinker and makes all the right/wrong moves. It's too much fun to be missed. Just try to leave your loathing of horrible bad men at the credits.
      1 hr 12 min
    • Prelude to Rambo III

      Carolco decides its destiny by spending too much on a ridiculous film that involves a man causes fire and bullets to steer clear. It's the Stallord's one jillionth appearance on the show and we haven't even gotten to Tango & Cash, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot or Cliffhanger!

      Streaming Do's and Don'ts
      • Reign of Fire - Starz
      • Down n' Dirty - Amazon Prime 
        • The Wild Card - Who would win in a knife fight?

        John Rambo (First Blood) vs John Rambo (First Blood: Part 2)

        33 min
      • Troll 2 - Best Worst Movie? Damn close.

        Troll 2 has been widely hailed as one of the best bad movies ever made what with its documentary called "Best Worst Movie" and also topping the IMDB Bottom 100. Sometimes though a film can be overpraised in its horrendousness. Will Troll 2 stand up to the critical analysis that has debunked such films as Gigli and Mommie Dearest?

        The short answer? No. No this movie is one of the worst ever made.

        The long answer is that Troll 2 is undoubtedly an incredible film. Each time you watch this film, you catch something new in its delirium. Its a wonderful treat upon each viewing. Its so crammed with crumminess that when you stop laughing maniacally you find just another terrible thing to laugh at in the next second. You can't stop laughing and it's brilliant. This movie is why we do what we do.

        1 hr 19 min
      • Prelude to Troll 2

        Finally, we hit one of the most notorious bad movies of all time. At one point, Troll 2 was the #1 lowest rated movie on IMDB.com until people realized it's freaking awesome. Praised by many and loved by tons, it's a treasure of a film and we can't wait to dive into it.

        Streaming Do's and Don'ts

        Darkman II: The Return of Durant - Starz

        Keoma - YouTube

        The Day the Clown Cried Edit - Youtube

        35 min
      • Mommie Dearest - Sorta not good, and totally lame
        In 1981, Faye Dunaway took the role of Joan Crawford and then thought she was on a one way track to Oscar Town. Instead, her completely unbelievable performance bought her a bus ticket to Razzieville. We take on this cult classic and try to determine the ultimate question of "Is it really that bad or good?"
        So there's truly only one thing to talk about regarding this film. It's Faye Dunaway's performance. So much has been said about this role and her completely ridiculous take on being an insane person. You can't take her seriously. The character is doing completely horrible things that bear no semblance to anything a rational person would do but Faye's take on it is outlandish. It's impossible and by far the most interesting part of the whole damn thing. Unfortunately, her freak outs are too few and far between.
        The rest of the film is painfully uninteresting. You're stuck wading through mooping around waiting for Joan to drink to much and throw a tissy fit. It's poorly paced, poorly written, and poorly edited. Characters disappear, others age at different speeds, makeup failed, plot points are dialed down (Joan's revolving lover door, her excessive drinking, her random insane speeches) and throughout you're disappointed because it's tedious but seriously not as bad as billed. The shots are well done, set design is great and directing is competent. It's truly not bad enough.
        So here's the deal. This film won "Worst Film of the Decade" by the Razzies. You morons....Over the Top, Can't Stop the Music, and Xanadu are by far worse movies. By far. I'm not even sure that this should have won Worst Picture for it's year. It's just not good. That's it. Not that bad, not good. Its along the lines of Gigli. Really? Thanks for the waste of time, world.
        1 hr 21 min
      • Prelude to Mommie Dearest

        One of the most prolific bad movies of all time finally lands on the show with Jackie's choice in the Faye Dunaway "acted" biography adaptation of Mommie Dearest. It's the story of Joan Crawford and her very progressive and seemingly quite fair treatment of stolen baby, Christina. So many Razzie wins but will it hold up to the Stinker Madness treatment?

        Streaming Do's and Don'ts
        • Twisted Justice - Amazon Prime
        • Project Metalbeast - YouTube
        • Striking Distance - Starz
          • The Wild Card - The Great Superpower Debate

          Fart force fields - 4 out of 10 stars

          26 min
        • Independence Day: Resurgence - Bad Movie Field Trip

          ID4:2 comes to a Bad Movie Field Trip on the show this week. Will it be stupid fun enough to get into that elusive Best Bad Movie category for the 2016 SMABFAs? Can it at least be better than that damn Jupiter Ascending?

          So now, to the fun. You can tell that Roland had fun making this. He had to work within the rules of a stupid studio but worked his silly business in without catching the ire of the men in ties at FOX. Specifically, Vivica A. Fox's completely unnecessary appearance in this film, except for the simple service of Roland saying "You were the worst thing to happen to me!" Her death caused all three of us to laugh out loud in the theater.

          Secondly, Brent Spiner....wow. Brent was in the first one and was fun then but his character was relegated to punchline deliveries only. This time, his character is central to the story and has a unique non-cliche summer blockbuster idiom. Throughout Brent Spiner kills each line and is the biggest show stealer we've seen in a summer movie in years. More Brent Spiner, please!

          So in whole 2 of us thought it was a blast. It's not super epic and not near as big of accomplishment as last years Jurassic World or this years Gods of Egypt, but it's still a ton of popcorny cheesy fun if you can get passed the missed opportunities and the fingers of FOX attempting to be Universal.

          1 hr 17 min
        • The Last Dragon - Who's got the glow?

          Sam brings us the least karate "karate" movie to ever exist with martial arts being replaced by romance, music, dancing, neon, sassy children, and pizza. While this may sound like something you want to put your head through a wall for, The Last Dragon is truly awesome.

          The Last Dragon is the tale of a kung fu obsessed teenager who is the son of a pizza restaurateur on a journey to be the best at kung fu. His adventures are endangered by The Shogun of Harlem, Sho Nuff and Arkadian, who wants to use his love interest to further his own fortune. Well that seems sorta straight-laced but this film is one of the silliest things we've done.

          The comedic acting is by far the high point of this film. Juluis Carry (Sho Nuff) and Leo O'Brien (kid brother) particularly stand out. They are completely over the top and hilarious. Brava good sirs. On the other side, Vanity stinks. Her songs are awful and she slugs through them as if she drank a gallon of vodka first. Blech.

          It's a lot of fun with many laughable moments and we highly recommend this film.

          59 min